In a Nutshell

Posted on 13 May, 2013 by Renée

So after Berlin I had a few days of “normal life” then I was off to Rwanda.

What an amazing experience that was. I started writing about it and then I realised that:
1) I was really hard to put into words
2) The post was getting longer and longer and I wasn’t even finished with Day 1 yet.
3) Maybe you guys weren’t 100% interested in a giant recap of my trip

(sorry that I was making that decision for you, by the way)

So in a Nutshell – I went for work, but it was more like a reward for hard work, dedication and enthusiasm, especially since I don’t work in one of our stores, nor do I have anything to do with the actual product. I love the company I work for and I have a lot of passion for the coffee AND the brand. I feel honored to have had this opportunity.

To say that the experience changed my life would be an understatement. I got to see first hand exactly what farmers go through not only to grow the coffee but all the steps it takes to actually make it so those beans can eventually become your morning cup of joe. If you ever thought that prices are too high for “just a cup of coffee” think again – the blood, sweat and tears that goes into getting that coffee to you deserves a bit more than what they are actually getting. Companies like mine actually invest a lot of the money made back into these communities so the farmer benefits in the end (and of course the company as well, as it is a business). I’ve now also seen this with my own eyes.

The coffee part was awesome. The human part? Indescribable. I fell in love with the people. The country. The children. Oh my God, the children!! The first thing most people think of when they think of Rwanda is the Genocide 19 years ago. Neighbours killing one another. Now? They work side by side, together in their communities to build the country up again. The President talks about forgiveness. The only way they can truly move on is to forgive. And they’ve done it. What a turnaround. Can you imagine? We hold grudges or stay angry or decide we want nothing to do with family members over petty bullshit. These people have forgiven the neighbour that killed their children. They have forgiven the rapist who gave them HIV. We could learn a lot from them.

Highlights:
Meeting AMAZING colleagues. I will never ever forget these new friends.

My team prior to getting down and dirty to help build the Health Clinic.

African Rain. HOLY COW you’ve never been rained on until you go to Africa!!

picking coffee cherries in the downpour

Ladies of the village singing to welcome us. Amazing and emotional.

The ladies of Musasa

Picking coffee cherries with the utmost care for the farmer, Suzanne (in the pouring rain)

I know it’s not much, but I wanted to be sure I got the good ones.

This will seem odd but – the Genocide Memorial. Heartwrenching. Soul-crushing. The desire to have this never happen again even more prevalent.

Going to the Farmer Support Center in Kigali. Again, amazing colleagues here.

Community Project – helping to build a health care facility that will serve over 7,500 people and provide 24/7 care (old facility 2K people and not 24/7)

no common language but a common goal. we made it together!

Seeing my Aunt again after 15 years – yes, ladies and gents, my Auntie lives in Rwanda! Of all places I could go in Africa, I went to the one place where I have a family member!

my Auntie Clodagh aka Sister Margaret Mary. She’s lived in Rwanda for a long time. Before the Genocide and again after (since 2008)

Oh and look at these adorable kids!

the children were captivated by us. Everywhere we went they waved and smiled and looked in awe. Some even ran after the van we were in!

I can’t believe I was only there for less than a week. I can’t believe I’ve already been home for a couple of weeks!!!

After I got back, literally, the day after, I ran the Spieren voor Speiren 10K in Hilversum. I did this last year as well and even PR’d at the time.

I was not looking forward to running. I was tired. Exhausted even. I have been coughing since March and the last few days of the trip were kind of hard on my lungs, probably something to do with the altitude there. I decided I was going to do it anyway. I made the commitment. If there is one thing running has taught me, or at least reinforced, it’s to keep commitments. So off I went, to meet up with Patricia and Samantha. I knew I wasn’t going for any world records, and in fact, I wasn’t even concerned with time, etc., I just wanted to finish. I ran it last year at 1:04:22 and that was when I was feeling fit and ready! So this year I was just going to run, not pressure myself and enjoy the beauty of the day.

Samantha ran last year as well, but it was Patricia’s first time. Sam was more than ready to achieve a sub 1 hour 10K. Patricia? I was almost afraid she wouldn’t make it on time as she still hadn’t arrived when Sam and I were heading towards the start. With a stroke of luck, we walked too far and had to come back around to the gate and there was Patricia running towards me! We were complete!

It was a good day for running. And as much as I was tired and having trouble breathing, it was a very fine run. In the end Samantha killed it at 58:25. I came in at 1:02:29. Poor Patricia, who was completely overheated, came in at 1:06:14. In fact, I was waiting for her to come in and when she did I thought the poor thing was going to pass out. Thankfully, she was ok after a bit and we were able to go and have a couple of beers at the pub. Stephane and his wife were there as well – they are the parents of Lotte, the little girl I started my fundraising page for, for the National Epilepsy funds.

We did it!!

Interesting – last year I was sort of in the back third of the pack. This year, just a couple of minutes faster, I’m almost in the middle:

2012 results

2013 results

Since then I’ve been a bit of a wreck. I have no schedule. No real heavy plans. Work’s been super busy. I’m still tired and not feeling 100%. I have become lax at my diet and exercise plan. Not that I’ve gone and thrown all hard work in the toilet, no, just *not* feeling it. I have gone to the gym a few times and run a few times, mostly on auto pilot. Figure it’s better than nothing at all.

I have a 10K next Sunday and a 5K the Sunday after that. I also want to get my training plan in order again. I did sign up for the Rock ‘n Roll Half Marathon in Lisbon in October, but I’m not going to wait until August to start!

Last but not least, I *am* going to Fitbloggin! I wasn’t going to go, cancelled my live-blogger application, my roommates, everything… but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I started looking at flights again. Hubs said “just do it”. My friend Jill-ann swooped in a bought me a round trip ticket to San Francisco with her air miles so all I had to do was arrange SFO – PDX! Unbelievable. The universe works in mysterious ways.

I think I’m caught up now. Back to regular life and regular blogging again, I promise!

Even the Blog has Jetlag

Posted on 3 March, 2013 by Renée

I did not mean to take so long to update!

As you (may or may not) know, last week I returned from visiting my family in Albuquerque. It was a good visit but also a little bit heartbreaking. That sounds dramatic, but let me tell you why.

My grandmother – she’s very old, she’s in a home and she’s suffering from Alzheimers. She knew who I was (but not at first – she didn’t recognize me without my glasses, but I haven’t worn glasses since I was 13!), but nothing really stays with her for a long time so the conversation was really a 10 time repeat of the same questions. The part that is heartbreaking is that she just doesn’t know where she is or how she got there (even though we tell her) and she just wants to go home. She was very independent up until a little over a year ago but it seems her mental health is going steadily downhill. It’s heartbreaking that of everyone, only my father is there for her, even though other family is near and could go to see her. I’m not saying they have to see her. The thing is, when we have problems or quarrels with family, at the point where a person doesn’t know what is going on, why not just let go? When are we ever going to learn that life is very short and if you get a chance to let go of a grudge that is not adding any value in your life, why not do that. The look on my grandmother’s face when we were there was absolutely priceless. It made her day (even though she wouldn’t remember later). She was smiling, truly happy, and remembering bits and pieces and that made her feel good. When we left she almost started to panic and I thought she would cry. It was awful. If I were there I would see her every day. She doesn’t have much more time on this earth. In fact I have no idea if I ever will see her again.

My long-time friend T – she’s my age, we’ve been friends since we were 10 or 11. She’s one of those friends that even if you don’t talk to each other for a while you always pick right back up. I think last year when I was there we were saying that for our 45th birthday (we are I think less than a week apart) we would do a marathon together. Well, she has cancer. While I was there she had surgery and we’ll find out soon what next steps will be. She’s doing her best to stay positive and I know I should as well, but I have a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about it. I’ve mentioned before about my good friend Michael who died 4 years ago; this had a huge impact on me and makes me really think hard about our mortality and how important relationships and friendships are to maintain. I didn’t get to see T, it was just not a good time what with surgery and family staying with her (and I didn’t want to impose – I’m sure it was NOT an easy week for her!), but if you could keep her in your thoughts or your prayers if you do that sort of thing, that would be awesome because I think she has many more years to enjoy in her life.

Then there was my Aunt – she hasn’t been well and on Wednesday she had the right mind to go to emergency where she basically was immediately hospitalized for almost being in a diabetic coma. I did not get to see her but again, this makes me think about how maybe I need to reassess how I handle and maintain my relationships with my family.

To summarize, I need to get my arse home again soon. I feel more and more homesick anyway, but this is getting ridiculous. I don’t know yet how or when I can make this more permanent (it will take at least a couple of years; it’s complicated!) but we really need to start thinking about how to make it work. In the meantime, I will focus on getting back possibly for Thanksgiving, maybe the health level will be up by then.

It wasn’t all gloom and doom! I got to hang out with both of my parental units, and I got to see some other good friends up in Santa Fe! Last summer I saw them with T and her husband and this time my friend S came down from Los Alamos. It was too short, again, so I’ll have to spend a wee bit more time next time!

On the Health and Fitness front:
Dad got me a week’s pass at his gym so I went a couple of times with him. In hindsight it was the BEST IDEA EVER to continue training because last week, after I returned, I had the WORST jetlag so far (you’d think I’d be more used to it by now). I did three runs (2 outside) and one strength training session at the gym.

At least there was a blue sky.

Run one was down at Tingley Beach (the name is hilarious – knowing that we are in New Mexico and there is no ocean), suggested by Debra from Miles To Run. It was cold and very wintry looking (ie dead trees. A LOT of dead trees). Hubs wasn’t feeling up to running so he decided to just hang out in the park and read while I was off for an hour. I have to admit it was very uninspiring. I had no music with me (I’m about 50/50 with music now and if I’m not familiar with the area, I’ll just pass on the tunes). And get this… about 3 or 4 KM into the run there were two dogs not on leashes just running around and one came at me and tried to bite me! Seriously what is it with dogs not on a lead!?? I’m pretty nervous about dogs since the crash in Cornwall but this was just a tiny dog who thought he was a big dog and he didn’t break the skin when he bit me. There was a cyclist on the side of the road and she was apparently trying to call animal control – they weren’t her dogs and no owner could be found!

Run one was 9KM, 55 min in D1, 5min in D2.

why would anyone want to sit here?

the sad road to nowhere

really, this was not inspiring.

Run two was on the treadmill at the gym. I think it was around 5.5K total running with 30 min in D2, 3 min in D3 and 7 min cooldown. (should have been 10, but I needed to be sure I was on time for when dad needed to leave.

Run three was a real challenge. I was suppose to do fartleks but wow is this hard anyway, let alone at a high elevation. I did what I could but it was not totally to the training schedule. Was supposed to 10 min D1 3 times with 2 min fartlek in between. There was quite some walking involved in this run.

So that was the Week 5 update!

Week 6 was not at all what I had planned. Jet lag was a killer and I managed exactly one run on Thursday of 6KM. It was a good run though, much faster than my normal D1 (it was supposed to be 40min at D1) and I managed it in 37 minutes. I was kind of surprised that it went so well when I felt so exhausted.

Today starts week 7 – I decided to just stick to the schedule which was 15KM; 70 min at D1 and 30 min at D2. I did the 15 just under the 1:40 mark. It was NOT easy and maybe tomorrow I’ll be cursing myself, we’ll see.

It’s March 3rd and that means it’s just over one month to Berlin. Kind of freaking out! Tomorrow we are announcing to everyone at work that I’ll be running for charity and that will pretty much seal the deal. Of course I’m going to do it anyway, but once I announce to all that I’m doing it for a specific reason there’s really no turning back. I guess I also better arrange my travel to Berlin as well. On top of all of this, I still have Rwanda to think about and I need to get my shots ASAP. I think I’ll be doing that Wednesday. Keep your fingers crossed that I don’t get too ill from the shots!

Do you work out when you are on holiday or do you take a break from your training?

Oh Wow.

Posted on 18 January, 2013 by Renée

It’s like a freaking ghost town in here, man

It’s already January 18th! How did this happen??

Well. I will tell you how.

New Years Came and Went. I had to work. That’s right. I work in financial admin and end of the month is end of the month. Bookkeeping stops for no man! Sure it sucks but don’t worry, blog friends, I get the time compensated. That whole festive feeling? Yeah, I didn’t quite have it.

The Holidays are busy times for all of us. Here in the Netherlands we have Sinterklaas, then Christmas, then New Years. In addition to that, my husband’s birthday is on the 12th pf January, then my stepson’s the 30th and the stepdaughters the 12th of Feb. I am broke my mid-February as you can imagine!

I was feeling pretty homesick around the beginning of December and I know it has a lot to do with wanting to see my Grandmother (she is 90, has Alzheimers and is living in a care facility near my dad), but also the holidays were kind of dramatic this year and while I won’t divulge too much, let’s just say celebrating here is more complex and, well, different than at home. And the atmosphere isn’t the same. There are no snow-capped mountains and the smell of juniper and pinon burning in neighbours’ fireplaces. There are no luminarias. No posole or bizcochitos. I know it’s not about food or lights or whatever, it’s about being with the ones you love. For me it just doesn’t work out the way I envision. No matter how I try. In any case I’ve decided next Christmas and New Year I will be in New Mexico proving most likely that the grass isn’t always greener, but, hey, I’ll get that out of my system once and for all.

Work has been stressful, even still; a lot of work to be done and not enough people. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t travel 130KM each way to work for almost 6 years now if I didn’t love my employer and my colleagues. Add a few other dynamic elements to the mix and that led to quite a lot of stressful days, emotional reactions, and, yes… chocolate.

I ended the year just under 80 kilos – just under at 79.8 I believe – which is still a slight improvement from the year(s) before, but at some point in 2012 I saw the number 77 and remember keeping my squeals of delight to a minimum to not wake up the entire neighbourhood. I know what I’m doing wrong. I know how to stop it. I just don’t.

So here we are. January 18th, 2013. I was the cook for my husband’s birthday party last weekend which meant total control over what went into the food and let me tell you, it was a huge success. Everyone loved my no-bean hummus and veggies, my lean meatballs and falafel and very low fat garlic sauce to fill up little pita breads. You know what I did though? I forgot to eat enough and ended up with a huge hangover! I haven’t had a hangover like that for years! Running and training has sort of “wrecked” (I’m not complaining) my drinking nights and I just forgot what that old life felt like! For the first time in aaaaaaages I didn’t run on a Sunday. That didn’t feel very good at all.

Food has been a total challenge so far this month. December saw quite a few old habits rearing their ugly heads – bread, rice, cookies, cake… well you know what the holidays are like. Don’t you love that excuse? I wanted a fresh start but I’m feeling uninspired. I’m lacking that drive I normally have to do the right things, as much as possible, when it comes to food. I don’t have desire for anything so I’m just stuffing everything in. I’m still tired, sad, bored, frustrated, missing home (odd, after 18 years of living in another country), wishing I could seemingly be like all those other people in the world who can just eat and do (or do not) anything they want. Poor me. Pity Party Table for One. Preferably in the Corner, thanks.

On the other hand, fitness has been pretty good! But I believe it was Tara who said “you can’t out-exercise a bad diet”. Too right, darlin. You can’t. However, So far I’ve run 38 Kilometers and amazingly BIKED 40 Kilometers in just 18 days. Biked. In the cold and snow. AND I’ve been to the gym 3 times. I actually went to the new GRIT class -and if you know me, you know that I am deathly fearful/ intimidated by classes – I want to do more and try more and experience more this year!

Speaking of which – I have a few things lined up already:
10 MARCH – DUNEA 10K RUN in Den Haag
21 APRIL – SHERPA LADIES 10K, SPIEREN VOOR SPIEREN CITY RUN in Hilversum (did this last year with Samantha)
15 SEPTEMBER – LEONTIEN LADIES RIDE in Rotterdam. Very excited to be doing this with Penny and Tammy!

and the one I’m most preparing for right now -
Berlin Half Marathon – 7 April! I said I would never do this again but I’m going to do this again. This time not just for me, a prepared me, a me who doesn’t compare to others, but also to a cause – I’m going to be raising money for the National Epilepsy Funds here locally in the Netherlands.

Well, I say most preparing for… mentally that is… I still don’t have a real training plan but I think I better get on that ASAP!

So yeah. Being blasé about food and my diet in general needs to stop. Back to focusing again. Feels much, much better when I focus (on a side note, I *am* going home on the 17th of February for a week so I can see my grandmother!! And be home!!! Even if just a week).

Letting Go

Posted on 2 December, 2012 by Renée

So that stuff at work that is going on? I’ve decided to let go of the stress that I’m allowing to take over my normal workday.

There are still things that are going on and decisions waiting to be made but clearly *I* have no influence over those things. So it’s time to let go.

By letting go that means I’m going to be more focusing on my work, my team and my goals. Let’s let the chips land where they may, whenever they are going to land.

With that, let’s move on to some cooler stuff!

It’s DECEMBER!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL BLEEP???? How did this happen??? I wasn’t quite ready for this month yet!

The last few months have been a whirlwind. It pretty much started with my birthday, my trip to Cornwall, my trip to Baltimore, a concert (hey I’m old, this is a big deal now), volunteering at the Amsterdam Marathon, and a quick trip to Brussels. There was also a weekend away in the Veluwe, some massive stress at work, and a 15K that I’d been looking forward to since the first time I did it in 2010!

I haven’t touched on the Marathon volunteering yet – Hubs and I actually signed up for this some months ago, just to see what it was like to be on the other side. I was a part of the starting corral team, in charge of the last corral. We had to try and get people to their correct starting areas but it was amazing how many questions we got as well, including “have you got any safety pins?” “which bus goes downtown?” “where do I leave my stuff?” “have you seen my uncle? we can’t reach him on the phone.” (really) Oh and we were on the Half-Marathon bit of the Marathon. My friend and colleague P was running and I saw another colleague as well as an Expat I know in Amsterdam. Pretty amazing to run into people you know where there are 40,000 participants in total!

We had to hang out for quite some time after the race started and afterwards I was certainly lucky that I have been doing a lot of strength training at the gym – our next task was to break down all the barriers at the start and finish areas of the race, including the entire section around the Olympic stadium. Oh my arms!!! P waited for us to finish up and then we went to celebrate with her by having a few beers and some grub that you don’t generally eat when being quite particular on a certain diet *winks* Conclusion on volunteering: It’s ok. Not sure I would do it again. Depends on the task.

watching the runners coming into the Olympic Stadium in Amsterdam was inspiring and awesome!!

hey, you get a free jacket and tee shirt out of the deal, why not volunteer?

PP ready to kick some HM a$$

I also made a very quick trip down to Brussels; my friend Dave had exactly 48 hours on this side of the world and his main purpose (besides getting to hang with two gorgeous ladies) was to visit the Hard Rock Cafe in Brussels. You see, Dave has a thing for HRC. And I can’t say I blame him because I do love to go to HRC much much more now that I’m out of the US than when I was living in the US. This is probably because it does remind me a bit of home but also I’m a sucker for music and nostalgia. Dave’s been to like 1 billion HRC’s in the world and I’m sure he’s not done yet. I missed Dave the last time he was in Amsterdam (I was in Milan) so I had to go, there was no way I was going to miss him again!

it was a cold but absolutely stunning fall day in Brussels!

pinky and dave together again!

one of my favouritest people in the world – Y! aka the DutchBitch

look at that glorious sky!

Next post I will share some good stuff that happened in November – my little weekend away with the hubs just 25 KM from home and my 15K that I ran with my running hero M (he took the place of Hubs, since hubs wasn’t able to participate).

I still have quite some things to update, but let’s leave it at this and hopefully I’ll be back in the swing of blogging again!

Have you had a crazy period recently behind you? How did you cope? What do you have going on this month, besides the holidays?

Overdue

Posted on 25 November, 2012 by Renée

It really has been almost a month since I blogged. With good reason. Seriously it’s been a wild crazy busy couple of months and the stress level has been pretty high.

I meant to update at the end of October – remember I had some goals?

1) I will not only log into MyFitnessPal every day, I will actually log the food I eat as well.
2) if I am out, for whatever reason, and I am unable to log electronically, I will do it the old fashioned way and the enter when I have a chance (I am volunteering at the Amsterdam marathon this month and will be away from the computer at that time)
3) the whole month of October I will be beer-free
4) I will go to the gym twice a week. No excuses.
5) I will run minimum twice a week.
6) I will continue to not eat the chocolates from work, the entire month of October. (not cutting out chocolate in general, just not mindlessly stress-eating from the candy jar.

I did fairly well with MFP – though I keep missing a day here or there and messing up my days in a row. Prior to going to Cornwall in September I was maybe one or two days shy of a year when I forgot to log in. I think the point here though is, logging in at least plants the seed and makes me think about what I’m going to end up entering in my food diary. Food logging isn’t the worst habit to have, in fact, I am sure that it stops people from further damage (if there is damage).

I was not beer-free the whole month, however, there were a lot less excuses for it. I had beer after the Amsterdam Marathon (where I was a volunteer, not a runner) and I had beer when I went to Brussels to the new Hard Rock Cafe with a couple of friends (one who was here for just 48 hours, purposely to go to HRC).

Running – I wanted to run minimum twice a week and it averages out to that – my mileage was 71KM which is amazingly the most I’ve run all year in a one month period.

It looks like I didn’t mention the gym in my goals and I thought I had – I wanted to go at least 2 times a week in October. I didn’t manage this every week but I went way more in October than I did since I joined my new gym earlier in the year.

November was pretty mental. Like really mental. My brain was playing a lot more tricks on me than usual – basically there is something going on at this very moment that I can not share yet (possibly next week) but it’s something that has had me waxing and waning between self-confidence and self-doubt. The times when I’m not feeling super confident seem to be the times that I’m most vulnerable to eating junk or not going to the gym or not sleeping enough. It’s definitely been a rough month yet I still have some running, cycling and gym under my belt. I’m treading water and it’s going ok but eventually I need to do something else…

I’ve got some other things I want to talk about like my weekend away at the spa hotel and the 15K I did last weekend, but those are for the next post.

What an Odd Week

Posted on 7 October, 2012 by Renée

This week was so strange. Good and bad it was just really all over the place. Most of the stress and “bad” came from work – I can’t say too much about it but I’ve gone through probably the hardest thing I’ve had to go through so far in my career, besides when I was made redundant and sent home only to not find work for 6 months. I have been a people manager for a little over 3 years and I’ve definitely learned a lot from the experience, so I guess what happened this week was just another thing to tick off my list.

Since I started off the month with goals, the bad was compensated with good – on Monday I went to the gym (this wasn’t even the most stressful day) and it helped me tremendously to have a release – the pain in my neck and shoulders from the tension was beyond anything I’d felt before and for a short period, it was gone.

Tuesday was the “worst” day. I was all over the place mentally. I just didn’t focus well at all (and I found out later that this had a big effect on my work) because I knew I had to handle something major. By the time I got home, luckily the hubs had made dinner and I was able to put together my Wednesday blog post (see? I’m trying!).

Wednesday was aftermath day at work. It felt so slow and I was quite discombobulated again. I was tired and stressed and knew I had to just make it through the day. Once it was over with I left the office with my gym bag again, this time with my running gear inside. I changed at the station and hopped on a train home. Hubs sent me a message “I don’t think you’ll want to run, it’s raining.” I sent one back “please bring me my pink Nike jacket and my black cap, rain won’t hurt me.” And so he did. When I arrived it was in fact raining but I really needed that run. I ran more than I’d planned (5K), 7.5KM in total and the rain felt so invigorating! Call me crazy but rain running is just so refreshing and as long as there is no lightening and I’m properly dressed then bring on the precipitation!

On Thursday I worked from home. I needed to do complete my team’s performance evals and with everything going on in the office I had to have some time on my own to do this. First thing I found out in the morning was that something I *didn’t* complete on Tuesday morning caused a HUGE problem and delay with our financial year-end close. I know it’s ok to make mistakes, but I remember bursting into tears thinking “How could I be so stupid!???” I am glad that 1) my boss wasn’t cross with me for it and 2) it was solvable and didn’t have an impact on the actual close itself. But still. I hate that I let stress get the better of me and that it caused a huge issue. I worked quite hard on the reviews, but didn’t eat properly and then ended up eating stuff I wouldn’t normally have and consuming way too many non value added calories.

Friday was another day of fun. All those reviews I wrote? Now it was time to deliver. I admit that this is not my favourite part of the job, although some go very well and it’s good to have a dialogue, the ones that don’t go well are too close to confrontation and defensiveness. The thing is, I know it helps me grow, each time I get through it, it’s just, well, hard. I had my gym bag and I went again to the gym after work. It felt very good once again to get rid of some stress.

On Saturday I finally got some seriously needed sleep and eventually I went into town, alone, to attempt to go shopping. One thing I really would like is to stop looking like such a raggamuffin all the time. I just don’t like shopping, I do it terribly alone and I end up being really frustrated about the whole thing. I don’t understand sizing or styles at all. I don’t think that we as curvy girls should be stuck with the trends of the non-curvy girls. I ranted a bit about it:

I felt a bit better when the responses came in, especially that others know how this feels and that it has an emotional impact. I did end up with a few things and I may give it another shot next weekend. We’ll see. I want to say though, I don’t normally have a lot of hate for my body anymore, I HAVE come a long way from that, but seriously, I wish I could just have a better experience and I don’t think that any store out there will be catering to my body type, at least not a shop I can afford (and, I am sorry, but I don’t want to shop at the Fat City type shops. I spent years and years in those clothes and I feel like I deserve to have more choice right now – for those of you in North America, you have so much more choice; we have like 3 shops and that’s it!)

Today again I was able to sleep in, yay! I love it when I get to sleep on the weekends, it really makes up for the 6 hours per night I get during the week! I decided at 12 I was going for a run, and in true “It’s Me vs. Me” fashion it took me forever to finally get everything together to go and do it (2 hours):

Because we all know that a 30 minute run actually takes about 3 hours once you talk yourself into, change, check twitter, retalk yourself into it, strap on your electronics, check twitter, fill your water bottle, warmup, run, cooldown, check twitter, pass out, stretch, check twitter, shower and change.

(go see Thea if you haven’t yet, she is über-cool)

At 2pm I left with about 10KM in mind. It was a glorious day with the exception of two girls in a bus at the bus stop staring at me while I was getting sattelite on my Garmin and then basically sticking their tongue out at me when the bus finally departed, I felt good. (But really, WTAF was their problem??? No idea!) I wanted to run along the dyke and the farmland near my apartment and then go up to Velp (a couple KM away) near my old gym, then loop back around to my house (which is about 3.5KM from the gym). Somehow or another I took the wrong bike path which didn’t lead me to Velp at all… and I noticed I was already almost at 7KM so it was going to be at least 14KM total at that point (since, well, I’d have to turn around and go back). But the sun was shining and my legs felt great and breathing was good. The views were spectacular and I couldn’t help but just smile. I walked 1 kilometer at 7KM to take a few pics and drink some of my Fitmixer (which is amazing stuff you guys, and let me tell you I’m not getting anything for saying that and once mine is finished, it’s finished… I only have the sample given to me at Fitbloggin and I won’t be able to get any more here as they don’t ship internationally) before I headed back again. So basically my run was this:

1 KM walking / warm-up
6 KM running
1 KM walking
6 KM running
1 KM walking / cool down

I could have gone on with my energy level the way it was but my feet were actually starting to hurt (I think I need different socks) so it was good that I arrived home when I did.

It was my turn to cook dinner, so while I was doing that I did three lunches up in the oven (post on Weds) and started making the enchiladas I promised the hubs. Somewhere around 45 minutes into cooking, my stomach really started bothering me. I posted on twitter and was reminded about chocolate milk. Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of milk products ever in the house, but I did have Turkish Yoghurt so decided to try that. It did help a wee bit and then with dinner it eventually calmed down.

At the risk of making this post even longer, I’ll just say that food was all over the place this week. I’m not sure why it seems harder to keep it under control compared to a couple months ago, but I just need to keep working at it. It is my goal to log every day and close out my food journal daily at MFP, even if I’m over in numbers, just to that I’m accountable and I did accomplish that this week but look at this:

Mind you the 1st is wrong, I’ve no idea why that happened -

Monday was total 1573 with 364 cals burned from exercise

Basically my goal for each day should be 1440 calories. This can go up if I work out so, fair enough, some days are higher. But some days are just really high, regardless. I want to fix that. I eat when I’m hungry so I tend to eat exercise cals (at least some) but this week has just been, well, a bit outrageous. Time to fix that.

So yeah, stress, food, exercise, a lot happened but a lot still needs to be done. Let’s see what the new week brings!

How was your week? Do you like to run in the rain? Do you eat your exercise calories or activity points?

September: That’s a Wrap!

Posted on 1 October, 2012 by Renée

79.2 KG

That’s what the scale told me this morning.

My first thought was to curse at it or throw it out the window but it only took a couple of seconds to come back to reality. You see, I did this, not the scale, and I wouldn’t throw myself out the window now would I?

We all know how mental September has been. I’ve made a point to tell everyone I know. It was an absolute blast – from my birthday to meeting new friends local and abroad, to a 10K in my home town to biking in England (and having a kind of scary accident ) to Fitbloggin.

Food has not been entirely off the rails but I reckon I’ve had more beer this past month than in several months prior. More beer = more wheat, right? And for someone who claims they are off wheat, well, it’s a little hypocritical.

So this little number on the scale, it’s 2.2 KG higher than the lowest number I saw in September and dangerously close to that 80KG mark that I really despise. This means it’s time to refocus and have some goals:

1) I will not only log into MyFitnessPal every day, I will actually log the food I eat as well.
2) if I am out, for whatever reason, and I am unable to log electronically, I will do it the old fashioned way and the enter when I have a chance (I am volunteering at the Amsterdam marathon this month and will be away from the computer at that time)
3) the whole month of October I will be beer-free
4) I will go to the gym twice a week. No excuses.
5) I will run minimum twice a week.
6) I will continue to not eat the chocolates from work, the entire month of October. (not cutting out chocolate in general, just not mindlessly stress-eating from the candy jar.

I would like to see that 77 again this month, though I’ve trained myself to not weigh very often, and I don’t want to start that jumping on the scale 12 times a day habit again. Goal would then be to weigh-in on November 1st with this result.

Did you have a crazy month? Are you ready to crack down again? What are your goals for October?

A Look Back and a Look Forward

Posted on 1 September, 2012 by Renée

Wow you guys, September is already here and I hardly even caught my breath from returning from my US holiday! It was a bit of a struggle to get in a groove again, plus I was a bit sick, plus very busy/stressed at work, but we made it! We are entering my favourite month of the year… why you ask? Because it’s my birthday month!

I honestly felt in the beginning of the month that I hadn’t done much, but look at this:

Looks fairly active, right?

In Numbers
Running 48KM
Cycling (commute or errands) 71.5KM
Cycling “sport” 102KM
Warmups/ stairs/ walking related to running 5.5KM

Not too shabby for someone who hadn’t quite found her rhythm again! In fact, in going over my numbers on endomondo as far as total KM’s go, this is the most active I’ve been since I’ve started using the program (which by the way, if you are on Endomondo, let me know! or better, add me!). Kind of amazing if I do say so myself.

Probably my favourite from this month was our two long cycle rides on our two hot Sundays we had here in the Netherlands. I love to go out and see somewhere I haven’t cycled before – I love being out in the fields and woods and seeing the animals and trees and heather and other wonderful stuff that is out there! I am a city girl but for those few hours away on a Sunday in the middle of nowhere… BLISS! Now that we have an awesome bike rack for the car we can go anywhere!

We have also started running in Sonsbeek park here in Arnhem – a great change of scenery and HILL TRAINING! Hubs and I have a standing appointment with each other on Tuesdays to run right after I arrive home at the train station; the park is just 500 metres from the station, so easy to just park and go.

This was from my first time running in my new kicks!

Did I mention I got these in Phoenix at the Runner’s Den? They came highly recommend and did NOT disappoint!

I also finally attempted to cook/bake again or at least start to put together a plan for new recipes that I AM going to try. I’ve started sharing that on the blog the last two Wednesdays and will continue to do that (just WAIT until you see next Wednesday’s Food Fest!!).

All in all a great month even though it was a tad bittersweet after spending three weeks home with my family and a bit just in Phoenix enjoying the sun and relaxation time.

But now we have SEPTEMBER! So much going on!

First of all, there’s my birthday. Now that doesn’t mean a huge event will be happening, but I like my birthday and am happy to have made it another year and hopefully with plenty of years tacked on from doing my best to live a healthy life.

I have the Arnhem Bridge to Bridge coming up:

I’m doing the 6EM (English Miles) which is almost 10K. Hubs is joining me and I also found out last week that a girl from my meetup club (the Arnhem Expats v2.0) is doing the 5K and it’s her very first race! I’m really excited for her and hopefully we can meet up next Saturday (the race is on Sunday) so I can show her where we start and how to fix her chip and talk to her about anything else she may be worried about. I remember my first race(a 12K!!); I was nervous and my running hero M was the one that totally prepped me and helped me believe that it was going to be GREAT and nothing to worry about. This girl actually sent me a mail a couple of weeks ago, telling me she was thinking of signing up, but was scared and I told her to go for it, that I would be there too. I ran into her last Saturday and she told me she signed up!

On Saturday the 15th of September I am participating in a 40KM Women’s Cycletta with my good friend E.

Not only do I get to go to Cornwall, somewhere I’ve been dying to go and never properly found the opportunity to do so, I get to participate in an amazing Festival of Sport with one of my long-time fitness friends! We actually “met” each other on a Yahoo Group when we started Weight Watchers back in September 1999 and have been friends ever since.

Here she is with my stepdaughter and her daughter in Gorinchem April 2011 (last time I saw her – she’s Dutch but lives in England)

and discussing world domination over beers and bitterballen:

*pretty sure there will be some beer consumption whilst I’m in Cornwall…

On the 19th of September I fly to Washington, DC, to catch a train to Baltimore, to go to…

OMG I am excited! And nervous! Hopefully I won’t throw up on some of my favourite bloggers because of nerves! If I do, I’m sorry, it’s probably at least “clean” puke!

I feel a bit nuts that I am flying to the US for this, but I decided already in January to go, I’ve found roommates (unfortunately my first roommate isn’t able to go now, but I still love her and will miss her there!) – one of them being the one and only Robby of Fat Girl vs. World – and I’ve bought my ticket, so I guess that means I’m REALLY going!

I’ll be back in the Netherlands on the 24th and then one of my good friends and her husband will be here from the 24th to the 29th. Oh and did I mention I work in finance and it’s year-end? Yeah. That last week will be a rough one for sure.

So. Hmmm. Wonder when I’m going to find time for the gym and running? Luckily no races in October, but can’t say that for November, December or January…

How was your August? What was your favourite part?
What do you have planned for September?

Phew! I made it!

Posted on 26 August, 2012 by Renée

It was a ROUGH week, at least from a work perspective.

It’s busy, people are still on vacation, it’s end of the month, it’s almost end of the year… there’s just a LOT going on.

I wanted more than anything to run twice and go to the gym once this week and I DID IT. So happy about this. I could tell you that it wasn’t exactly how I would have wanted or expected it to be, but actually I’m even starting to “not care” if it’s brilliant run or not, you know what I mean? It’s more like, “Did you plan it?” Yes. “Did you do it?” Yes. Good, that’s what matters.

So Tuesday as you know we ran in Sonsbeek Park. My new thing is to warm up with stairs:

This area of the park is called Steile Tuin which literally means “Steep Garden”. We did not run up all of these stairs, just counted up to twenty and then back down again, over and over until 10 minutes had passed.

The few times we have been at Sonsbeek we just do a walking warm up which unfortunately lands us on an uphill climb once the 5ish minutes have passed that we determined for the warm up. I don’t know about you, but I find directly running uphill to start kind of hard…

Hubs had a pain in his leg (he struggles a lot with pain various parts of his body and this weekend we got him new shoes so we are hoping that may at least make his problems less) and it was just too much after 3KM. So he stopped and I went an additional 3KM.

On Wednesday I went to the gym! YES, I WENT TO THE GYM! I haven’t been since the end of June. Seriously. I skipped July of course because I was away, but wow has it been challenging to get there in August! First I was sick and then I was just exhausted and busy at work and my head wasn’t in the right place. But I went and it felt good! Of course I am still feeling my legs and butt from those squats I did… I guess that means that it’s working right?

I also did planks (2 to be exact) at the gym – I remember my trainer “cheering” me on, that I could make 45 seconds, one minute, etc. I felt like I couldn’t but I did. So now I did them just with his voice in my head and it worked. I know these are really good for your core so I want to do them daily. Well, at least one.

On Thursday I planned with a colleague to go for a run after work. So that’s the thing – make an appointment with someone, you are not likely to cancel (making an appointment with yourself is much easier to cancel, though I don’t see why it should be!). So, 16:15 rolled around, we got changed and headed out.

This wasn’t the greatest run of my life but it didn’t matter- I’d had a REALLY stressful day and just going outside really, really helped. The temperature was PERFECT, we were in the woods, we got a little lost – hahaha! – but I had a bit of a cramp in my side (not a stitch, no idea what it was) so I had to keep stopping to just walk for a bit. We are going to run next week together too. I don’t have a lot of running partners, and I don’t mind so much to run alone, but it’s nice to have this with someone who understands mentally the need to get out and let go.

Highlight of the Week:

NOT paleo, mind you…

Hahaha! I can’t tell you how much I needed that after the week I had! We had a couple of beers at our favourite Greek restaurant and for the first time in my life took some of my dinner home because I just couldn’t finish and I didn’t want to explode by eating it all. It’s kind of tough to find places in NL that will give you a doggy bag, but Rhodos does so guess what I had for breakfast Saturday morning? Yeah, Paleo-style baby!!

Yesterday we also did some health and fitness shopping; Hubs got a new pair of running shoes (asics – after analysis and trying several different pairs), I bought a new/better pair of bike shorts (a sort of two in one so I don’t look so much like a twat – yes I said that!), some biking gloves (lost the other pair) and now I’m pretty much ready to go to Cornwall for the Cycletta Event at the Festival of Sport. I also bought some ingredients to make my own Larabars; if I’m lucky/make the time I should still be able to do that today and let you guys know how it goes.

Oh and rest assured, I finally got a new running sports bra. No more twin floppies and old lady boobs photos shall be taken of me until the NEXT time I need a new sports bra!

How was your week? Were you able to do the things you planned for yourself? Did you learn anything about yourself?

Vacation – Part I

Posted on 5 August, 2012 by Renée

Wow. How does one actually update after being away from the blog more than a month and part of that (3 weeks) being vacation?

I’ve thought all week about what to post but I’m still a little lost. So how about we just start at the beginning?

We actually left on the 9th of July to fly to Phoenix via London. We had quite a long layover in London and since I’m still on my gluten-free experiment, prior to leaving the Netherlands I went to a crunchy shop to buy some stuff to snack on that would keep me on the straight and narrow. One thing I didn’t want to do was use vacation as an excuse to eat whatever came into view, so I was fully prepared in case I became hungry. This actually really worked well so I’m glad I thought about it and planned ahead.

After a long day of travelling, we arrived in Phoenix, waited in the godawful queue to get through customs (this is something I don’t get; I have a US passport, my family are Dutch, but we all come in together. Why do we have to all wait in the NON-US line? Last year in Atlanta I was told to bring my family with me. Different rules everywhere. Make up your mind people!), picked up our rental car and drove the 2 miles down the road to our hotel. Within about 3 minutes of checking in, we dug out our swimsuits and jumped in the pool. It was HOT in Phoenix, about 115 degrees Fahrenheit.

I won’t recap the whole vacation, I promise :)

We took a couple of days to drive to Albuquerque, going immediately the next day to the Grand Canyon. My second visit. Still Amazing!

We also went to the Petrified Forest and the Painted Dessert. I’ve never been there before, even though I’m from the area. I guess that’s always the way things go. It was nice to just drive, stop when we needed, get an ice cream, listen to Sirius radio all 80′s hits :) Very relaxed. I felt a sense of real relief and joy when we saw the “WELCOME TO NEW MEXICO” Sign; finally I was HOME! About an hour before we got to Albuquerque, it started to rain. Trust me though, the rain in NM is wonderful! It’s cold and it’s huge drops and it comes down completely out of the blue and makes everything smell and feel clean. I miss that so much. Even the kids said they really loved the rain. So different from what we have in NL.

So we arrived at my dad and stepmom’s place and basically we stayed there for two weeks :) We did also see my mom and stepdad, my brother, his wife and my nephew, but it was easiest to stay at dad’s in Albuquerque; more room and the use of the car, plus my grandmother is now in a care facility there and my dad brings her over every Tuesday and Thursday so I was able to spend time with her as well. I was able to see also two of my best friends from school, Tammy and her husband Brian and Shaun and Shaun’s husband Tony (who were even at our wedding in 2009 :) ).

I loved that I could go to the Sunflower Market (like a Trader Joe’s I guess) and buy fresh fruits and vegetables, and gluten-free products to keep me on my program. While we did go out for breakfasts (easy to get something NOT pancake related) a few lunches and some dinners I just stayed away from wheat as much as possible. I ate well. I even over indulged at times (hey, life is short), I had beer (not Paleo, I know!), margaritas, wine, ice cream, other deserts and you know what – THE WORLD DIDN’T END!

We went back to Phoenix during our last week, on a Tuesday, but it was really sad to go. Even my little guy started crying when he said goodbye to my stepmom. The kids did so well speaking English. My stepson helped my dad with all kinds of things and my dad taught him some things about photography. Luckily in Phoenix we were right next to the Fashion Square Mall (ok, technically Scottsdale), but I was also able to see an old school friend of mine again. It was HOT HOT HOT in Phoenix, but we dealt with it by hanging out at the pool. Tough life, eh?

The trip back was LONG but we managed. Everything went smoothly until of course we were back in NL and we couldn’t get directly home by train, there was construction and we had to take a bus partially. At 11pm no one was really interested in doing that, but yeah, what are you going to do?

Jet lag has been hard to get over. Then I got sick and I NEVER get sick, so that was really annoying (I’m still a little bit chesty, I don’t know what it is). I took Wednesday and Thursday off sick because I had fever as well as this chesty/cough thing going on. Friday I had no more fever so it was time to go back. Still trying to get into the swing of things again.

It was great being home. Things change in life and we are going to definitely start talking about and planning on eventually going back. My parents are getting older and I don’t want to be too far away anymore. Of course it’s all early stages and the kids need to be a bit older before we go, but it just goes to show you that you NEVER know how life is going to turn out – you just have to be willing to LIVE life and be OPEN to changes or opportunities.

{run} {laugh} {eat pie}

amazing what changes when you start to run

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