And… Another Race!

A few months ago I signed up for the Spieren voor Spieren (that’s “muscles for muscles” literally translated) City Run in Hilversum (the media capital of the Netherlands). I knew it was the week after Milan and I thought it would be fine since at Milan I was “only” running 7KM so no big deal right?

Milan came and went and I was pretty darned exhausted the week after, not to mention crazily busy at work and I thought “really, Pinky? what have you done!?” I was not really in the right mind set to do another race so soon afterwards.

The nice thing about it though, was that my colleague Sam, was also running! What I didn’t know was that it was her VERY FIRST race! And a 10K to boot! So probably by Wednesday/Thursday last week I was feeling it a little bit more and looking forward to at least meeting up with her and her partner and starting the race together.


Hubs was once again gracious enough to get out of bed early on a Sunday to accompany me to the race. Hilversum is not so far away, but not close either, so we still were out the door around 9:15 to start the journey to get there. I used to work in Hilversum (it’s where I worked when I first came to the Netherlands) and I have a soft spot for the place (many of my “firsts” in this country happened here) but I didn’t really research where the route would take me so I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect. Turns out the course went through the Media Park (never been there) so it was fun to see all the television studios. It also went up the street where I used to work and around one of my most favourite buildings in the country, the Hilversum Town Hall (by the famous architect Dudok)

hilversum - dudok town hall 01

The weather was fairly cooperative and I felt good and it turns out I ran my fastest 10K to date!

For me this is real improvement! In June of last year when I ran Rotterdam, if you recall correctly, it was completely on my bad knee. I had to stop running after this and now I know it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I’ve learned a lot about how to take care of myself in order to run better and stronger and I’ve learned something VERY important:

NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS
YOU ARE YOU
YOU ARE UNIQUE
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SPECIAL QUALITIES

I have been WAY more relaxed about running since I started up again and I have absolutely NO DESIRE to do any more than I know I am capable of at this time in my life.

When you are relaxed, you just perform better. When you don’t CARE if you PR or not, you just perform better. By that I mean, if you are good in your head, no matter what the outcome, it is ALL good.

As you can also see I have already some other races lined up and I am truly looking forward to them.

Week In Review:: 13 Nov – 20 Nov

Reflections this week

Right. Let’s just get it out there. I have an important announcement to make.

I am no longer on a mission to lose weight.

Nope. I’m fine the way I am.

I’m not going to write about how much I gained or lost or maintained yet again because let’s face it, it makes me totally unhappy and what is the point of doing something continually when it just makes you mental and totally unhappy?

So, I’m done.

What does that mean, exactly, you are asking yourself? She is QUITTING?

No. There is nothing to quit. I just am no longer focusing on the scale numbers. I’m going to continue what I’m doing now because it works as far as 1) not eating too many calories goes and 2) what and when I’m eating is keeping me from being ravenous. From now on I’m all about healthy food, living life and staying fit. I’m also going to continue running and working out at the gym. I’m going to stay active. So you see? I’m not quitting anything. Weight loss simply is not the goal anymore.

I’ve had several comments that I’ve taken to heart in the past week and my husband has also mentioned several times that it’s time to start living and I am fully on board now. You all are right. It’s time to let go.

So that’s out of the way. Moving right along…

This week was good, bad and then good again. I planned, I cooked, I prepared, but I had a few off days where I felt like complete crap. As I mentioned here I basically took a quick downward spiral and felt myself saying SCREW THIS yet again because of the damn number on the scale. After a couple of days, I picked myself up again and I’ve ended on a high note with a brilliant run today.

As far as fitness goes:

Thursday I ran – 6.35 KM / 10 min walking then 10 min running + 2 walking x 3
Saturday to the gym, first biking, then gym, then a long loop back for a total of almost 12KM
Today an awesome run of 8KM/ 1KM walking, 6.5KM running, 500m walking (then unofficially walking a bit more home)

The run today in particular gave me such an amazing feeling! Running pain free is SO AMAZING!! And for some reason I feel like I’m running differently now. It’s hard to explain but I’m more upright, more confident, more fluid, if that makes any sense? It feels more natural for some reason. Maybe simply because I have been struggling for so long WITH PAIN that I was too rigid in how I was holding myself. I don’t know … whatever it is, I feel great and I’m really looking forward to Egmond aan Zee Quarter Marathon on 8 January!!

I want to sign up to do about a million races at this point, but I know I need to not get ahead of myself. I just know now more than ever, I’m a runner, this is what I do and THIS is what makes me happy!

Part II::What to do when you can’t do what you do

I went to the physio. I was definitely not happy with the outcome. In fact I went home and I broke down and sobbed on my husband’s shoulder. What the hell was I going to do now? What about my races? I had a race on the 3rd of July! What about the Dam to Dam??? The Seven Hills???? What was I going to do without my races? These are the things that keep my focus, the things I look forward to. Now I have nothing!

But that’s not the truth. I don’t have “nothing”. The physio says I can cycle, I can walk, I can go to the gym. I just can’t run. No heavy impact on the knees. That cycling I was doing since January and more seriously since May was about to begin again.

After the no-running news I just happened to get sick (and by the way, I never get sick, so I have no idea what happened, but I was out for the count). I spent the entire weekend in bed with fever, cough and a sinus-cavity that felt like it would explode at any moment.

On the Monday I stayed home from work as I wasn’t feeling 100% and at some point I got sick of lying in bed so I went to lie on the couch. I switched my television on and started flipping through the channels. I ended up on a Dutch cable channel where a documentary was showing about Leontien van Moorsel. I’d heard the name before and quickly googled her on the Blackberry; aha, of course, only one of the most amazing Dutch WOMEN cyclists ever. I watched the documentary and was amazed. She’s this incredibly talented cyclist who struggled with her weight – who became ill because of the obsession to lose the kilos to be more fit for cycling. And when she was well again she went on to win gold medals in the Olympics. Watching the footage, seeing how real she was, knowing about my own demons with weight and performance, I cried as I watched her. I cried as I saw her parents at the finish crying, hugging her, feeling so proud. I cried because I know there have been times where I felt I would do anything to lose weight, just so I could perform better.

I started to look further on the internet for Leontien. Wouldn’t you know it? She’s got her own website here in the Netherlands. And guess what else? She organizes Ladies Rides a few times a year. You know what else? There’s one in September, in Den Bosch – 70 KM. I can’t run but I can BIKE! I signed up immediately. In fact I think it’s the same weekend as the Dam to Dam. This gives me a goal again. A focus. Something to look forward to!

While I don’t think it will be a piece of cake, I also am really confident that it will go very well. I’m not a stranger to long bike rides, nor am I a stranger to hills (should there be any. I think there are but I’m not super knowledgeable about that area). I’ve done a few long bike rides recently:

Oss – Nijmegen (Hubs and I went to Oss in June to see our new kitten we are taking home in August)

The Loenermarkroute (this is fairly close to us, in the Veluwe Zoom)

To the German Border and loop back around

This Sunday we’ll ride to Nijmegen and back – that should be minimum 40KM

I’m glad to have something to strive towards – in the meantime I’ll go to the gym and the physio as well and hopefully after these 3 – 6 months I’ll be done with this knee problem for the most part for GOOD! I’m looking forward to running again, for sure, but I’m going to make the best of this time off!

Numbers and Stuff

As a self-proclaimed hater of calorie counting, I have to admit I’m kind of enjoying this new challenge. That’s how I see it, as a challenge. To see all the numbers, not just the Weight Watcher ProPoints, has been kind of fun in a twisted diet-mentality kind of way. Because, let’s face it. All of us who are using some sort of “help” to purposely lose weight are in diet-mentality mode. Not to say that it can not be for the greater good, our overall health and long-term results, but it’s still diet-mentality. Most of us will always have to focus on this to maintain a healthy weight for the rest of our lives, right? Or does that sound negative?

Anyway. I mentioned things weren’t going well in the area of weight-maintenance after I quit WW and after my vacation. Switching up to My Fitness Pal has really been good for me. Mentally especially. I give you the numbers:

Net Calorie Consumption since starting MFP:

Calories Burned since starting MFP:

My BMI, close to healthy, can’t complain too much:

After about 2 weeks I weighed in and lost 700g or about 2 lbs. Weight on W/I day was 82.3KG. This morning I checked because I was also curious about body fat percentage and water percentage:

Weight 82.0 KG
Body Fat: 34.3%
Water: 48%

To be perfectly honest, I really don’t know how accurate my scale is and what it all means. I’m assuming that my water percentage is fine and the fat percentage doesn’t sound too bad, but maybe “healthy” is around 25%? If anyone out there is still reading and you know, maybe you can let me know :)

So. Yeah. It’s not so bad. In some ways I’m feeling a lot better about myself and I also feel like however I do this it’s going to be ok. I miss the support on twitter, but I did this to myself I suppose. I switched back to my original twitter profile and got rid of lowfatpie (not totally deleted but it’s going) and though I re-followed most people I seem to have lost the connections. Not all of course, because I’m very grateful that I still talk to several people regularly and to be perfectly honest, what more could I ask for, right? But let say the people I was talking to more regularly last year are not the same as now. I know I also was very negative about a lot of things – weight watchers and my own lack of success – but I also wonder how it is all right to dump someone when they actually need support the most? Well. They don’t really know me so how could I have any expectations like that?

More stuff – lots of cycling going on here, a bit of running and I even went to the gym last week! I have a race in just two weeks from today as well. I still haven’t fully gotten the running mojo back, but I’m not giving up. If there is one thing I’ve been consistent about, it’s not giving up!!

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Positive Post: Monday Reflections and Ten Things

Last week was a mixture of the good stuff and the not so good stuff. Stress is a fairly common factor in my life at the moment, at least when it comes to work. It was probably the worst week for someone new to start on my team, but it happened anyway and I had to go with the flow.

That flow meant that I lost control yet again but got such great support from my twitter and blog friends that I was able to turn things around and shift my brain so that I can work towards overcoming that loss of control. It’s still early days, but I feel like I can really DO this. It’s maybe a bit boring but I really, honestly don’t have underlying issues that need to be dealt with; I HAVE been dealing with my issues for many years now and because of that I’m actually where I am right now. I know where my insecurities are and I know why I try to push my emotions (and stress) down. I’m going to be a lot more open and vocal (blogful?) about those things.

I was able to switch the flow a bit and ran twice (on Monday and Friday) and went to the gym on Tuesday (a major achievement since normally I would go straight for the wine and pizza after consuming 3,672 italian chocolates thinking “f*ck it”) and I am so thankful that hubs is now going too. It’s that little bit more making me accountable.

I wasn’t super excited for Saturday, but knowing that my emotions may come into play as we went to pick up the ashes of my beloved Frankie who unfortunately died at 18 years old, I told myself that it was ok to feel, rather than eat the feelings away.

Goodnight my Sweet Frankie

There was no junk consumed. In fact, I only had one glass of wine that evening (I usually reserve 2 or 3 for Saturday night) because of course …

I had my 10.5K in Egmond on Sunday. Which was awesome.

I feel like I am honestly on my way to real acceptance. This is who I am. This is the body I accept. I can do many things. I am healthy. I’m strong. I’m funny. I’m a good friend. A good person. I really can’t complain about much. So I have a few issues with how my clothes fit. A luxury problem. I’ll make the best of it.

10 Things to Look Forward to This Week

1. I only work three days this week!
2. Hub’s birthday on Wednesday – since he kind of rocks my world, I love celebrating the day he was born
3. Seeing not only 1, but 2 friends on Thursday
4. Running!
5. Calling my dad to see how his treatment went (please think good thoughts – he’s having radiation for prostate cancer)
6. Hubs making a new recipe for dinner (a Malaysian Curry)
7. Finally getting to talk to my doctor about what could be going on with me (appt Thurs morning 8am)
8. Gym
9. Going out to dinner for the guy’s birthday, which always means a good laugh with my love.
10. Prepping for Hub’s birthday party on Saturday (and then enjoying the party!!)

What are you looking forward to this week?

Positive Post: 1st Monday of the Year Edition

Usually Mondays are fairly tough to get cranked up. A typical Sunday night is to struggle with sleep and/or wake up every few hours and then when it is actually time to get up, there is more struggling taking place. Last night was no exception but I had already had it in my mind that no matter what, I was going to not be cranky in the morning.

Sunday I spent a lot of time in the kitchen. Usually the rush to get my lunch and snacks ready for the next day happens too late, as in somewhere around 9.30 – 10pm when I should be winding down and getting ready for bed. Instead, I spent the afternoon making carrot soup, roasted veggies and quinoa for the week. That means no prepping at all this morning, just making breakfast (steel cut oats courtesy of @foodiemcbody, @eddiemonsoon and @rissamama3) and packing my lunch in my backpack. I will continue to prep in the evening this week so that there is no rushing going on in the morning (this is a source of stress that I would like to eliminate).

I have set up my training schedule on Nike+ for the Half Marathon which means I need to keep the appointments to run so that I will be successful at the end of April in Utrecht. Another thing that I will be doing is going to the gym twice a week. Tuesday evening the Hubs and I will (hopefully) go together (or I’ll go on my own). All of the feedback I have received over several months is that I need a variance in training, ie not just running. I need to strength train as well. I would like to get myelf to the point where I go to the gym on the weekend at least once as well, but let’s not set too many high expectations for myself just yet.

With the stress at work I just need to remember to breathe. Deep, cleansing breaths. I have a new guy starting today but of course it’s quite possibly the worst day to have someone start, but I will get through it with my team. I just need to breathe.

I’ve got the control back this week. No more letting the stress of life, work, lack of sleep get me down. Keeping my appointments with myself will in turn do a lot for my self-esteem and give me a sense of accomplishment. I’m ready!!

What positive things are you doing for yourself this week to set yourself up for success?

I’m Not a Weight Watchers Leader

Nor do I pretend to be.
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There was a time though, that I was at my goal weight of 68KG or 150lbs, that I went religiously to my meeting every week, brought friends with me, had online “clubs” (remember Yahoo! Clubs?), and supported and cheered on new and old friends as we each worked on our health and fitness goals. There was a time when I had a personal trainer and a fancy schmancy gym and had very low body fat and felt really good about my physical self. There was a time when I “coached” people I through hard times of their own weight loss goals and helped them get through rough patches. And then there was a time that I actually applied to be a Weight Watchers leader, and asked specifically to do a class of Non-Dutch Speaking members as I knew so many in the Expat community I belonged in who would have joined had there only been someone who could explain it in English. My application letter was probably one of the best letters I’ve ever written in my life (in Dutch of course!). It was beautiful. It was clear and specific. It was so good they couldn’t say no. But guess what? They said “no”.
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I have never really understood why. They had a whole other group of people out there they could make a profit from, yet they were not interested, not “at this time”.
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So, OK. I believe in the program. In general. I believe it’s the most realistic and the most flexible. It teaches you how to actually LIVE and make choices for a better life, rather than following a plan that maybe isn’t realistic at all (fasting? juicing? cabbage soup diet anyone?). We all know after trying several different ways of losing weight that short term “dieting” leads to short term success. Am I wrong? How many of you out there have lost then gained then lost then gained then lost? Each time telling yourself “THIS time is different!” “This time I’m really going to do it!”. I like Weight Watchers because I can eat WHATEVER I WANT as long as it fits in the plan.
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Or can I?
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Seems like the new program is telling me, telling us, something different. Seems like the suggestion is out there to choose nutritionally sound foods that are worth more in points to reach your daily targets. Because now it’s not about calories and fat anymore (and fibre? I guess in North America you were counting fibre) Maybe this is my problem? Most of the things I eat are fruit (0), vegetables (0), proteins, superfoods, whole grains, good fat fish, yoghurt, and lean meats. I can tell you right now, I have no problem looking for and eating foods that are really beneficial to me. I like to try new and different foods, different combinations and I’m totally open to suggestions.
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I have 29 ProPoints a day. I can also tell you, it’s not rare at all for me to go OVER that total. I’m eating foods in the right portion sizes, weighing and measuring everything out and as you have heard from me (maybe) before, I’m often hungry. So part of what I’m doing now is accepting and not feeling bad about dipping into my 49 weekly points (which will drop to 42 when I get under 80KG). I’m working on working out for extra points to enjoy my wine and maybe a meal out in the weekend, instead of the letting the guilt and anger fester up and frustrate me.
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But WHY do I always go over my points? How can I get under? I already eat buttloads (literally, people!) of fruit and vegetables, this doesn’t always help me when I’m hungry. I’m working with a dietitian ,who is trying to work out some food combinations and times to eat to help me with this issue I have. More importantly (yes, mother, I know I shouldn’t compare), why is it that others don’t seem to have this same problem?
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I’m not a Weight Watchers Leader. Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me. BUT, I’ve been a Weight Watcher long enough (and I was at my goal for 3 years and I AM a lifetime member) to know that I can help. I can help others, who in turn may just help me!
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What I do know, from ProPoints is to go with the green foods -
potatoes (natural! not french fries, or potato chips/crisps)
heavy/whole grain bread
certain kinds of pasta and rice
starchy veggies, beans (legumes/pulses)
eggs, kwark, yoghurt
tofu, tempeh, quorn, seitan
fish and shellfish (and a focus on the good fats)
lean meats, poultry, organs -kidneys and livers (yeah, not gonna do it)
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I’m of the opinion that you do not have to “eat green” all the time. I mean, I do love my rice and my pasta, but I always try to combine it with something nutritionally sound and use good fats (olive oil, coconut oil) to cook in. I eat oily fish at least once a week. Hubs and I have at least 2 vegetarian dinners per week as well. Moderation, planning, control but also living life. Now if I can just get my points in line, stop my hunger or at least stifle it a bit and work this program like it’s meant to be done, I may even lose some weight too.
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I’m not a Weight Watchers Leader. I don’t even play one on TV. But I can help. So let me help you. Trust me you will be doing me a huge favor as well. We can do this together. We can totally SUCCEED together.

And, we’re Back

After nearly one year of being on ProPoints (well, let’s face it I took a break for a few months because it was doing my head in), I can’t help but have mixed feelings now that the US/ North America will be using the program soon (and the UK already started apparently).
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Why mixed feelings? Well, it’s just funny that I have been talking about ProPoints, bitching about ProPoints, moaning about ProPoints but my cries have gone to a limited audience. In some ways it feels good because finally we are all on the same plan – and it’s never been like that since I started in 1999 – I won’t be talking mumbo jumbo or vice versa, I may even be able to exchange recipes, ideas, plans with others. It feels less good when I think about how much I have struggled with it, the fact that I still don’t know how “they” come up with my daily / weekly points, the fact that I can never seem to just hit my daily and not dip into my weekly free points every day. I struggled for months and months with hunger (and now that I’m running less I am in fact less hungry) and no one could really explain anything to me. It was sending a really negative message to my brain – going over points = eating too much, trying to eat less+ hunger = total frustration. And as you all know I have NOT really lost weight on the ProPoints plan. I have no idea if it’s me or the plan, so let’s say it’s me until I can scientifically prove otherwise.
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One of the things I wanted to do this month was decide yay or nay if I was going to continue with Weight Watchers or not, since my credit card was about to expire and I normally follow online rather than go to the meetings (I would love to go to the meetings, but it’s highly unlikely to get to a meeting if I want to run, go to the gym, be social, hey, maybe even get some sleep every once in a while) and I have decided in fact to start over again. I’m not really sure why, except that I really hate to give up on anything and I don’t feel like I really gave it 100% the last six months. It’s time to do it without any excuses, without letting the numbers get to me, and WITH a full commitment. So there you go. New credit card, extension made on my program.
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Admittedly I was already slightly irritated last night when I noticed my totals of the day were way over my 29 points, and even though I earned activity points from running, watching my weekly free points go down by 12 was really disheartening. I thought about what I ate, how I prepared my foods, how I weighed and measured everything out. I wanted very much to eat another enchilada after running and decided against it but then I felt angry as I stared at the number 41 looking back at me from the screen. If I just keep going, I can get over this number thing I seem to enjoy arguing with internally. So, I’m keeping going.
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Day two on ProPoints has been much better, hit my daily of 29, though am admittedly hungry – I think this may have something to do with the fact that we had dinner fairly early and that I went to the gym. I just want to be sure to have enough activity points from this week to not have a deficit in the weekend when I want to have a couple of glasses of wine or a homemade thai curry. Enjoying my life is still important to me and I’m not going to apologise for having food and drink fall into my enjoyment category. Now I just have to be a bit strategic about it.
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So, here’s the deal – I see a lot of traffic coming in from searches for ProPoints like:
Can I carry over my points?
How many points for walking?
How are daily ProPoints calculated?
How many ProPoints in pizza/ almonds / basmati rice/ add your favourite food here?
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Well you get the gist, right? The thing is, I know some answers, and some I don’t. And our food is different here than in North America. And our exercise might even be calculated differently. I’m happy to help in any way. To answer any question anyone asks me directly. So just ask. I have learned some tricks and certainly some tips and I would love to help. But honestly, I think if you follow Weight Watchers, just read your materials and be patient and do whatever you need to do to make it work for you.
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We all have ways to improve our health. Some people count calories, some people follow Weight Watchers, Atkins, Slimming World, Body for Life, etc. I choose Weight Watchers because in the past it has really helped me learn about a healthy balance. I’ve learned about nutrition, portion control, and have actually figured out that I LIKE eating healthy and trying new new things. I definitely need structure and I am committed to making this work regardless of how long it takes.
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Are you following Weight Watchers? What do you think of the new program? Are you nervous? Excited? Scared? What questions do you have about the program?
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and just a PS: please drop by Endurance isn’t only physical for Tricia’s Moving Comfort Sports Bra Giveaway. I don’t know if you guys remember when I first discovered Running Skirts . Com but it was Tricia who had a coupon code on her blog that introduced me to the company and I’ve been checking out her blog ever since. Everyone has a chance to win, and goodness knows we ALL need to be wearing proper sports bras! Drop by and enter the giveaway!

Getting Le Crap Together

Looks like I’ve finally reached the point where I’m sick enough of myself and my excuses to do something.

So, I have a plan for next week. Today is already pretty much over (not a license to eat like a person who doesn’t care about her body), we start over again tomorrow.

I have planned out our dinners. And I will plan my running and gym for next week too. Unless I am lying in the hospital on my last breath, I will be doing both this week.

If you hate food / food planning posts you can stop here and just go directly to the comments and tell me how cool I am.

Dinners Planned:
Sunday – Spaghetti with home made sauce and meatballs *we always make the sauce ourselves and the meatballs are from extra lean beef. We have a tradition of pasta on Sundays, generally when we have the kids (which is this weekend). The sauce is made up of only tomatoes, 1 TBSP of olive oil and fresh italian herbs. This is a fairly healthy dish. It’s the QUANTITY that I can shove down my gullet that gets to me every time.

Monday – couscous, turkey medallions and vegetables * this is one of my healthier go-to dishes when I need to cook. Nothing is really “bad” in this dish. For the vegetables I use red, green and yellow paprika peppers, mushrooms and red onion. This will be sautéed in 1 TBSP coconut oil. Turkey to be marinated a wee bit in some sweet-soy sauce, some chili paste, salt, pepper, garlic.

Tuesday – White fish with rice and haricots verts * usually I use tilapia or pangasius (catfish I think in English). this is covered with 1 TBSP olive oil, lemon, salt, pepper, garlic and fresh basil. All that cooked in the pan for a couple of minutes, then a tin of tomato chunks, lemon juice and a wee bit of water is poured over the fish left to simmer for a few minutes. The beans are steamed in the rice cooker with the rice.

Wednesday – chicken stir fry with rice * pretty self explanatory. We buy a bag of stir fry veg to cook this quickly. There is some sweet-soy involved, and some chili paste.

Thursday – I’m not in control of Thursday as hubs is cooking for his study partner. It will be an Indian curry. Always made to adapt to our healthy eating epicness.

Friday – I’m out with friends, hubs is on his own. We’re going to a Burger Bar and then for drinks. For me it will not be an out of control evening because of the fact that I will be in Amsterdam and still have to travel back to Arnhem in the evening. Since our train station is a complete disaster I may even need to leave the city earlier than I normally do just to make it home with alternative transport.

I WILL RUN on these days:
Tuesday
Thursday
*quite possibly Friday with some colleagues at work during the day

I WILL go to the gym on these days:
Monday
Wednesday

I have an appt with my Dietitian on Wednesday and will prepare dinner AFTER I go to the gym. I will go to the gym DIRECTLY after the appointment. Luckily I am working from home that day so there is NO EXCUSE to not go.

I don’t generally need help with my daily food planning because I tend to rotate the same things. I make sure I get my veggies in by either already including them at breakfast, having a huge salad at lunch, or snacking on them throughout the day. Fruits are also a non issue – those are also always included throughout the day. I made a shopping list that hubs so wonderfully and willingly took with him to the supermarket. I made a huge pot of Spicy Carrot and other Vegetables soup (I had some veggies that were approaching the end of their life cycle so I threw them in) and will have that during the week in the afternoon (or at lunch) instead of cup-a-soup. I am also making some Kamut and that will be added to the soup for a source of protein and bulking up.

I am making some hummus also tomorrow and will have that for my sandwich portion of the lunch this week, along with avocado and sun-dried (not in oil) or even regular tomatoes.

Basically, I’m putting it out there and I’m doing it. No more excuses. Time to get my crap together and my ass in gear.

The Dietitian, The Scale and Two Races

Ugh. It’s been so difficult time-wise to put together my thoughts on several different areas right now. There are only 24 hours in a day and I have to use them wisely. Sometimes that means putting the blogs on the back burner and doing whatever I need to do to get through the day.

Last Monday I went to another dietitian. At the very least she listened to me. I had 45 minutes with her as opposed to the guy at the gym where I got 10 minutes. He basically told me to follow a list and train more and harder. I needed to work out minimum 3 hours per week in addition to the minimum 2 times a week I was going running. He didn’t seem to hear the fact that I work 130 kilometres away and training 5 days a week (at least going to the gym 3 times) is just not possible. He expected that I should lose 2 kilos a week if I followed his rules. This new dietitian listened to me, did give me a list but tailored it to what I like to eat. She took into account that I often replace dairy with soy or at least goat instead of cow’s milk (not all the time, but often). She took into account that I am NOT a sandwich girl and told me that I was doing a great thing with my little salads at lunch. She told me that actually there wasn’t much wrong with what I was eating but maybe we still had to work on portion control (and I don’t disagree). She asked me if I got enough sleep. I have mentioned before that I think my lack of proper sleep has something to do with my very-often-hunger feeling but she is the first professional to ask me (I have said it to my doctor before many, many times). She said it could very well be lack of sleep that is messing with my ability to lose weight right now. It’s not for certain, so first I have to try again a few things (like what is on her list). It’s been an entire week since I saw her and to be perfectly honest, I have not followed that list to a “T” so I can’t really complain if I’m not losing any weight, right?

Speaking of which – the scale: I have been on it a few times since I returned from Rome. It has gone down and then up again, just like the usual. At this very moment (or as of this very morning) it was 80.2 KG. I have also said this before – I do not want to weight 80KG. It’s still in the overweight category. However, I am slowly feeling calmer and accepting of the fact that this is what it is right now and as long as I keep doing what I’m doing (exercise, being mindful of what I eat, running) I am fine. I feel fine. I look fine. I’m not perfect, but then again I don’t want to be. I would like to weigh less. What more can I really do if I’m already doing the best that I can? I will keep focusing on feeling good and being healthy.

So everyone knows that I had a 16K race this past Sunday, but I also had a race the Sunday prior to that – the Bridge to Bridge in Arnhem. I *only* did the 5K but it was actually my first 5K (my first actual race was in March, the Zandvoort Circuit Run 12K and then in April I did the Zuidas 6K). This was purely a logistical decision on our part (Hubs ran too) – we had the kids with us and didn’t really want to leave them alone for too long. They are old enough (12 and 9) but we just didn’t feel great about dumping them in the rain with an umbrella and EUR 10 for an hour had we done the 10K). For this race I decided to just go for it, enjoy and experience it all. Which meant I ran without my music. Six months ago I couldn’t have imagined running without my music, I always thought I would be bored or just wouldn’t be able to do it, but I’ve proved myself wrong a few times now. Anyway, it was really nice to do this race, in the city I live in instead of schlepping all the way to Amsterdam. Where I live we do have several bridges and quite a lot of hills (for the Netherlands, where the west of the country is either at or below sea level), so I knew it would be somewhat challenging as we normally just run on pretty flat elevation (at the park across the street or through some long stretches of farmland). I ran this race with a smile on my face – all of the people running gave me so much energy, and even the rain made me feel so good. I ran this race with my official time being under 30 minutes (29:58 to be exact!!), which is really a first for me. I ran this race also giving my kids an example that they, we can do anything we want to do, anything we set our minds to (my stepson seemed interested in the 1K kids run after seeing several groups running). They know I have had a weight problem, they know that we smoked cigarettes and now they have seen both of us change our lives and better our health. That makes me feel really good.

But the 16K… I’ve been working on this one for quite some time. I have only done 16K two times previously whilst training and there was quite a bit of walking involved so I was quite nervous about it. I was also nervous about the fact that there were over 35,000 participants, that this race was one of the biggest races in the Netherlands (as far as number of participants goes). I was nervous it was going to be hard – several of my colleagues had mentioned that in the past, when it was really hot, it had been really difficult. I remember a few years ago, one of my colleagues actually puked after the race. So yeah, I was feeling kind of uneasy. I also wanted to do the race under two hours and I wasn’t sure I would manage. The day of the race though, I just decided I was going to do it and do my best. I wanted to run the whole way, no walking and that I managed with the exception of 1) a potty break just before 5K (though I went three times prior, I was not going to make the whole 16) 2) I walked for about 10 seconds to drink water at one of the drink stations and 3) I walked for about 45 seconds when I had a bit of a stitch, right before the 10K mark. I was kind of hoping I could do it in 1:45, but 1:50 was probably more realistic. In the end my official time was 1:53:01. Lots of things to be proud of there; the fact that I did it and the fact that I came in before three other more seemingly fit colleagues are the two things that are in the forefront of my mind.

I have to say I really loved this race! There were so many people out, fanfare, singers, people cheering – the energy was just fantastic! I also loved the villages that we went through, really “typical” Dutch – small streets, dikes, tiny houses. Normally what is conjured up in people’s minds about what the Netherlands looks like (tulips, windmills, etc), that’s what it was. I had my headphones off much of the race, just to take in all the cheering and music. I would definitely do the Dam tot Damloop again!

Here you can see video and photos – just type in my number 22185 and click on “zoeken” – “video” is, well, video and “foto” is photo.

I noticed in the videos that I am waddling. I think it’s time to work on technique. If you don’t recognize me, I’m wearing a pink Chicago Cubs Spring Training ball cap, like this:

My running friend and colleague and the one who motivates me a lot of the time tried to convince me to at least do the 8K in Amsterdam (while he does the Marathon) in October, but I’m done now until November. I have too much going on and I want to be really ready for the next two races: the 9.6KM Berg to Berg on 5th of November (a night race!) and the 15K Seven Hills in Nijmegen on the 21st of November. My training will now be focused on elevation and endurance. And not waddling :)

That’s the latest and greatest – life is good! I am alive!!