Week In Review:: 13 Nov – 20 Nov

Reflections this week

Right. Let’s just get it out there. I have an important announcement to make.

I am no longer on a mission to lose weight.

Nope. I’m fine the way I am.

I’m not going to write about how much I gained or lost or maintained yet again because let’s face it, it makes me totally unhappy and what is the point of doing something continually when it just makes you mental and totally unhappy?

So, I’m done.

What does that mean, exactly, you are asking yourself? She is QUITTING?

No. There is nothing to quit. I just am no longer focusing on the scale numbers. I’m going to continue what I’m doing now because it works as far as 1) not eating too many calories goes and 2) what and when I’m eating is keeping me from being ravenous. From now on I’m all about healthy food, living life and staying fit. I’m also going to continue running and working out at the gym. I’m going to stay active. So you see? I’m not quitting anything. Weight loss simply is not the goal anymore.

I’ve had several comments that I’ve taken to heart in the past week and my husband has also mentioned several times that it’s time to start living and I am fully on board now. You all are right. It’s time to let go.

So that’s out of the way. Moving right along…

This week was good, bad and then good again. I planned, I cooked, I prepared, but I had a few off days where I felt like complete crap. As I mentioned here I basically took a quick downward spiral and felt myself saying SCREW THIS yet again because of the damn number on the scale. After a couple of days, I picked myself up again and I’ve ended on a high note with a brilliant run today.

As far as fitness goes:

Thursday I ran – 6.35 KM / 10 min walking then 10 min running + 2 walking x 3
Saturday to the gym, first biking, then gym, then a long loop back for a total of almost 12KM
Today an awesome run of 8KM/ 1KM walking, 6.5KM running, 500m walking (then unofficially walking a bit more home)

The run today in particular gave me such an amazing feeling! Running pain free is SO AMAZING!! And for some reason I feel like I’m running differently now. It’s hard to explain but I’m more upright, more confident, more fluid, if that makes any sense? It feels more natural for some reason. Maybe simply because I have been struggling for so long WITH PAIN that I was too rigid in how I was holding myself. I don’t know … whatever it is, I feel great and I’m really looking forward to Egmond aan Zee Quarter Marathon on 8 January!!

I want to sign up to do about a million races at this point, but I know I need to not get ahead of myself. I just know now more than ever, I’m a runner, this is what I do and THIS is what makes me happy!

Planning Works

But can be boring. I’ve got to really think hard and come up with some ideas for next week. I did what I set out to do (for the work week) as far as food goes. But by lunch time today I really thought “roasted veggies, again. whoop-dee-do”. Sure it’s not important to be excited about food all the time because food is sustenance and what you need to fuel and take care of your body. But damn I was EXCITED on Monday! Today, meh, not so much.

Breakfasts:
Oatmeal (Steel Cut Oats, Peanut Butter (lite), 1/2 a banana, cinnamon, 1 day I had 10g of Neal’s Yard Omega Seed Mix)

I already started with oatmeal a couple weeks ago. I think I like the Seven Grain Hot Cereal more, or maybe I just like that it takes less time to make it in the morning:

eggs with vegetables (bulky, filling)
Monday and Wednesday I had eggs with spinach and mini-mushrooms (2 eggs, 2 egg whites, 150g spinach and 100g mushrooms + Pam cooking spray)

Thursday I had the 2+2 with Kamut and black beans (OMG how delicious was that????)

Today I had it with asparagus, courgette (zucchini) and the rest of the mushrooms:

I have no problem eating just about anything in the morning. Seriously. But today it was a little bit difficult. Maybe it was just too much (I ate ALL in that photo). It was like 325grams of veg. But let me tell you I had no hunger issues WHAT SO EVER.

Lunch Monday, Weds and Friday was the roasted vegetables I mentioned last Sunday, plus the Kamut (100g each meal) that I cooked up and the 100 g chicken breasts I buy from the freezer section already cooked (so all I have to do is thaw and then “cook” in the morning with my own seasonings). In principle a great meal, maybe just not 3 times in a week. I meant to take a photo after I’d warmed it up at work but kept forgetting so you get a photo of it in it’s box ready to go to work with me.

Thursday I worked from home and whipped up this beauty from my freezer: shrimp, frozen veg (what a shock, cauliflower, broccoli and carrots…) and some noodles I had in the cupboard. A little bit of olive oil, some salt, pepper and Moroccan spices and voila

Dinner this week was not all that exciting. Twice I had soup and a sandwich. Once I had a Salad from the supermarket (to go – had it in the train). Once I had the pasta salad I tried last week and really liked (chicken, pesto, sundried tomatoes and peas):

I did that so that the hubs and I could run when I arrived home. The night I had the salad I had been out with a friend and again had my dinner in the train. A lot of train meals this week.

So. Hmmmm. What am I going to eat next week!!

Damage. Control.

One of the things I decided on Sunday was that I was going to stay in control this week. I think something that I’ve lost control of a long time ago is my belief in myself. It sounds strange maybe, but when you “do everything” possible to see the scale move downwards and it doesn’t happen for two years on you come to realize that maybe, just maybe… you aren’t doing “everything”…

Let me explain.

I really think that day after day, month after month, it’s so easy to just become so complacent about the situation. I mean I’m not losing anyway, so why not have a piece of chocolate cake at work? Or hey there’s extra dinner left, I’ll just have a second helping. It can’t be *that* much right… Hmmmm, that looks like 50g of cheese I just dumped on top of my pasta, even though it slightly resembles Chamonix… it can’t possibly be over my daily intake goal.

I’ve tried so hard to accept. Acceptance is so important, right?

But actually trying is important too.

I mean like really trying. Like being honest. Like really NOT dipping into the candy jar at work. Like really, really, really being in control.
I’m not saying that I haven’t been honest. I’ve been logging and tracking and being perfectly honest about what I’m eating. I’m not lying to you or anyone else including myself. BUT. I’m NOT being honest if I say I’m doing “everything” I can to lose weight when clearly that’s not true. Eating junk or saying f*ck it once I’ve dipped into said candy jar is not doing “everything” I can to lose weight. Drinking too much alcohol is NOT doing “everything” I can to lose weight.

So time to stop the damage. Time to be in control.

This week I just want to be in control. Every day I want to do what it takes to stay in control. I’ve got this negative self-talk in my head that says “see? You’re never really going to do this, are you?” I need to put an end to that voice. Can you imagine if I had a friend who spoke to me like this, for real? Would I really hang out with her for long? No! That’s not a good friend! It’s time to be my own best friend! To treat myself the way I treat others!

So tonight after work I was meeting up with a friend of a friend who is in the Netherlands for a few weeks – I knew we only had a few hours together so we were most likely just going for a drink – I literally saved my “spare” calories from yesterday to take care of today. I know before I went out I had a little over 600 cals left for dinner, I bought a salad to eat on the way home which was 520 cals and I had two beers worth around 320 cals total which puts me over for the day, but still fine for the week.

I just want to say, on my way back from the bar walking to the station I saw and had about 30 milliseconds of thought to: McDonald’s, 3 pizza places, fries, a falafel bar, KFC (and ugh, no, never! Remind me to tell you the salmonella story one day) and several different dutch snack bars… this is what I mean… just because I have two beers DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO JUST UNDO ALL OF MY HARD WORK! I focused. I walked to the station. I picked up my salad. I got on the train.

So I stopped the damage. And I stayed in control.

And I’m going to do it all over again tomorrow.

Week In Review:: 30 Oct – 6 Nov

Sometimes I say I can’t even remember what I did yesterday, so I thought I would try to recap my weeks on Sundays, to celebrate the good stuff and perhaps learn a thing or two from the not-so-good stuff.

Last week Sunday I didn’t do much. We had the kids last weekend and pretty much did a whole lot of stuff on Saturday (including me going to the gym AND buying a new couch). I have this little ritual lately (since last spring) where I sit down and take the time out to do my nails and just have a little me-only time. Kids were busy with homework, nails (the girl does her’s too) and lego and the Hubs was busy with his computer-creative stuff. Sundays are our Pasta days – Hubs makes his own sauce and basically we always know we’re in for a delicious treat for dinner on Sunday evenings! Before bed, I did a bit of prep for meals coming up for the week.

On Monday, I was all ready for a good week food-wise but mentally not totally ready for the stress of the week. A colleague made me blueberry muffins for helping her out with something – literally gave me a plate of 12 muffins!! This is something I struggle with – when people give food gifts how to say no? I mean she went out of her way because I helped her when no one else was able to and she was thanking me; isn’t it rude to refuse? I gave all of them away but two, and promptly ate those. I left work early, because I knew the next day would be the long day, got home and had leftovers for dinner – lasagne and chile con carne. I did not log those two items at My Fitness Pal. It wasn’t much, we just split what was left (it could have been one person has the chile, one the lasagne, but we both wanted to share). Here’s a lesson: figure out how to count these types of dinners, i.e., get the recipes in MFP! Once we were all digested, we went out “running” – half walking, half jogging:

All in all I may have come close to breaking even for the day, but I don’t really know, because I didn’t calculate calories for dinner.

Tuesday I planned my food and logged it, but it looked too much like I was going to be over for the day if I didn’t come up with a solution for dinner quickly – I offered to make fish, rice and veggies instead of hubs cooking and if I hadn’t gone to the candy jar again I’d have been under my calorie goal, but as it was I was *only* 86 over for the day (thanks to very careful weighing and measuring out dinner!).

On Wednesday, again planned the day for food and watched my intake but I had an appointment in town with some friends and I knew I was going to eat dinner out. I counted 700 calories for my dinner, though I just really don’t know (We had greek). Instead of having only wine (I don’t usually drink during the week, but on this occasion I did), I opted for two waters with lemon and then two wines in total. According to MFP I was over 287 calories (this is why I do not lose weight!!).

On Thursday the plan was to go to the gym, so I packed my bag the night before and got up early as usual to get my food ready. I was planning on buying a salad at the supermarket to eat in the train on the way home, but they didn’t have what I wanted. I ended up with a pasta salad that was only 500 calories and actually quite delicious! This, plus my yoghurt and fruit was enough for dinner. I got home, got my stuff and cycled to the gym. I worked out for about an hour, came home, did burpees and passed out in bed.

Friday went a little bit wrong. I prepped my food for breakfast and snacks and planned on something “light” at work. I thought what I chose would be fine, would be reasonable, but it wasn’t. This is why I don’t eat a lot of bread – I had two pistolets, 1 tomato, 65g of egg salad and 65g of sellery salad. This cost me over 600 calories! Usually my lunch is around 400. I had a salad with me as well, that I ate as a snack but by the time dinner rolled around I had only 200 calories left. I had plans to go out for drinks and dinner with a friend and my husband and we had Tapas and Wine… we we all know where that put me at the end of the day… Lesson learned: prep every day and don’t just assume two little sandwiches are going to be a light meal!!

Saturday I was a little bit hung over. Well at least I felt tired, and was craving savoury food and normally I don’t have real cravings for anything. I had a hearty breakfast and cycled to town to do some necessary shopping and to get my hair done. Ended up having quite a savoury lunch as well. Hubs made a curry for dinner (but a very low-fat, healthy curry) and we had a few glasses of wine (I swear, I’m not an alcoholic). We did do our grocery shopping together and I made sure to get plenty of things needed for lunches and snacks the upcoming week.

Today I’ve done a bit of hanging around, catching up on the web, cleaning, folding… the normal Sunday stuff I guess! I did go out for a “run”

Hubs has made our pasta for tonight which was delicious… I love pasta after running! Now to calculate my calories on MFP…

I’ve prepped quite a lot for next week, planning most days up until dinner. I’m out with a friend of a friend on Wednesday (a girl who is a friend of a guy I went to High School with is in Amsterdam), but I can control that situation well because we’ll only be together until about 8pm (I can eat the pasta I had in the week from the Supermarket). On Thursday I go back to the physio, so I’m working from home that day and will go to the gym after my appointment. One other day this week I’d like to try to go for a “run” again – probably Tuesday, and I want to cycle at least once if it’s not raining. Staying active and staying in control really helps my mind-set; even if the scale doesn’t move, I can do what it takes to make me feel good, right?

How was your week? Did you learn anything from it, even a small lesson?

Positive Post: 1st Monday of the Year Edition

Usually Mondays are fairly tough to get cranked up. A typical Sunday night is to struggle with sleep and/or wake up every few hours and then when it is actually time to get up, there is more struggling taking place. Last night was no exception but I had already had it in my mind that no matter what, I was going to not be cranky in the morning.

Sunday I spent a lot of time in the kitchen. Usually the rush to get my lunch and snacks ready for the next day happens too late, as in somewhere around 9.30 – 10pm when I should be winding down and getting ready for bed. Instead, I spent the afternoon making carrot soup, roasted veggies and quinoa for the week. That means no prepping at all this morning, just making breakfast (steel cut oats courtesy of @foodiemcbody, @eddiemonsoon and @rissamama3) and packing my lunch in my backpack. I will continue to prep in the evening this week so that there is no rushing going on in the morning (this is a source of stress that I would like to eliminate).

I have set up my training schedule on Nike+ for the Half Marathon which means I need to keep the appointments to run so that I will be successful at the end of April in Utrecht. Another thing that I will be doing is going to the gym twice a week. Tuesday evening the Hubs and I will (hopefully) go together (or I’ll go on my own). All of the feedback I have received over several months is that I need a variance in training, ie not just running. I need to strength train as well. I would like to get myelf to the point where I go to the gym on the weekend at least once as well, but let’s not set too many high expectations for myself just yet.

With the stress at work I just need to remember to breathe. Deep, cleansing breaths. I have a new guy starting today but of course it’s quite possibly the worst day to have someone start, but I will get through it with my team. I just need to breathe.

I’ve got the control back this week. No more letting the stress of life, work, lack of sleep get me down. Keeping my appointments with myself will in turn do a lot for my self-esteem and give me a sense of accomplishment. I’m ready!!

What positive things are you doing for yourself this week to set yourself up for success?

Challenge. Strategy. Result.

I know it’s been a little while since I posted and I there are a few reasons for that. If you have been following along the last wee bit you know that there’s been a lot of stress at work again, mainly due to lack of personnel to do the work, which equals me filling in where needed, which equals quite some extra work, effort and energy given.

The weather’s been awful and I haven’t been able to go outside and run like I really want to and just as it’s cleared up I had to go to the UK for work so no running outside in my little neighbourhood.

I also got some news quite recently that my dad has prostate cancer. I’ve gotten a lot of feedback and have also had some email exchanges with him and my stepmom about the situation (we have an 8 hour time difference so still haven’t talked on the phone) and from what I understand there is a really good chance that he’s going to be just fine after treatment since it’s been discovered in an early stage. Regardless, last week Hubs and I made the decision that we will go to New Mexico early in March (dad has treatment in January), which we can’t really afford, but will clearly scale down in other areas in 2011 so as not to go bankrupt from the trip. It’s important. More important than any frivolous weekend away I could do next year. I need to see my dad. I hate being so far away from him right now, EVEN IF he’s going to be ok.

I mentioned I had to go to the UK for work, London to be precise and that’s really mostly what this blog post (title) is about. Since I’m basically in the maintenance stage of my weight loss (or should I call it a body hiatus?) and England is pretty “difficult” in terms of just how much yummy, delicious, fatty, gorgeous food is out there (from fast food to pastries to cafes and restaurants) and let’s not forget my mind’s desire to have a glass of wine or a pint of beer in a cozy looking pub as often as possible, I knew I needed a real strategy to get me through the few days I would be on my own for all meals and free time out for the most part.

Arriving on Sunday midday was probably the best thing I could have done. I packed indoor and outdoor sports clothes and shoes, as I knew there was a gym at the hotel, one near the office and also the possibility of running outside. Hubs made a joke that I was taking the “big suitcase” for only 4 days but I explained to him that I needed the indoor and outdoor shoes and clothes to work out. He even then had the audacity to challenge me “You’re not going to work out”. Hmmmmph. Normally he is the vote of confidence. I would show him.

I arrived at my hotel, dropped off my stuff, in fact, I even unpacked, put my things away, hung up my clothes (I never do that, I’m just really lazy in some areas) and then I went walking up the street to where I knew the shops were to hit up the grocery store. Breakfast at the hotel was £10 each day and while probably tasty and paid for by my company I thought to myself “what’s the real cost here?” and decided I could treat myself better than that. I found Sainsbury’s quite quickly, went in and proceeded to be overwhelmed first of all by all the good looking fruit and veg that was available. I wanted to make sure I had something to eat for breakfast and snacks throughout the day in case I got hungry. I must have been in there for an hour! (Side note here is, I love “foreign” supermarkets and could spend literally hours in them looking at everything, reading labels and making new discoveries). I picked up some fruit that I knew would last in my hotel room – mandarins, bananas, pears, a package of blueberries, blackberries and strawberries – some dried cranberries with macadamia nuts, yoghurt, a “trio” of small portion hummus pots, a dip made of sweet potato and harissa (totally going to make this at home), cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks and I picked up some Weight Watchers “wheat and oat” crackers (which turned out to be absolute crap). From there I walked further, checking out restaurants and shops and I wasn’t really lured in anywhere so I eventually decided to head back. When I returned I discovered I didn’t have a mini bar to keep my stuff cool, so thought it would be ok that night and the next day I’d just take the stuff to work and stick it in the refrigerator there.

I went downstairs at that point to the restaurant as I was hungry but they weren’t open yet so I went into the bar instead. I ordered a chicken ceasar salad and a “side” (the portions are too big – I’d say they are becoming “Americanised” with their portions) of hummus and toasted pita bread. As tempting as it was to order a nice cold frothy pint of beer, I stuck with a Diet Coke. I had plans for later and that was to hit up the gym.

That’s exactly what I did. After dinner (which I was unable and in fact unwilling to finish as tasty as it was) I waited a while, got changed and went to the hotel gym. I’ll be honest – I struggle to run on a treadmill because I don’t like the “going nowhere” feeling. The “treadmill” in the “gym” was like half a normal treadmill. The gym wasn’t really much of a gym either. It was better than nothing though, right? So I’m running on the treadmill and already feel my 42 year old bladder saying “Uh. Excuse me? I think I need to go.” So after 5 minutes I had to stop, leave the gym, and go all the way back up to my room because I couldn’t find the WC facilities on the first floor. I quickly did my thing and came back and the machine was even still on pause so I jumped on and started up again.

And so it went. I ate MY food for breakfast – banana, yoghurt, fruit – I took fruit and nuts and some veggies to work and I stuck with this strategy to get me through. For lunch I was on my own though. Monday I had a grilled veggie Panini and salad. Tuesday I had gone to the gym again in the morning before work and was ravenous by the time 12.00 rolled around so I had an omelet, some salad and some chips (fries), which – maybe not a big deal to some – I did not completely finish. Wednesday there just happened to be a pot luck at work and so I had a bit of what was on offer (Jamaican Jerk chicken, chili con carne, samosas, a scotch egg, a few crisps and in fact I had a few sweets as well).

The point of all of this – There were things that I could control and I did just that. I could have had a fry up every morning, and gone down to the store when I was feeling peckish to get a Toffee Nut Latte and a Lemon Poppyseed Muffin, or some biscuits or some other pastries (like I did the last time I was there in June) but I did not. I took care of my breakfast and snacks and I chose what I felt was appropriate at the time for lunch and dinner. I went to the hotel gym twice. I drank very moderately (also compared to the last tme) – one night I had one glass of wine that lasted me for nearly two hours and then went to bed early, one night I had two glasses of wine at dinner but spread out over a few hours and Wednesday, out with friends I had exactly ONE margarita (a first for me).

The challenge was to take care of myself. The strategy was to buy food items that I knew would set me up for success and make good choices out. The result is feeling pretty chuffed with myself. On the Scale? Who knows. And frankly who cares?! Thinking about situations and planning ahead is very empowering and I feel really good about how it turned out.

The trip was really good for me. It was good for my self-confidence, my self-worth, my belief in myself. And I mean that work and health-wise. The bonus part of it all was meeting Scott, Donna and Amy Wednesday night for dinner – unfortunately Scott is going back to Canada soon, but I hope to see Donna and Amy again in the near future. In fact, Donna’s coming to the Netherlands to do a 10.5K on January 9th, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be joining her.

I know I have been changing around my blog a bit and I think I’ll be sticking with this layout now. I just need to get the rest of the blog together, so, again, bear with me and thanks for your patience.

Results since Re-Commitment

I decided last Monday to recommit (Well I decided Sunday really) and start using my Weight Watchers ProPoints program again. I committed to logging in everything regardless of the numbers and the games they play with me. I’m not an angel, but as I mentioned before, I actually enjoy and do my best every day to eat healthily and mindfully. You may notice that there is not a lot of junk (until Friday *ahem*) either. You may also notice that I get all my fruit, vegetables, dairy (a little) and good fats in, every day (until Friday *ahem*). These are the pillars in which Weight Watchers calls the Fit Formulas – hydration, calcium, fruit and vegetables, and good fats.
*I realise that not everyone likes to read food journals and on top of that mine are in Dutch, but if you have the gumption to look, I’m also going to create a little list of the food translations.


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I have to say I was already kind of annoyed Monday at the end of the day when my daily total was over my target of 29. I know that the weekly free points are there for that reason, but you have no idea how diligent I was, weighing and measuring everything, making sure I was using small amounts for flavor and not overdoing at dinner (and believe me, I WANTED to eat more of my dinner that I had made, but I did NOT). It’s really a mind game and I wish it would just stop, but… apparently Sadist-Brain is not ready to give that up yet.
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Tuesday was better at 29 points, though admittedly I was hungry when I went to bed and very hungry when I woke up Wednesday (Tuesday I did go to the gym, where I had a creepy/flattering gym-guy experience, my first ever!). Wednesday I was over 5 points, but I earned 4 with just doing my Cooper Test at lunch. Thursday I was over again at 34.5 points, but even then I am not sure if it’s correct as I kind of guessed my dinner (it was leftover homemade Indian chicken with spicy lentil sauce).
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And Friday. Well. It was a total wash. I woke up hungry and I had no plan or preparation. So I Planned to Fail.. Friday’s total is at 73.5 points.. Why? I woke up hungry, I didn’t eat enough breakfast so I got something at work… it was the day after Sint Maarten and someone had brought in candy (it’s like Halloween), so I helped myself to a Mini-Nuts. It was downhill from there really. Lunch was with my team and food was provided. Then I had the commute on the way home which was completely disrupted by an accident (so there was the stress of figuring out how I was going to get home). Oh don’t these excuses sound divine! And hey! There are two croissants in my bag! I’ll shove them down my throat! So once I was at home, hubs and the kids arrived, he was ready to cook the lean ground beef hamburgers that were on the plan and … they were still frozen. Can you imagine that someone, at some point said “Screw this, we’re getting pizza!” and then other had already logged on to the local pizza place’s website? None of which were me of course … *looks around nervously because she is a terrible liar*
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After all that I did see a change on the scale again (what’s new, updownupdownupdown) – Monday Morning was at 81.5KG, Saturday morning (even after pizza) was at 80.8KG which is a loss of 800gr or 1 3/4 pound. If you can’t get your head around metrics, it’s 178 lbs give or take.
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I did run last week and I did go to the gym once. I really wanted to go this weekend, and I thought I could go this morning early, but I had to stay home with my stepdaughter – my stepson had a swimming test that Hubs brought him to and since SD was still sleeping I couldn’t just leave her and have her wake up with no one in the house. (Wait. Does that sound like an excuse too?). I thought they would be back at 9 and they were back at 10. That means I stayed in bed until 10… the gym closes at 12 and I wasn’t exactly ready to go when I got out at 10…
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So here’s the deal for this new week (Weeks are Sat – Fri on the program)
1) Run – 15K is next Sunday. I’m crapping myself. Totally unprepared.
2) Gym – Twice
3) Yoga DVD (didn’t manage this on Thursday – was at work until 7pm)
4) Track everything
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Getting Le Crap Together

Looks like I’ve finally reached the point where I’m sick enough of myself and my excuses to do something.

So, I have a plan for next week. Today is already pretty much over (not a license to eat like a person who doesn’t care about her body), we start over again tomorrow.

I have planned out our dinners. And I will plan my running and gym for next week too. Unless I am lying in the hospital on my last breath, I will be doing both this week.

If you hate food / food planning posts you can stop here and just go directly to the comments and tell me how cool I am.

Dinners Planned:
Sunday – Spaghetti with home made sauce and meatballs *we always make the sauce ourselves and the meatballs are from extra lean beef. We have a tradition of pasta on Sundays, generally when we have the kids (which is this weekend). The sauce is made up of only tomatoes, 1 TBSP of olive oil and fresh italian herbs. This is a fairly healthy dish. It’s the QUANTITY that I can shove down my gullet that gets to me every time.

Monday – couscous, turkey medallions and vegetables * this is one of my healthier go-to dishes when I need to cook. Nothing is really “bad” in this dish. For the vegetables I use red, green and yellow paprika peppers, mushrooms and red onion. This will be sautéed in 1 TBSP coconut oil. Turkey to be marinated a wee bit in some sweet-soy sauce, some chili paste, salt, pepper, garlic.

Tuesday – White fish with rice and haricots verts * usually I use tilapia or pangasius (catfish I think in English). this is covered with 1 TBSP olive oil, lemon, salt, pepper, garlic and fresh basil. All that cooked in the pan for a couple of minutes, then a tin of tomato chunks, lemon juice and a wee bit of water is poured over the fish left to simmer for a few minutes. The beans are steamed in the rice cooker with the rice.

Wednesday – chicken stir fry with rice * pretty self explanatory. We buy a bag of stir fry veg to cook this quickly. There is some sweet-soy involved, and some chili paste.

Thursday – I’m not in control of Thursday as hubs is cooking for his study partner. It will be an Indian curry. Always made to adapt to our healthy eating epicness.

Friday – I’m out with friends, hubs is on his own. We’re going to a Burger Bar and then for drinks. For me it will not be an out of control evening because of the fact that I will be in Amsterdam and still have to travel back to Arnhem in the evening. Since our train station is a complete disaster I may even need to leave the city earlier than I normally do just to make it home with alternative transport.

I WILL RUN on these days:
Tuesday
Thursday
*quite possibly Friday with some colleagues at work during the day

I WILL go to the gym on these days:
Monday
Wednesday

I have an appt with my Dietitian on Wednesday and will prepare dinner AFTER I go to the gym. I will go to the gym DIRECTLY after the appointment. Luckily I am working from home that day so there is NO EXCUSE to not go.

I don’t generally need help with my daily food planning because I tend to rotate the same things. I make sure I get my veggies in by either already including them at breakfast, having a huge salad at lunch, or snacking on them throughout the day. Fruits are also a non issue – those are also always included throughout the day. I made a shopping list that hubs so wonderfully and willingly took with him to the supermarket. I made a huge pot of Spicy Carrot and other Vegetables soup (I had some veggies that were approaching the end of their life cycle so I threw them in) and will have that during the week in the afternoon (or at lunch) instead of cup-a-soup. I am also making some Kamut and that will be added to the soup for a source of protein and bulking up.

I am making some hummus also tomorrow and will have that for my sandwich portion of the lunch this week, along with avocado and sun-dried (not in oil) or even regular tomatoes.

Basically, I’m putting it out there and I’m doing it. No more excuses. Time to get my crap together and my ass in gear.

A Break

Phew. With the last months of running, goals, dietitians, working, not-sleeping enough, counting, traveling, and the last two weekends with each having a race on Sunday, I really needed a break.

I didn’t actually realize I needed a break of course. Typical me likes to just keep going, even though I don’t really like it… it’s what I do, I just keep going.

Sunday was my 16K and frankly all of the training and all of the mental preparation, plus work was really enough for me. This week I’ve done a whole lot of nothing.

Well, that’s not true. I have done things that needed to be done. I’ve done things I just wanted to do. I fulfilled step-parenting duties. I deliciously laid on the couch Tuesday night and watched Glee. I saw friends I hadn’t seen for at least five weeks. I went to bed early. That brings me to today.

I should also mention that it’s ridiculously busy and stressful at work this week. I work in accounting and this is our year-end. Madness is ensuing. A new business unit will be coming onboard at the beginning of October. It’s review time. Normally I have a lot going at once but right now it is madness. I had an argument with the candy jar this week and it won – but it wasn’t a messy, bloody disastrous fight. I recognize these things when they are happening; sometimes I mindlessly find the chocolates in my throat working their way to my stomach, sometimes I overcome.

I have really been so exhausted this week. I have made the decision to sleep until 5:30 every morning this week except for Monday, because I would rather sleep than prepare certain basis food items to take with me to work. In the past I’ve done things and mentally checked out, eating whatever simply because I hadn’t planned. This week was a little different. I did have some items at work and I can buy healthy items (as well as very unhealthy) and I pretty much did that. No counting, no weighing or measuring. I am just keeping and eye on things, being aware of my choices.

Yesterday I had that urge again. My nemesis, the candy jar was calling my name.

(EMPTY on a Friday)

I took a breath. I went downstairs and instead I bought non-fat yoghurt and a small packet of muesli. I was in fact hungry, chocolates would have been easy – 15 steps to the jar – I chose to work through it instead and go and get something that would make me feel better in the end for choosing it.

So, I’m on a break. But I’m really not. I can’t wait for the day when I don’t have the mental vigorous discussions about what to do, “what to don’t” (as my husband says). I don’t know if that day will ever come. Does it come to others? Do we ever stop thinking about what the right thing to do is? What the right decision is?

I believe Saturday we are due to start running again. I also plan on making a good shopping list and a meal plan for next week. I want to get back in my normal routine again. Being in my routine will most likely help me deal with the stress at work better. Yes I’m a bit of a control- freak, but I think I should use that to my advantage in this situation.

And for those number nerds out there – I’ve been pretty much winging it this week food wise yet I weighed 80.5KG when I got on the scale this week, which to me is pretty much a “maintain”. As per usual. So when I try I gain or stay the same. When I don’t try I gain or stay the same. At least I am consistent!!

What do you do when you just need a break? Are you not totally on a break or do you just throw caution to the wind and deal with the consequences later?

It’s August. I’ve got Plans.

In the recent past I’ve attempted making weekly goals, which sometimes work out and sometimes don’t. A lot of bloggers make monthly goals, which include health and fitness AND just regular life related goals. I like this concept a lot. I am not only my weight loss and fitness efforts. I have a life outside of that too and it’s important to have the balance instead of only focusing on my body.

These are the goals I have for August. I have been meaning to do my measurements and take Size 42 Jeans photos for ages (since I started Project 42), so that’s definitely in the cards this month. Since I’m participating in the 30 Day No-Scale Challenge, I’m focusing on other things to measure my success.

1) Food journal every single day. Whether online, on paper, on post-it notes, whatever. Every day journaling. Everything consumed.
2) Gym twice a week.
3) Running: 85 KM this month.
4) Add some really good things to my victory log
5) Read another book
6) Take my measurements (but don’t get on the scale!)
7) Make at least one new recipe I’ve been meaning to try for the last bazillion years.
8 ) Write to my grandmother
9) Make appointment for my new tattoo
10) Visit both of my girlfriends who just had a baby.

My birthday is in September and I’m not going to pretend that the number on the scale doesn’t matter at all. I have another 11 KG to lose to be at the top of my healthy weight range (around 23 lbs). At the very least it would be nice to not only have a change in my measurements but also to be one or two kilos closer to my goal by then. I do feel, however, that if I shift my thinking and my goals for the month to be NON-SCALE goals, I may get there sooner than if I was only focusing on the scale. I don’t know though. Let’s see what happens.

I really want to food journal because I think it’s SO important to be really in tune with what I’m putting into my body. It’s way too easy to forget things along the way or to just not journal at all because I’ve dipped into the candy jar or had too many glasses of wine. I want to be fully accountable this month. I think I will also see where I can perhaps make improvements along the way. See what works and what doesn’t. Since I’ve been to the dietician, I have altered the way I eat a bit and, while it’s not exactly on his recommendation, I feel like it is OK to eat the way he suggested instead of being stubborn about it.

Since I have a new 6-week program at the gym, I would really like to see how it works for me over the coming period. I specifically asked for a program that would help in my running but also strengthen and tone up my arms, stomach, back, bum and legs. I also recently committed to the gym for the next year and I want to really get my money’s worth this time!

In September I’m signed up for a 16K so it’s high time I get my running shoes on and really start hitting the pavement. I’m not going for the best time, nor do I have to run the whole thing. I just have to finish. If it’s possible to run the whole 16K that would really be ideal, but again, I’m going to do it because I want to and I’m going to listen to my body as I’m doing it!

I will definitely update as I go along. I’m feeling strong in mind and body and I feel like it’s going to be a really good month!!