The Hunger

What is it about hunger that makes us feel so uncomfortable?

What is it about hunger that makes ME feel so uncomfortable??

I can not ever remember a time in my life where I worried about whether I would have a meal or not.  I mean I know, when I was a kid we were poor and we didn’t always have huge amounts of food to eat. We also ate things like cereal for dinner, and cheap meals like macaroni and cheese, pork chops and apple sauce and tinned vegetables.  But it’s not like we missed meals all together.

I feel like I complain about hunger a lot.  I don’t like to be hungry.  I don’t like to be late for my lunch.  I don’t even like not having something to eat every couple of hours, though lately I have been skipping a morning snack all together in the hopes that my stomach/head will adjust to the difference and deal with it accordingly.

I don’t really feel like I’ve adjusted at all though.  I have the feeling now that I’m just suffering through until lunch.  That if other people can make it without eating surely I can.  I’m not going to die, after all, just because I’m “empty”.

I’ve also been trying to eat “like a Dutch person”.  The Sandwich Phenomenon.  I wrote about it on my other blog.  These are not like “American” sandwiches, with the works, these are literally 2 slices of bread, a very thin layer of margarine (that I’m not doing) and a slice of cheese or lunch meat and that’s it.  So let’s say a Dutch person would have two “sandwiches” (an American “half”) for breakfast and four for lunch with various different toppings. I’m not knocking this entirely, I swear, even though it may seem like a broken record to some.  My husband eats like this.  Every day without fail.  Toppings may include peanut butter as well, or Nutella, or butter/margarine with chocolate sprinkles.

 So, I have been eating an American sandwich for breakfast and two for lunch.  And this costs me a LOT of points.  A LOT.  Bread itself is 3 points per 50g.  NO slice of bread out there (that is worth eating, to me) weighs only 25g.  I would say the average that 2 slices of bread weighs is around 65 – 70gr.  This is costing me 4.5 – 5 points. 

Keep in mind I could eat an entire tub of yoghurt for 5 points.  A pound of yoghurt.

I could eat 2 eggs for 5 points.

I could eat 250 g of chicken for 5 points.

So this is just bread we are talking about.  Then I add something to the bread.  This is leaving me VERY little points for dinner.

 So my question is (and it’s purely rhetorical, I am sure) how on EARTH do people eat ONLY sandwiches during the day (and I’m not having peanut butter or Nutella by the way) and have a normal meal in the evening AND STAY SO FREAKING thin/normal weight???

 I am absolutely STARVING.

Yes I know I shouldn’t say that.  I’m not starving of course.  But I’m uncomfortably hungry.  Really, really hungry.  No it’s not thirst.  It’s not emotions.  It’s not stress.  It’s pure, unadulterated hunger

I really have no idea how I am supposed to keep my body fueled so that it doesn’t feel like this, but I’ve really got to find a solution soon.

I’ve just calculated all my points for today pre-dinner.  28 is the total.  I get 29 per day.  So, if I’m THIS HUNGRY when I feel I’ve had so little to eat, could something be wrong?

How do YOU deal with the Hunger?

An Update and an Update

On Monday I totally had a post ready to write.  I was going to tell you all about my Plan for the week.  That plan included hanging in there, eating right and exercise. I’ve been hanging in there AND exercising, but I’m not super sure on the eating right thing.  It’s Thursday now, so clearly I haven’t had time to post that amazingly witty and insightful journal entry I had ready for you.

So the eating right thing – like, chocolate.  Really, who came up with this shit!?  Why am I able to resist it *most* days and then other days I’m shoving it in my face.  Maybe, just maybe, the shoving of chocolate has something to do with the brain still being in “screw it” mode and the fact that I simply have NOT been tracking.  I need to rectify that – STAT.

It hasn’t been all bad, but it hasn’t been all good.  I am not sure but I think part of the reason I’m also eating things I don’t normally eat (like chocolates and ohmygod the crepes I had this morning with whipped cream *slaps self* ) is because I’m HUNGRY.  Yes, I’m going to continue saying it, I’m hungry people.  Maybe I’m not starving, but I’m empty.  I am suffering a bit. Still.

As I mentioned before, I have cut out my mid-morning snack and have been drinking tea instead, but this is not sustainable.  This is not going to the be the way that I live my life, for the REST of my life.  So I gotta figure this out.  I just don’t know what to do yet.

I have also not had any eggs this week!  I was eating a lot of eggs (I still love them so much) but this week I had none.  The result on the scale was 1.4KG less than last week.  Was it the lack of eggs and fruit in the morning?  I really don’t know to be honest! 

Something happened on Monday (which makes me think about this thing I have of having to eat every few hours) that really bugged me.  I mean, I know these girls didn’t mean anything by it but it went like this.  I made lunch for myself and for two of my colleagues (last week they both gushed over how gorgeous my lunch was and to make a long story short they begged me to make it for them as well and even gave me money!) which was the following:

100gr wild rice
80g chick peas
3 small tomatoes
some steamed green beans (maybe 90-100g)
30g avocado
30g light feta cheese
a dressing of lemon juice and Dijon mustard
sea salt, black pepper and some fresh coriander

Now let me make it clear: I do NOT feel that this is a huge amount of food. I eat a lunch similar to this daily. Well at least I change out the protein and the dressing if it doesn’t fit. I told them I would make the exact same thing for them on Monday. Which I did.

One ate about 3/4 of the lunch and to be honest I have never seen her eat that much EVER. So, ok. Even another colleague said he thought she would explode because she’s so skinny and just really never eats that much.

The other one ate less than half. I made a joke as if she didn’t like it and she said “No, I loved it! I just don’t eat so much food!” This one I would also classify as “skinny” but was dieting this summer because apparently she was a kilo too heavy. (Don’t get me wrong here people, I KNOW it’s all relative and when people feel like they have weight to lose it doesn’t matter how much, the feeling is still there. I’m sure there are people out there right now who scoff at my *only* 30 Kilos to lose in total. Whatev.)

“I just don’t eat so much food!”

Oh. But *I* do.  That must be why I’m a fat pig and you are skinny.

So if I don’t eat very much I will be skinny?  (For the record I do not want to be “skinny”.  My goal is to be at the teetering edge of overweight and healthy BMI)

If I eat less I’ll lose weight?

What if I’m already eating less?

It makes me wonder… do “normal” people feel hungry too and they just don’t eat?  Do they feel fueled?  Do they have enough energy to exercise, with so little food?  Is my brain and my body so effed up at this point that I simply can not eat less food?

I do not recall this being such a struggle the last time I was actively losing weight.  Really.  It’s hard and that’s ok.  I am in this for not only the goal but for the rest of my life.  I’m in this for my health.  I’m healthier now than I have been in a really long time. But damn, cut me some slack now!  How can I even celebrate a loss this week when I know I didn’t exactly do it in the right way?  And if I keep shoving chocolates in my mouth, well, it’s not going to stay off either now, is it.

Last bit of news, got my number of my first race Sunday – I’m nervous as hell, but I just have to get through it now.  I ran nearly 13K on Sunday, but only 6KM on Tuesday.  Tomorrow we are going again, maybe just for 7 or 8 KM.  Don’t want to push it too much.  I figure I’ll run 5KM, walk/jog 2KM on the beach and then run again 5KM.  We have 105 minutes to complete it.  Piece of lowfat pie :)

In case you missed it, I lost 1.4KG this week.  Ok, I’ll celebrate it a bit :)

What's in Your Cupboard?

Several weeks ago a challenge I am involved in asked us to clear out our cupboards and refrigerator to get rid of all bad stuff and replace it with only healthy stuff.

I went in, fully prepared to fill up a bin bag with things that weren’t exactly nutritionally sound or worth anything to anyone health wise and I literally had nothing to throw away.  Nothing.

I can’t say this really surprises me.  While it may sound like I’m up on a High Horse of Healthiness, I swear to you – we just don’t buy anything junky.  Nothing.   Maybe every once in a while some crisps or popcorn, but nothing on a regular basis that I would have to fight against cravings. This is what my cupboard looks like now.  Almost the same as at the beginning of the month, when I checked.

my tiny food cupboard

And the reason the spices are in the cupboard is because we only have so much space on the shelves (which seem to be bowing…)
more spices

I can’t say Hubs likes the fact that there is no junk food in the house.  Before he met me he was the Nuts and Crisps King.  And I’m not talking about peanuts, I’m talking about this:

And this was the guy who weighed about 65KG when I met him (though admittedly had a weight problem several years before, probably somewhere around 90KG).  Sometime last year he was complaining that he was gaining weight.  I replaced his Nuts with WW Chocolate bars.  We made a few other changes too, so that he wouldn’t continue to gain weight (though his love for cooking Indian food is not helping, but he is by no means overweight).

I, on the other hand, have never been able to have something in the cupboard that is junky and NOT consume the whole thing.  In fact, speaking of WW chocolate bars – I can’t buy them anymore, because I’ll eat all 5 that come in a box.  Why?  Honestly I do not know.  A bag of crisps?  Finished in one go.  I have the same philosophy with these things as I do with wine – An Open Bottle is a Finished Bottle.  Who eats a bag crisps in 3 or 4 settings?

My husband.  That’s who.  In fact, I know a lot of people who can just eat this stuff in the actual portion size.  To me it’s weird.  At my worst I remember it infuriating me that Hubs wouldn’t eat his bag of crisps while mine would be polished off in record-breaking speed.  What is wrong with people who can’t eat a whole bag of crisps???

Huh.  Funnily enough I realised there was nothing wrong with those people.  There was something wrong with ME. 

So, I don’t buy this stuff.  Ever.  That is, until something is planned and people come over.

After I’d checked the cupboard and discovered there was nothing in there to throw away, we planned a party for Hubs’ birthday (which was on Jan 12th, for those of you who want to put it in your calendars and send gifts next year) and we ended up buying crisps and nuts (cocktail peanuts) for people to enjoy after the meal he’d made for them.   Of course we had a full range of drinks, adult and non-adult for everyone to chose from as well.

I received 2 Hostess Gifts.  I don’t recall every receiving a hostess gift before (other than a bottle of wine or flowers, but this was Hubs’ party, not mine).  These two gifts were of the food persuasion.

So as I’m looking through my cupboards again today, I discover one of the gifts. 
Marshmellow Fluff, Hiding
It’s in a bag, probably hiding itself from all of the other stuff in the cupboard, knowing full well it doesn’t belong there.  By the way, what does one DO with Marshmellow Fluff anyway???  (This gift came from a fell American-in-the-Netherlands who found it whilst shopping in Germany).

Then I remembered the other gift.
cadbury

Can you believe I haven’t even cracked this open since receiving it on Jan 16th?  (This gift came from a Brit-in-the-Netherlands, who actually works at an expat food shop).  I am going to give this gift to my husband, or throw it away.

That’s right. I have no problem throwing this stuff away.  Yes it’s a waste but why should I consume it???  What is the added value?  Isn’t it more of a “waste” to eat it and regret it later? 

Otherwise, I love my cupboard.  It’s small, like the rest of my kitchen, but it has loads of things in it that we enjoy on a regular basis.  Herbs and spices, eggs, bread, lentils, pasta, rice, olive oil, different vinegars, chili powder, tuna, onions, garlic, tinned tomatoes, and coffee just to name a few.  It’s hard to fail at eating right if I work from my cupboard and plan out my meals.  Maybe that’s why it feels easy to eat healthily almost all of the time – even on the weekends I can’t say that I struggle really – we don’t eat out much so there really is no temptation.

So what’s in your cupboard? Do you feel like you have set yourself up for success by having a healthy food pantry?  If you struggle with staying away from junk food do you use others in your household as an excuse to buy it?  I would love to hear your responses!

On that note, I think it’s time to TIDY up the cupboard.  I didn’t realise how messy it looked until I took the photos!

Daily 18/11

what a day! so very busy.  I finally stopped working at 9.30pm.  I was at home, thank God and I did have a “break” to go to an appointment in the afternoon.  ugh.  no work tomorrow and Friday!

Wednesday

Breakfast – coffee, 1 kiwi, 2 soft-boiled eggs, 2 slices of toast, 1 triangle Laughing Cow Light 7½ points

Snack – 1 mandarin orange

Lunch – 2 slices of toast, 1 LC light, 50gr chicken lunch meat, 1 tomato (in slices), lettuce leaves, pickled chili peppers 5½ points

Dinner – dark bread, Calvé Extra Light mayo, 2 slices of Slankie (LF) cheese, chicken tikka masala soup 10½ points

Water: 1.5 litres
Points Total: 23.5
Deficit: 1.5
Fruit & Veg – could have been better, did not quite hit target today

Today was definitely not as good as it could have been. I woke up a bit late, was headachy, let myself get too hungry. Traveling tomorrow and back on Sunday; am still going to write everything down and focus on the goals I made this week.

I wonder if no one comments on my entries because Food Entries are boring? Could be. I guess until I get comments I can make up whatever scenario I want! Ha!

Daily 17/11

Pretty much the same as yesterday. I know it’s important to vary what we eat but it’s also important that I sleep. I will get more creative once I’m fully recovered any carrying my bigger bag to work with me again.

Speaking of which – no running as per doctor’s orders officially until the stitches are out next Thursday. Boo. Whether I still participate in the 10K remains to be seen…

Also, my official w/i day is Tuesday and the official weight is 82.8 KG. Was pondering this morning about this; since JUNE I have lost 7KG. Prior to that I’d already lost 7KG. 2.9 to hit the next ‘decade’. Of course I’m am going to do my best to get there before the end of the year, but I am also realistic. This is, in fact, the most difficult time of year for me food wise!

Breakfast- coffee, 1 kiwi, 100gr chicken lunch meat, 1 clementine 2 points

Snack- 1 triple tall non-fat latte 1 point
2 mandarins

Lunch- Lentil & Carrot soup (homemade), dark wheat roll, 1 LC light triangle 5½ points

Snack – 1 Americano
4 Dietorelle (WW) sweeties *
80 gr blueberries, 80gr raspberries, 125gr FAGE 0% Fat Greek yoghurt 1 point
1 apple
Cucumber slices

Dinner- red hot chicken curry and rice (tomatoes, bell peppers, onions and 2 tsp olive oil per person included) 9 Points

*these sweets are something like half a bag for 1 point. 4 are pretty much 0 points

Water; 1.5 litres
Points total: 18.5
Savings: 3.5
Fruit & Veg: yes!

Daily 16/11

Monday!

Breakfast- coffee, 1 kiwi, 100gr chicken lunch meat, 1 clementine 2 points

Snack- 1 triple tall non-fat latte 1 point
1 Americano

Lunch- Lentil & Carrot soup (homemade), dark wheat roll, 1 LC light triangle 5½ points

Snack – tea (nothing added)
Another Americano
70 gr blueberries, 100gr raspberries, 125gr FAGE 0% Fat Greek yoghurt 1 point
1 apple
Cucumber slices

Dinner- spicy chicken with lentil sauce and rice 12 points

Water:1.5 litre
Points Total: 21.5
Savings: 0.5
Fruit & Veg: yes!!

Daily 13/11

Yippee, going back to work! Never thought I would be so excited to do that. The Hubs actually drove me to another town where it would be easier to get to the platform – Arnhem is a total disaster at the moment, as far as getting to the front of the station, to the lifts. I feel good this morning; hopefully by the time I post this I will still be in the same mood.

Breakfast- coffee, 1 kiwi, sandwich with 2 LC Light triangles, red and yellow bell pepper

Snack- 2 Triple Tall NF lattes
Apple

Lunch – Hummous, spinach sandwich, salad with tuna (30gr?), 1 slice hard boiled egg, dressing.

Sample of Jenna’s pumpkin soup

Snack- 1 sample bite of brownie, 1 sample bite gingerbread cake (coffee tasting)
Apple

Train home- another sandwich (same as this morning)

Dinner-  hamburgers (very lean groundbeef, 1 slice Milner, ciabattas) – had two (100g each) but only ate 1.5

after dinner – 3 glasses of wine

Water – 2litres
Total points: guessing too many (35.5)
Deficit: most likely (13.5)
Fruit & Veg: plenty today

 

I went to a workshop today on basic management skills.  It was quite hard.  Emotionally.  Hard to explain, simply because I have a hard time to stop being angry and just feel my other emotions.  So, the day didn’t turn out exactly “great” but I can’t really complain either on the whole.

Daily 12/11

ugh ugh ugh – I am so not someone who can just sit still and do nothing. I feel so worthless right now.  Was thinking this morning “will it really be possible to run a 10K on the 6th of December?”  I realised I don’t even know when I get my stitches out.  Do I get them out? They aren’t the disolving kind.  Ugh.

staying on track today, if it kills me.  what is the purpose of our brain requesting more food/ sweets / peanut butter when we are not feeling 100%? 

and then suddenly, a blog post that gets what I’m thinking: Food & Happiness

Breakfast – tea (will surely have a headache today as well, no coffee), 1 kiwi, 2 soft boiled eggs, 2 slices of toast (no margerine today, wanted 2 slices of toast)

Snack – more tea (wish I had coffee)

Lunch – 100gr cottage cheese, lettuce, 2 tomatoes, 1 tsp olive oil, 2 pieces of toast, 2 triangles of Laughing Cow Light, 8 slices of cucumbers

Dinner – rice, veggies and chicken, 2 tsp of olive oil

Water: 1.5 litres
Total Points: 22
Fruit & veg: needed more fruit today

Daily 11/11

another boring day. that’s ok. I managed to hobble to the scale this morning and with pajamas it said… 82.7KG. So that means, you can be sick, or laid up, or not able to exercise but that doesn’t mean weightloss will be at a standstill. I’m still eating. I’m just not comfort eating. HUGE difference.

Breakfast – coffee, 1 kiwi, 2 soft boiled eggs, 1 slice of toast, 1/2 tsp of margarine

Lunch -  lettuce, 2 tomatoes, 1 tsp olive oil, 100gr cottage cheese, 7gr peanut butter (yes, I weighed it!)

Snack – cucumber slices, tea

Dinner – chicken tikka masala soup, ciabatta, milner cheese (1 slice), 50gr chicken, mustard

Water: 2 litres
Total Points: 23.5
Deficit: 1.5
fruit & Veg: needed more fruit today

Daily 10/11

Another Boring Day.  Keeping it in control though.  I have the desire but I’m not going to do it – usually when I’m bored like this I spend a lot of time going back and forth to the refrigerator or the cupboard looking for something to suddenly fufill me.  Ha! Why do we do that?

Anyway -

Breakfast – coffee, 1 kiwi, 1 piece of toast with margarine, 1 slice of Milner cheese

Lunch – 2 tomatoes, lettuce, 100gr cottage cheese, 1 tsp olive oil

Snack – blueberries, raspberries, 120gr FAGE 0% yoghurt, 10gr almonds

Dinner – leftover chicken curry and rice

Water: 2 litres
Total Points: 19
Savings: 3 points
Fruit & Veg – just barely

Got some shoes today – K-Swiss – and some cycling gloves for the crutches. Will be hobbling around in style soon!