Tag Archives: Challenges

Never Mind, Moving Along

Posted on by Renée
7

So once again the best laid plans and all that… no chance to get the rest of the posts up that I wanted to accomplish. Never fear, a post about October is here.

Once again, busy busy. However, a couple of things:
I was going to quit my gym. My company has now a sponsored membership at another national gym that I could join for less than what I’m paying now at my gym in Velp. I was annoyed this summer – every time I would finally make it to the gym, they would be closed for “summer hours”. OK I know they are a small gym, and definitely not a chain, but this is just not convenient for me. I want to go when I can go, not have to go during limited hours, you know? So, my annoyance was already built up some, when they phoned my husband (cue more annoyance; he doesn’t even WANT to go) to find out what they could do to help him be motivated to work out at least once a week and that was enough for me. Why didn’t they call me? I’m the one who wanted to be there! I wrote a letter immediately stating that I wanted to end my contract and I sent it along with my membership card a few days later. I was done.

A few days later I get a call and they ask me if I’m really sure I want to quit. I explain I could have a cheaper membership somewhere else where the hours are better for my schedule. We talked quite a bit about my annoyance regarding their summer hours (well, I had them on the phone, so…) and that on the weekends it’s really hard for me to get there before 1pm (when they close) because I’m not only tired, but the weekends are in general the only real time I have to take care of stuff that I can’t get to during the week because of work and commuting! The woman then asked me to just reconsider, to change my membership to just one time a week and then work with one of the personal trainers to help me keep my weekly appointment with myself and work on a program that fit my schedule. I caved and said “ok”.

That means, since October 1st, I have been consistently to the gym every week! I went on the 1st to meet up with my trainer Nico and we did an analysis and fitness test and these were the results:
Bodyfat Percentage: 36.9% – too high
Body Moisture Content: 45.23 – optimal
Blood pressure: 83/124 normal
Static Hand Grip Strength Test: 47 low
Technogym Bike Race Fitness Test: 43.5 outstanding

So what does it all mean? Pretty much that I’m very fit, but I could work on getting my body fat percentage down and that I could benefit from building up strength in my arms/upper body. To be honest I was extremely happy with these results, especially the “outstanding” result in the overall fitness test. Some days I find myself very frustrated and angry with how this whole “journey” has gone the last two years – now I just need to remember my weight, the number on the scale, is not the be all and end all. I’m 43 years old and very fit for my age! It could be worse! I could have never started at all! I could have given up completely! But I didn’t, I’m still trying, I’m still focusing on it every single day even when it may seem I’m not!

Anyway, plan is to continue for now at one time a week at the gym, though I don’t honestly know that I will really stay, it just depends. The other membership would mean I could go anywhere in the Netherlands where that gym is located, this could potentially be handy to go straight after work for example or later on a Saturday or Sunday.

I have also been tracking more consistently on My Fitness Pal but I could definitely improve on this. One thing I find quite challenging still is calculating food that we’ve made at home and determining the portion size. I’ve started to “trick” myself a bit with some types of meals (the curries my husband makes are divine and I tend to overeat with them) by using a small bowl instead of a “normal” bowl and then splitting out one portion into two to make me feel like I’ve been able to go for seconds.

Another thing that I’ve found to work better for my hunger levels is to eat breakfast later. I am usually up at 5am, so breakfast at 6 was normal. Now I’m focusing on bulky breakfasts, with a lot of protein (so let’s say scrambled eggs with steamed broccoli and mushrooms) and I’m taking that with me to eat in the train at 7am. For lunch again bulky with lots of veg, protein and a good fat and then a snack of fruit and yoghurt or cottage cheese, tomatoes and Wasa crackers. I’m still hungry-ish but it’s a lot less. It’s not perfect and I can tell you I definitely can’t sleep past 5 if I’m going to take a cooked breakfast with me, but it’s helping.

One other thing for October: I recently joined a challenge to do burpees every day for 30 days with no excuses. Though I didn’t make every day because I was well and truly sick last week (I missed 3 days), I resumed and have added 1 burpee each day. This challenge came from Scott over at Your Inner Skinny

Don’t know what a burpee is? Click on the link to see a video from beginner to mega-advanced to just downright insane! I started off as beginner at 5 and as of today I’ll be doing 15 adding one each day. I thought to myself, how hard could it be??? Well, let me tell you, I can seriously feel it in my CORE. This is a great exercise that anyone can do at any fitness level using just your own body weight and strength. I’m so annoyed with the fact that I can “only” do the beginner ones, that I’m going to keep doing these things until I can do the advanced ones!!

So that’s kind of this month in a nutshell. I hope I still have one or two readers left (but if not, that’s ok too :) ) – I’m planning more posts for November, ferreals!!!!

Part I:: What to do when you can’t do what you do

Posted on by Renée
4

Shhhh. Did you hear that?

Wait, there it is again!

Crickets! That’s right, crickets!

It’s been awfully quiet around here. I didn’t mean for it to be like this but the truth is a lot has been going on, and sometimes nothing has been going on and well other things were taking the focus.

The last time I posted was June 5th. June 5th! It’s now July 13th. I started writing a post a few weeks ago and never completed it. While I know this is my blog and it should be for me blah blah blah it’s kind of disheartening to know that this little place on the interwebz is never really going to be that awesome sort of little place that people like to visit and interact. So, there, I said it. It’s fine. Moving right along.

After my semi-pathetic Half Marathon in April (yes I know, “get over it”) I really was having a lot of problems with my left knee. In fact before the Half; every time I would train for more than an hour it would really hurt and hurt for days afterwards. I didn’t train well for the Half and there were two main reasons for that 1) time and 2) my knee. I learned valuable lessons from the experience so I wouldn’t trade it or not do it if I could do it all over again (I would do it differently of course).

Once that was over and I was trying to get over the result, I started cycling a bit more. Mostly commuting but occasionally I’d go further or longer or purposely set out on a specific route – something to do that was physical, enjoyable and not hard on my knees. I had a few races planned; one I dropped out of (the Zuidas) and one I participated in on June 19th, the Adidas Ladies Run.

A few days before the run I had a running group (work team) session with our trainer – my knee was killing me. In fact I was talking to my trainer and the combination of my knee, her asking me about the Half, and the upcoming race had me in tears. She was so sweet – she sent me a pep talk email a day later and told me most importantly to stop being so hard on myself.

On the 19th, I had my regular race day routine, got ready, ate, and so forth and drove to Rotterdam with my support crew (Hubs and M), but I was feeling a bit nervous. Not for the 10K. Not for the race itself. Mostly about my knee.

To cut a long story short, the race was good. I felt good for 90%. My knee hurt from the start all the way to the finish. I probably shouldn’t have run on it but I did. It was raining but it didn’t bother me, I felt like I was running a good race. When I finally crossed the line, I wanted to burst out into tears – my knee hurt so bad, yet I just ran just less than 1 minute faster than my fastest 10K in February at Groet aan Schoorl. I knew that 10K was really going to be my distance, something I could really work towards getting faster, stronger. I couldn’t WAIT to do my next 10K and start training for the 16K in September (Dam to Damloop) and the 15K in November, maybe even find one or two more for before the end of the year.

Reality is that after that race I had to go to the physiotherapist. The pain was just too much. After checking me out and doing a few physical tests the verdict was in: No Running for 3 – 6 months.

Running is my therapy. It’s what clears my mind. It makes me feel like I can actually accomplish something (this is pretty all-encompassing when you are a person who can be happy and accept their life 90% of the time, there is still 10% that feels like there is a lot of failure), It makes me feel strong, confident. If I can’t run, what CAN I do?

Stay tuned for Part II.

The Diet Mentality

Posted on by Renée
20

Disclaimer: This is not a happy post, but rather a bitter one. It’s something I realized, while I was on holiday in the States, that I am still completely brainwashed from following Weight Watchers for so long. I know the program does work for most people, and it even worked for me a long time ago when my circumstances were different. Quitting WW has not been the liberating experience that I thought it would be. It’s sort of like breaking up with someone you’ve had a relationship with for a long time; you know ultimately they are not right for you, but it’s incredibly painful and the thought of living without them really scares you. Ultimately you have to do the right thing and walk away. That doesn’t stop the pain but you generally learn something in the process. If you are following the program and you’ve had success, I am truly happy for you, however, that doesn’t mean I think you are exempt from what I believe.

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As you all know, I’ve been on this weight loss thang for a long time now (ok, maybe you don’t know, but now I’m telling you). I have never, ever been on a “diet” per se, because I don’t believe in “diets”, but I have been a Weight Watcher on and off for a very long time (the first time I joined was in 1992). From my experience Weight Watcher members have always claimed that what they were doing was “changing lifestyle” or simply having a different “way of life” that we were not in fact dieting at all. “Dieting” meant a short-term solution to the problem – whether it be calorie-counting, South Beaching, Atkinsing, Low GI, Jenny Craig, you name it, those things are “diets” and therefore NOT sustainable for the long term. I mean who can live the rest of their life without bread or pasta, right?

Dieting meant something negative, it meant restricting yourself, punishing yourself almost, due to the fact that you were whatever version of Fatass that you believed yourself to be. Dieting could mean fasting, or going very low calorie, or even using pills to shed the unwanted lard from your body. Dieting was what you had to do to get into those jeans again, to go to that 20 year reunion, or to get naked in front of a member of the opposite (or hey for some people the same) sex again. Dieting was a means to an end but not, my friends, a “way of life”.

My experience as a Weight Watchers Member made me better than “those people” because this was the way I was going to live for the rest of my life and see how great it works? Totally sustainable! I was totally smug to you “dieters” out there.

So now I’ve quit Weight Watchers. And yet I am totally programmed, as if I am on a diet. How many points in this, what is a serving of that, which one is the better choice, how many pieces of fruit should I eat, ohmygod I had too much rice now I have to exercise for an hour to earn activity points.

Weight Watchers is ACTUALLY part of the diet mentality. Weigh-ins, measurements, food scales, control, loss of control, disappointment, unhappiness, holding back on “real life” until… until … until… I finally get to size X or weight Z.

I am still thinking of this shit every single day. That’s the diet mentality.If it WASN’T the diet mentality, I could have just quit Weight Watchers and moved on with my life, but my reality is totally opposite.

Every single day – did I eat too much? Ohmygod the scale went up again. Jeeze I haven’t moved enough today. I shouldn’t have had that (fill in the blank). I’m never going to be at my goal weight again. I’m so fat. I’m such a failure. I hate my body and it hates me.

You think that because you are “changing lifestyle” that you are NOT part of the diet mentality? You are. Until you truly accept you for who you are RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE you will be a part of it. You are a part of it every time you compare, every time you weigh your food, every time you add up calories, every time you calculate ProPoints (or PointsPlus), every time you restrict yourself, every challenge you join, every new idea (or old idea) you buy into. Weight Watchers is the Diet Mentality as well. I was wrong. I am sorry I was so smug to all of you Non Weight Watchers out there, I am totally programmed and even though I’ve let go of the rope I keep thinking this way.

I am certain many people out there could be offended by what I am saying now. I think many people still believe that Weight Watchers is truly different. You’ve had success, you may even be a lifetime member (well, hey, so am I), you worked hard for where you are at, surely I must still be doing something wrong, clearly I am not working the program properly and now clearly I’m looking for someone or something to blame. But no, I’m not. I have just come to realize that I bought into it. I believed in it. At the end of the day it didn’t work. What am I left with? The reminder of all the stuff I “learned”, all the tricks, all the tips I followed and am thousands of euros poorer because of my belief in a program that at the end of it all really didn’t care whether I stayed or quit.

I spent years counting, weighing, measuring. Some days were great, some days turned into weeks and months. Success was MINE! Some days sucked. Some days I couldn’t eat enough. Sometimes I just had too much. Some days I cared and some I didn’t. Some days I really believed I could do this forever. But honestly, who can count points forever? It sucks thinking about it, it sucks tracking it, it sucks when you do everything in your fricking power and the mechanical beast tells you that you actually suck and you are even heavier than you were last week. I spent years being pulled in by the charms to ultimately get a slap in my face when I wanted to walk away. “Go ahead. Walk away. We don’t need you anyway” Years of my life in this DIET MENTALITY. I thought it would be easy to just quit. Seems it’s actually going to be more difficult to step away than I had originally thought.

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30 Day I’m Not Going to Eat Any Work Crap Challenge

Posted on by Renée
5

(I actually wrote this on Wednesday 5th of January, after having a stressfun-filled day at work Tuesday)

There is something that pisses me off immensely about myself. Time and time again, especially when feeling stressed I eat things that are “in my face” on the work floor even though I have plenty of healthy alternatives near me.

Yesterday I lost count of how many Italian chocolates I ate even though I had an apple, two mandarins and a kiwi staring at me as I shoveled them into my mouth. And to add insult to injury, I purposely walked over to the biscuit tin and had four cookies. Four.

I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t craving anything. They were there so I ate them.

Coincidentally yesterday was probably the most stressful day of the month for my job as I’m in accounting and we had to close the previous month and open up the new month. On top of all that, all the questions, all the pending emails, everyone wanting a piece of me – I just went straight for the junk.

I want to say it loud and clear. This is NOT who I am or what I do. I do not eat junk. I do not buy it outside of work. I do not have it at home. I don’t even eat it on the weekends. This holiday period has been an exception of course, but even then I haven’t gone completely insane outside of work.

It’s being at work, the stress, the crap everywhere around me (and trust me, I work at a company where it’s possible to get sweet syrupy chocolaty beverages, pastries, biscotti, shortbread cookies, chocolate bars… yet I don’t BUY that stuff so I don’t eat it.). I have one colleague who fills up the candy jar every single week but it’s quite far away from me so if I do go for it I have to get up physically and walk over to it (the jar is filled AND there is a tin of biscuits there as well) – in times of stress I do this yet I cannot find the logic in my actions!!

I don’t want it. I don’t even crave it. I’m not even sure that I like it! SO… I am going to learn how to deal with my stress in other ways. I am taking on a 30 Day I’m Not Going to Eat Any Work Crap Challenge starting today. Every time I feel compelled to go for the chocolates or biscuits or brownie samples I am going to go up and down the stairs three times (it’s only 3 flights, but still).

I got some great suggestions from my lovely twitter friends, some things I do already but maybe not consciously enough:

1. always take my lunch – I get 30 minutes and I always go away from my desk and eat with my colleagues
2. arm myself with healthy snacks in arms reach – I do that BUT somehow this hasn’t stopped me from shoveling the crap in even whilst staring at it
3. Go outside and take a walk – this I don’t do, but if the stairs aren’t helping then I will try this as well.
4. do some deep breathing exercises / count to 10 exercises
5. look up the calories in the junk and write down how many miles it will take to burn off
6. Run (well, cant really do that at work except on Running Club days and even that I feel stressed and guilty about because I’m away more than an hour)
7. Drink water, tea, coffee & eat “filling” foods (beans, fiber fruits)
8. Allow myself one treat – I would like to save ‘treats’ for special occasions actually.
9. Get to the root of the problem – the stress/ reaching for crap. (my husband said something similar “you’ve got to really check under the hood why you are doing that when you don’t really want that stuff anyway) OK but then I need a shrink!!
10. Imagine the food covered in wriggling maggots – I used to say there were “bugs” or “worms” in food and that would keep me from eating crap. Maggots are extremely gross so I’m going to try this visualization again.
11. Bring a bouncy ball and throw it repeatedly at the wall. Or hit something (I like this one – am afraid I would hit someONE though. Haha!)
12. Coloring books and surf the net – I like this one a lot but I’m sure I’ll get my arse kicked if I start coloring at work and surfing the net! Definitely like this for non-work situations.

I would like to thank you ladies for helping me through: @muffintopped, @SuziStorm, @debroby, @donna_de, @angiejanetads @EMRUK, @tidbits_of_tara, @yogasavestheday, @TeachyBon, @longdoglover, @Mariaelopez, @JewliaGoulia *smooches*

Again, I want to stress that when I am doing this, I am NOT usually hungry. I am not even craving this stuff. It’s funny because I don’t really crave anything at all. I mean, I look forward to eating good food, but that’s something totally different. If I ever crave things it’s definitely more like pizza or döner kebab and that’s almost always in conjunction with drinking (which I normally reserve for weekends). To reiterate: I don’t buy it, it’s not at home, I don’t purposely go out and get it either.

This bullshit stops today. I am a grown woman. I know that no piece(s) of chocolate is going to solve ANY work challenges. It’s not logical and I pride myself for being a logical person. I’m just so done with this. At the end of this challenge, I will win the satisfaction of knowing that I am Lord (Lordess?) and Mistress of the food that I put in my mouth and not a damn cookie or piece(s) of chocolate. SCREW YOU JUNK FOOD!!!

What do you do to combat stress? Do you find yourself emotionally eating often? What’s your trigger? If you have been able get to the root of the crap-eating what were the steps you took to get there?

and now as of this posting, I made it through days 1 and 2 of my 30 Day Challenge. It’s silly, but it works. I haven’t touched any of the stuff!!

Challenge. Strategy. Result.

Posted on by Renée
6

I know it’s been a little while since I posted and I there are a few reasons for that. If you have been following along the last wee bit you know that there’s been a lot of stress at work again, mainly due to lack of personnel to do the work, which equals me filling in where needed, which equals quite some extra work, effort and energy given.

The weather’s been awful and I haven’t been able to go outside and run like I really want to and just as it’s cleared up I had to go to the UK for work so no running outside in my little neighbourhood.

I also got some news quite recently that my dad has prostate cancer. I’ve gotten a lot of feedback and have also had some email exchanges with him and my stepmom about the situation (we have an 8 hour time difference so still haven’t talked on the phone) and from what I understand there is a really good chance that he’s going to be just fine after treatment since it’s been discovered in an early stage. Regardless, last week Hubs and I made the decision that we will go to New Mexico early in March (dad has treatment in January), which we can’t really afford, but will clearly scale down in other areas in 2011 so as not to go bankrupt from the trip. It’s important. More important than any frivolous weekend away I could do next year. I need to see my dad. I hate being so far away from him right now, EVEN IF he’s going to be ok.

I mentioned I had to go to the UK for work, London to be precise and that’s really mostly what this blog post (title) is about. Since I’m basically in the maintenance stage of my weight loss (or should I call it a body hiatus?) and England is pretty “difficult” in terms of just how much yummy, delicious, fatty, gorgeous food is out there (from fast food to pastries to cafes and restaurants) and let’s not forget my mind’s desire to have a glass of wine or a pint of beer in a cozy looking pub as often as possible, I knew I needed a real strategy to get me through the few days I would be on my own for all meals and free time out for the most part.

Arriving on Sunday midday was probably the best thing I could have done. I packed indoor and outdoor sports clothes and shoes, as I knew there was a gym at the hotel, one near the office and also the possibility of running outside. Hubs made a joke that I was taking the “big suitcase” for only 4 days but I explained to him that I needed the indoor and outdoor shoes and clothes to work out. He even then had the audacity to challenge me “You’re not going to work out”. Hmmmmph. Normally he is the vote of confidence. I would show him.

I arrived at my hotel, dropped off my stuff, in fact, I even unpacked, put my things away, hung up my clothes (I never do that, I’m just really lazy in some areas) and then I went walking up the street to where I knew the shops were to hit up the grocery store. Breakfast at the hotel was £10 each day and while probably tasty and paid for by my company I thought to myself “what’s the real cost here?” and decided I could treat myself better than that. I found Sainsbury’s quite quickly, went in and proceeded to be overwhelmed first of all by all the good looking fruit and veg that was available. I wanted to make sure I had something to eat for breakfast and snacks throughout the day in case I got hungry. I must have been in there for an hour! (Side note here is, I love “foreign” supermarkets and could spend literally hours in them looking at everything, reading labels and making new discoveries). I picked up some fruit that I knew would last in my hotel room – mandarins, bananas, pears, a package of blueberries, blackberries and strawberries – some dried cranberries with macadamia nuts, yoghurt, a “trio” of small portion hummus pots, a dip made of sweet potato and harissa (totally going to make this at home), cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks and I picked up some Weight Watchers “wheat and oat” crackers (which turned out to be absolute crap). From there I walked further, checking out restaurants and shops and I wasn’t really lured in anywhere so I eventually decided to head back. When I returned I discovered I didn’t have a mini bar to keep my stuff cool, so thought it would be ok that night and the next day I’d just take the stuff to work and stick it in the refrigerator there.

I went downstairs at that point to the restaurant as I was hungry but they weren’t open yet so I went into the bar instead. I ordered a chicken ceasar salad and a “side” (the portions are too big – I’d say they are becoming “Americanised” with their portions) of hummus and toasted pita bread. As tempting as it was to order a nice cold frothy pint of beer, I stuck with a Diet Coke. I had plans for later and that was to hit up the gym.

That’s exactly what I did. After dinner (which I was unable and in fact unwilling to finish as tasty as it was) I waited a while, got changed and went to the hotel gym. I’ll be honest – I struggle to run on a treadmill because I don’t like the “going nowhere” feeling. The “treadmill” in the “gym” was like half a normal treadmill. The gym wasn’t really much of a gym either. It was better than nothing though, right? So I’m running on the treadmill and already feel my 42 year old bladder saying “Uh. Excuse me? I think I need to go.” So after 5 minutes I had to stop, leave the gym, and go all the way back up to my room because I couldn’t find the WC facilities on the first floor. I quickly did my thing and came back and the machine was even still on pause so I jumped on and started up again.

And so it went. I ate MY food for breakfast – banana, yoghurt, fruit – I took fruit and nuts and some veggies to work and I stuck with this strategy to get me through. For lunch I was on my own though. Monday I had a grilled veggie Panini and salad. Tuesday I had gone to the gym again in the morning before work and was ravenous by the time 12.00 rolled around so I had an omelet, some salad and some chips (fries), which – maybe not a big deal to some – I did not completely finish. Wednesday there just happened to be a pot luck at work and so I had a bit of what was on offer (Jamaican Jerk chicken, chili con carne, samosas, a scotch egg, a few crisps and in fact I had a few sweets as well).

The point of all of this – There were things that I could control and I did just that. I could have had a fry up every morning, and gone down to the store when I was feeling peckish to get a Toffee Nut Latte and a Lemon Poppyseed Muffin, or some biscuits or some other pastries (like I did the last time I was there in June) but I did not. I took care of my breakfast and snacks and I chose what I felt was appropriate at the time for lunch and dinner. I went to the hotel gym twice. I drank very moderately (also compared to the last tme) – one night I had one glass of wine that lasted me for nearly two hours and then went to bed early, one night I had two glasses of wine at dinner but spread out over a few hours and Wednesday, out with friends I had exactly ONE margarita (a first for me).

The challenge was to take care of myself. The strategy was to buy food items that I knew would set me up for success and make good choices out. The result is feeling pretty chuffed with myself. On the Scale? Who knows. And frankly who cares?! Thinking about situations and planning ahead is very empowering and I feel really good about how it turned out.

The trip was really good for me. It was good for my self-confidence, my self-worth, my belief in myself. And I mean that work and health-wise. The bonus part of it all was meeting Scott, Donna and Amy Wednesday night for dinner – unfortunately Scott is going back to Canada soon, but I hope to see Donna and Amy again in the near future. In fact, Donna’s coming to the Netherlands to do a 10.5K on January 9th, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be joining her.

I know I have been changing around my blog a bit and I think I’ll be sticking with this layout now. I just need to get the rest of the blog together, so, again, bear with me and thanks for your patience.

No(more excuses)vember

Posted on by Renée
8

I love it when a fresh month starts, don’t you? And funnily enough, today is the 1st anniversary of this particular blog (I have had others but this is the one that has actually lasted this long – the others either petered out or I got way too much spam). So the 1st of November and the 1st Anniversary… a good sign or what??
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I actually wanted and tried to get my shit together a couple of weeks ago and have had the wonderful challenge of too much work to do and too little people to do it. I know exactly what my weak spots are – get too stressed = emotionally eat. The good thing about recognizing these moments is that, while I may still stick my hand in the candy jar, I stop much sooner than I would have a few years ago. Baby steps.
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So a few weeks ago I also planned out some dinners and some exercise time. I’m happy to say that both went about 80% to plan. This is a good thing. Having a plan really helped. I’m sure I’ve said it about eleventybillion times before – planning is a major part of all of this. Some people like to be spontaneous and not be stuck to a certain schedule, but I know myself and I know that planning makes more sense for ME.
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I did get to the gym twice – I went and did my circuit one day and I went to spinning the other day. My intention was to do that again last week, but as it was I got home every night at 8pm or later so that wasn’t going to work at all (gym’s open until 10pm). I can’t say I loved spinning… but I liked it and I feel challenged enough to go again until I can do all of the specific movements required. Maybe eventually I will love spinning… but I did find it extremely hard and I did feel like I was going to pass out during the first 10 minutes! It was really intense! I had asked a girl beforehand who I could see was also attending the class if I needed to bring my towel in and not only did she answer my question, she also took the bike next to me and explained a few things and told me to take it to my own pace (which is what the instructor also said) and then even checked with me occasionally to see how I was doing. Turns out she even lives around the corner from me and usually goes to spinning on Mondays. IF I can get myself out of work on time today there is a possibility I will go tonight to check out that class (different instructor). (latest update is, nope, it’s 8 pm and I’m just home)
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I wanted to go running as well and I did do that – I went with hubs to do some interval training and I went with my running group at work as well. I also went last night and will probably go again Tuesday or Wednesday. Friday is my night race – which I am looking forward to, except for the fact that I didn’t realize it starts as late as it does (10pm!). Usually I’m passed out by this time on the couch after a whole week at work, but I’m going to arrange that I have Friday off so I can sleep in a bit!
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I was trying to think of some goals for the month and I’m not quite there yet, but they include the usual… running, eating well, and dare I even ask for some weight loss???? I weighed in this morning again and of course I am back up to 80.8KG because for some reason my body likes being there. *sigh* there are a few things I want to focus on for sure:

1) drink enough water
2) take multi-vitamin every day
3) food journaling
4) make the decision whether to fully stop Weight Watchers online or not (Credit Card expires this month so I’ll have to set my account up with the new credit card if I’m really going to “go back” and commit to it).
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I originally signed up for Drop Dead Gorgeous by December but to be honest, while I have not given up on myself, I am just not a challenge person and I prove this again and again by joining and then promptly not participating in the challenge. One good thing can be said from signing up though – one of my goals was to finalize (as in make it legal) my marriage in the Netherlands and we have a date set for that of the 19th of November. Hubs and I got married in March 2009 in Las Vegas and we have yet to take our papers to the Town Hall where we live to register, but on top of that because it’s considered an “international marriage” we have to register in The Hague as well. So we literally need to take a day off to do this. And it’s a good excuse to see some friends too. The date has particular meaning – it’s the day we actually committed to be in a relationship exclusively with each other AND it’s the birthday of my friend Michael who sadly died in April 2009. Happy and Sad times. That about sums up my life in a nutshell.
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November will be a good month. I’m ready to have a really good month. Please, universe, can I have a good month?

Apparently Complaining is Good For You

Posted on by Renée
8

I didn’t get the memo otherwise…

This whole past week has been on long bitch session. Every single day fighting with my body and it’s hunger. Thinking about how long it’s been since I actually lost any significant amount of weight. Today I even did my measurements and there is no change. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? I really have no idea. Maybe I’m measuring totally wrong. I don’t know. I specifically went out yesterday to by a new measuring tape (since I can’t find my old one) and then no change. I don’t get it. I’ve run. I’ve biked. I’ve walked. I’ve gone to the gym. My clothes are fitting fine. I bought new boots yesterday (and it’s been years since I could get a pair of boots over my calves. All of these things are GOOD THINGS. That I am not complaining about. That I am PROUD of.

However, I have EVERY RIGHT to be pissed that my numbers haven’t changed. I KNOW that it’s not the be all and end all. I think I rock and am totally awesome 90% of the time. The other 10% is important too. I AM STILL IN AN OVERWEIGHT BMI CATEGORY PEOPLE!! That means where I’m at now, with my weight, and fat percentage is not completely healthy. I am about getting healthy here and with a BMI of 29, I am officially NOT healthy.

After tracking all week – with the exception of the 3 glasses of wine I had on Friday night – I discovered that I was over ProPoints by an ENTIRE DAYS WORTH of points. That’s not normal. Or at least it doesn’t look normal. The only thing that was outside my normal, healthy way of eating last week was the BBQ I went to. I just guessed at the points and maybe I overestimated. Better to think “over” than under, right?

I have to say, from all my complaining, I got so many great suggestions via Twitter and also email. I can’t tell you all how much I appreciate that! And as I complained that I am not losing weight, I did get on the scale on Saturday (my new weigh in day) and I lost 900 grams (2 lbs). You see? I lost 900 grams from all the bitching and moaning I did this week! Hubs set up our scale so I could look at a few other numbers as well.

I don’t fully understand it, but my scale measures body fat, moisture, Resting Metabolic Rate, Basal Metabolic Rate, Muscle Mass Percentage and bone weight. I’ve amateurishly pasted together two photos for your viewing pleasure (hey, I DID say amateurishly):

To break it down:
weight: 79.5KG
Moisture: 48.6% (“good” is 40-60% “excellent” is over 60%)
Fat: 33.5%
Muscle:31.2%
RMR: 1517 calories needed if I just laid in my bed all day
BMR: 2478 calories needed based on my activity level to maintain my current weight
Bone mass in KG: 8.7 (don’t really understand this, since when Hubs did his, it said 120KG???)

So, this explains why I am often hungry. My body requires a lot of calories to maintain my current weight. And just to be clear:

YES it’s real hunger.
NO I’m not thirsty, but I do still drink about 3 litres of water per day
YES I eat a protein rich diet
YES I load up on veggies and I eat the recommended amount of fruit servings a day

I think it’s also important to note that I do not have cravings. Not for anything at all. Not for sweets, not for chocolate, not for cakes, not even for burritos or pizza. When I want junk it’s for purely emotional reasons. I am totally aware of this. I don’t make excuses either, but I don’t need to, because I rarely do it. At the BBQ for example, I wanted the things that I eaten for the “emotional” reason of not having had those things in so long, but I STILL ate those things in moderation. So. Yeah. Again, maybe I overestimated the ProPoints on those items, but it’s hard to tell. Usually I don’t even eat cookies, for example, so I don’t even know how many points they actually have.

I mentioned it before, but in case you are just joining me, I think part of the reason I’m hungry is also because I am up and awake for many, many hours a day. My stomach schedule goes something like this:

5am – out of the bed after 2 snoozes, usually hungry
drink water and prepare lunch and snacks, shower, start getting ready for work

6am - eat breakfast. I used to eat things like eggs/egg whites with veggies, then the dietitian I saw at the gym told me I shouldn’t do that, that I should eat Swedish Crackers (knackebrood) instead. So I started eating that with light cream cheese and cucumber or with a slice of chicken on top. This week I got several suggestions for oatmeal with peanut butter and banana and that I would be “filled up for hours” and while I find it extremely tasty there is no real change in hunger.

8am – not quite at work yet. Start to feel a bit hungry on the train. Drink water.

9am – arrive in the office, have a milky coffee drink. Hungry.

10.30am – really feeling hungry now, take a break and go get a very large herbal tea.

11am – ravenous. Have a piece of fruit.

11.15am – Oh my god, is it lunch yet???

12.00 noon – about to fall over or kill someone who is in my way to the lunch room. Eat one or two sandwiches depending on what else I have to eat (a salad maybe), usually load with twice the amount of veggies as the bread weighs. Feeling much better now.

somewhere between 2 – 3pm – starting to get that feeling in my tummy again. Drink water or have another tea.

4pm - yep it’s that time again… fruit with cottage cheese will help.

5pm - leave the office. And I’m hungry again.

5.30pm – on the train. If it’s not too busy and I get the chance I’ll eat my Fage 0% Yoghurt, fruit (blueberries, strawberries and a mandarin) and almonds. If it’s really busy and I don’t have a seat to myself for a while, I’ll wait and maybe eat just a mandarin, drink water (though I hate to do this at this stage in the day, because I drink so much I’m in the loo every 45 minutes. My commute is two hours. That means I’m bursting anyway by the time I get home), or chew some gum.

7pm – home. and…Hungry!!!

8pm - dinner. Usually something with rice, meat (chicken, turkey) or fish, and a vegetable. Sometimes couscous instead of rice. Hubs cooks and has Weight Watcherized his recipes.

If we run, we have a snack (was a peanut butter sandwich, but I’ve gotten some new great suggestions now), we run, we eat later, like 9 or 9.30pm even.

10.30pm bedtime. If I’ve eaten at 9.30 I will wait until 11pm.

So, if you’ve gotten through all that, I thank you :) You can see for yourself I’m getting around 6 hours of sleep each night.

OK. How about something different now?

I had a goal this month to run 85KM. I have definitely achieved this goal with my run today. I had a “meh” run on Friday – I was just tired and my legs weren’t having it – and I really wanted to go out and do 16KM so my brain could register that I CAN DO THIS. Our 16KM run that we are participating in is in just 3 weeks. Between now and then there isn’t tons of training time, so I wanted to be sure that I could do it under two hours. For the challenge I’m participating in on Nike+, I was 4th place on Friday; I’ve now moved up to 2nd place.

I think I’m fairly awesome. I wanted to quit this week. Like seriously give Weight Watchers the old Fuh Q but I decided against it. I didn’t even want to try my run on Friday and I got out there and did it anyway. I tried many of the suggestions that people gave me. I decided actually that I’m not going to quit. I may not track points for a while but I’m not going to give up on myself. Weight Watchers still teaches me about moderation and portion size and I need that. For the fabulous Drop Dead Gorgeous by December challenge I took the following photo:

I WILL never give up!!!!

A Charm

Posted on by Renée
18

This is the third time I’ve attempted to make a blog post.

Two days ago I I wrote a whingey little baby post. I may as well have filmed myself lying on the ground having a temper tantrum.

One day ago I wrote something that was a bit more grown up. I meant to post it and I didn’t. It’s irrelevant now.

Let’s see if I can do this today.

So, yeah, I was a bit annoyed/angry at the Social Media world, particularly Twitter, which I have two profiles for. Why do I? Well I don’t want to talk weight loss, food, etc. on my “normal” profile. Main reasons are 1) I don’t want to alienate non-WL people and 2) there are colleagues on the profile (like BigWig colleagues, but also regular dudes). I don’t think they need to be blatantly directed to my blog, do you? Nah. Didn’t think so.

My twitter profile that connects me to so many WL, healthy living and runner people is who I reach out to in the good and the bad times. So, for example, in the good, it would nice to be acknowledged for that. When I say I ran my 100th run since I got my Nike + it would be nice to get a “WHOO HOO”. When I explain how many kilometers and then calculate what that is in miles for people who don’t know they can google that information how to translate that into their own “language” , it would be nice to get a “Great job!”. When I demonstrate, for the visual people, what that means in distance from here to Dijon, France, it would be cool to get a “WOW” back. When you have followers that have 3,672 followers themselves, well, you become invisible. Unless you are a cool kid. Which I am not because I bitch too much and don’t blow smoke up people’s arses. I think my posts about my running just got lost in all of the other posts and therefore no one really had a chance or took the chance to say anything.

So that’s my whinge. Done and Dusted. Don’t take offence, I’m not talking about the people who regularly interact with me. I love you guys. I just sometimes feel like I did when I was in High School and I don’t want to feel that way. Twitter is just interwebz people (*ahem* Renée), it’s not High School, regardless of the cliques out there.

After going through that whole thing, all the emotions attached, etc., I realised.

It doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter. I KNOW for myself how fecking cool it is to have run already 685 kilometres. I know what my leg muscles look and feel like now and I know that I am MILES (no KILOMETERS ;) ) ahead of where I was one year ago. So yeah, ROCK ON Pinky!!

What is in my head, where these emotions come from, is the damage leftover from surviving my childhood. We didn’t get a lot of “great job” and “I knew you could do it”‘s. No. In fact my parents still don’t really get that kids need that (and yes, at 41, I am still someone’s kid who is hoping deep down for just a tiny bit of praise) I want to get to a point mentally and emotionally where it doesn’t matter anymore!.

I will probably still rant and rave from time to time, but at least I know who my real tweeps are out there, eh? I’m glad there are several of you who put up with me.

So without further adieu (haha! a little French for you since I “ran” to France):

100 Runs so Far (since June 2009)

I went and got the Mustard ;) (get it? Dijon? hahaha. Yeah a real comedienne)

A few other updates.
1) I’m not tracking! DOH!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??
2) I did not manage 30 days without the scale (challenge FAIL!) AND I gained weight. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??
3) I have not started reading my book yet even though I picked it out. Garrrr!
4) I have not written to my grandmother.
5) I HAVE made my appointment for my tattoo consult.
6) I have 30 KM to run to reach my goal this month (but I have 9 days so it will happen)

I need to get it together. I am so affected by stress (work stress) and this is the result. Me. Flailing around and not being in control.

I signed up for Jess’ Drop Dead Gorgeous by Decemberr challenge. Not that I’m not already drop dead gorgeous, but, you know… I guess I better fully read the rules of the challenge since it starts tomorrow, eh?

What do you do when you don’t get the acknowledgment that you admit you need? Do you suck it up and find it within yourself?

How do you handle all of your followers/ followees? Do you ever feel invisible?

The 30 Day No Scale Challenge

Posted on by Renée
4

As I mentioned, I’m taking part in Alan’s 30 Day No Scale Challenge.

I weighed in on Sunday, 25th of July, as the challenge indicated at 79.7KG or 175 lbs for you non-metric people. This is, in fact, the same weight as last week, not even one ounce off or on. Earlier in the week I was down almost a pound, but then of course I had my chocolate fest and drank a butt-load of wine this weekend so that didn’t really help me stay on the downward trend.

Let me first say, I’m cool with 79.7KG for several reasons, but the most important reasons are 1) It’s under 80, even if by only 300 grams, it’s under 80, which is a good milestone for me (last time I went to New Mexico, for example, four years ago, I weighed 101KG) and 2) There’s actually nothing wrong with 79.7KG. I feel good, I feel healthy, I feel like I’m getting stronger every day. So. That’s fine.

Alan suggested that we hide our scale or give it to a friend. I’m not going to do that. I want to be able to stop myself from getting on the scale and the only way I can do that is to keep it around. It’s high up so I have to make an effort to take it down and I am sure I’ll be able to stop myself, should the desire be there within the next month.

Alan also suggested that we make a few notes about what worries us most and be mindful and make notes afterwards on how the experience is. He is so right when he said:

Keep in mind this challenge is not about the “number” at the end of the 30 days. Its about learning to live without letting the scale dictate how we feel about ourselves. Its about looking in the mirror and feeling good because you fit into those jeans that were once small on you, or noticing some new muscle definition, or just thinking to yourself WOW I look great today.

I totally believe in this statement! The past several months, I have been working on myself with the idea that the number is NOT the most important thing in all of this. There are so many other important factors. I’m all about my clothes fitting nicely, reaching my fitness goals, setting new goals and pushing the limits.

But I do worry sometimes. Of course I do. I worry that if I don’t keep an eye on it, I can easily let it get out of control. It only took 2 days back at work to send me to the candy jar. What if I don’t weigh myself? What else can I do to make sure that I at the very least maintain this weight that I’ve worked pretty hard to get to in the last year and a half?

I can keep working on my fitness.
I can track my daily intake.
I can be mindful of my stress moments.
I can do everything in my power to make my time work for me (and not give my time away unnecessarily).

I don’t really need the scale to tell me that I am doing some pretty amazing stuff here! So 30-Day Challenge, Bring it On!!!