Author Archives: Pinky @lowfatpie

Beautiful Blogger (more awards – better late than never)

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
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The lovely River has bestowed upon me the

So sweet considering I happen to think she is quite beautiful herself.

Of course with any award there are rules:  As I pass this on to 7 other beautiful bloggers I have to tell you 7 things about myself:

1) My favourite smell in the whole wide world is the smell of the rain hitting the dry New Mexico desert. There is *nothing* better. Really. If someone could bottle it and send it to me, I would be very grateful.

2) Because of my eye “issues” I am cross-eyed fairly often – mostly when I’m tired, stressed or, ahem, under the influence of alcohol. I used to be very sensitive about it when people would say something or make a joke, but now I don’t really care.

3) When I was 10 I saw a movie filmed in Paris in the 1950′s and I decided I would learn French and live in Paris when I was all grown up (my reality was Dutch and the Netherlands; close enough).

4) I shop-lifted once. I stole a calligraphy pen from a stationery shop in Las Cruces, NM. I felt so guilty I took the pen back after about an hour.

5) I played the violin in school (starting from age 10) and did so the first two years by ear only (I could not read music).

6) I am obsessed by my eyebrows. I am constantly plucking them. I was told at my makeover in February that my eyebrows were a little thin. Yes, I am *that* older lady who is now filling in her eyebrows.

7) I can parallel park like nobody’s business.

and to the lovelies I would like to give this award further to:

Feed Me I’m Cranky
Eating Journey
Did I just eat that out loud?
Yum Yucky
Fallon’s Healthy Life
Barefoot Angel
Muffin Fixation

You Go, Girls!!

What to do when your head space is freed up to enjoy each moment

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
7

I’ve been thinking over the past few days about how I can really make a proper schedule for myself and how to actually execute it. My “dietitian”, Hubs and my coach all mentioned that to really have a life – work balance I have to pretty much force myself into the routine that I want until it feels natural.

The dietitian said pretty much that this is where I’m going to stay if I don’t make a stronger commitment to fitness and food. Right now it’s ok. Today it’s ok. But ultimately there are fitness and health goals I would like to reach. Not numbers, but actual goals like running farther and maybe even faster, getting more sleep, choosing to eat well and have that be a real, natural choice. I can keep doing what I’m currently doing of course. There is nothing wrong with it. However, I’m not getting any younger and there are races to be run and cute running skirts to get into.

My coach suggested to find that life –work balance I need to really consider how to improve in the areas where I lose the most time. We all know where that is, don’t we? That would be the 20+ hours a week I lose in commuting. Oh what I could do with those 20 hours! At the moment I am getting up at 5 – 5.30am, but there is a possibility that I could fit my running into the mornings, then I would be up at 4.30 LATEST (probably more like 4). Um. Yeah. That’s not going to get me more sleep, that’s for sure and I’d love to use some of that commuting time for sleep! He suggested then that I find and propose a way to work from home at least one day a week. I need to think about this plan and then propose it SOONER rather than later. Putting things off doesn’t improve ones life any quicker, right?

Working from home could accomplish things also from an exercise standpoint. I could plan to always go to the gym the night before and for a run that day, since I would be home all day anyway and most certainly home before 7pm! On those days as well I obviously could sleep in a wee bit.

Hubs already made up a plan for me (he’s efficient like that) but I’m not entirely sold on it. He also suggested that I just have fixed days and if anything comes up or I have to skip running or gym, I just skip. No guilt, just moving on. No trying to make up the next day, no worrying about burning cals before or after something fun like going to the pub with my mates came up, or football (like this weekend). Just, this is the schedule and if you miss, too bad, no big deal. I like the concept, it takes off the pressure and it keeps me in the present moment. Obviously I would do what I could to keep to the schedule, but you know, life happens sometimes! One suggestion he also made is that we always go running together on Sundays. I like that too; something good for us that we are doing together.

I am going to come up with a plan for all of this very soon. I wanted to already make a commitment, but I’m being realistic now. I have exactly 10 working days left before I am on holiday and half of those days include travel to our Germany office, month-end close, figuring out who’s going to be my backup and training someone in a new role. I am not going to put the pressure on to also break my butt getting home, going to the gym, running at 4am, going to a WW meeting, etc., before then.

So. The head space is freed and more thinking will be done and a good workable solution will be in place soon. AFTER the holiday ;-)

Next!

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
1

Just wanted to report in that I had a GREAT day today.

Yesterday I had a MEGA fail at running… or so I thought and then I switched it around… You know what?  I tried!  I went out there even though I was exhausted and had a bit of a belly ache (ate too many nuts) and I TRIED as hard as I could.  That was enough!  That was what was meant to be.  I came home, I ate dinner, I laid down in the bed before 10 and I got some kip for once.

RESULT!  I felt great today!

I wore a cute colourful sundress my friend S gave me.  Like, not black.  Not other dark colours.  No comment about how I’m a goth or a rock chick or an emo.  No.  The comments were:

“WOW! you look GORGEOUS today!”

“Those colours look amazing on you!”

“You are starting to look like a real lady!”

“Hey, Skinny!”

“You look so summery today!”

“You look GREAT!”

How could I NOT freaking feel great after that?! HA!

Today I set out to have a good day.  To eat WELL.  To live WELL.  And I did that. RESULT!!!

Bring it on! LIFE is good and worth celebrating! There is no reason to feel disappointed, not motivated, unhappy or feel like a failure.  I am most definitely succeeding.   I am succeeding at what is actually most important now.  Feeling good about ME, my life, my body.  Having my mind and spirit being in alignment.  Not taking the moment for granted anymore or skipping over it to worry about the future.  There is no “When I reach goal I’ll … ” anymore.  There is just today.  And today ROCKED!

So What?

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
8

Yesterday I met with my coach – I have been going through coaching for a few months now, for work, but it’s also helping me with my personal outlook on life – and there was something that we talked about that kind of caused me to have one of those light-bulb moments.

No matter whether work or personal-related I mentioned to him how I constantly have these two voices in my head competing with one another. You know those voices? The one that says “wow, you are doing great! Your confidence is amazing! You deserve this!” and the one that retorts “You could have done better. Why didn’t you react differently? Why did you give in? No one is ever going to respect you. You don’t really deserve this.” To simplify things, we’ll call these the LEFT (good feedback voice) and RIGHT (negative feedback voice) voices.

Listening and following the LEFT voice happens often and generally creates a good atmosphere in my mind and spirit. These are the days where I feel good, I feel accomplished, and I feel like, hey, life is actually really OK, nothing to complain about here. He explained to me that this is when I’m in acceptance mode. I accept all that is my life, am ok with it and am in the present moment. When the RIGHT voice kicks in, I’m not being accepting anymore and I may be in the past, I may be comparing to others, I may be comparing to past results of something or I may be somewhere too far in the future. Everyone has these voices apparently. Top Athletes have these voices for sure as they are always striving to do better, go faster, work harder. Nothing wrong with a little drive and motivation of course, but it can affect you in a negative way as well.

I mentioned “results” above. One thing he said to me, the thing that put the light bulb on, was “You are too results oriented instead of goal oriented” In ONLY focusing on the results, i.e., “I have to hit our targets, I have to accomplish xyz before the end of the month, my team has to clear the aging before xyz” or “I should run farther in that amount of time, I am not losing weight, the number on the scale is wrong, I should be a size 42 before my birthday”, the goal actually gets lost. I’m too far into having to see that result that I’m not in the present and I’ve lost sight of what the actual goal is.

Let me put it another way. Yesterday I wrote that I was disappointed in myself for *only* running 13.5 KM in an hour and a half. Seriously???? How can I be disappointed in myself? I had a goal and it was to run for an hour and a half. I did exactly that. In that moment I achieved success of what I set my goal as. No one, anywhere, required me to go farther, faster, or break any personal records. What am I running for? For my health and for fitness. I’m not running to lose weight. I was NEVER running to lose weight. I started running because I wanted to run. I wanted to know what it felt like. I wanted to become a runner if it was possible to do so. And it was. I AM a runner! I am spending way too much time and energy outside of the present moment. Comparing myself to others who clearly have different fitness levels, different bodies, even a different age than me. I will never run like my friend M, who is 6 foot tall and has lean legs as long as most of my body, so I should stop even thinking in those terms.

So what is the goal? What am I setting out to achieve?

Yes I would like to lose weight. I would love to be one of those people who reports in an excellent loss every week but I’m just not that person. I have lost 20KG. That is nothing to shake a stick at!! I have 10 to go. So WHAT if I don’t hit that by a certain date, time or age? Am I then a failure? I think not.

I would like to be healthy and fit. And for the most part I am extremely healthy (I NEVER *knocks wood* get sick, not really) and I have no signs of any hereditary diseases like what both of my parents have (Diabetes). I quit smoking 1 ½ years ago and have absolutely no plans on ever doing that again (and it’s not conducive to running anyway). My BMI is too high, but as long as I keep working at this it’s a not issue. I am, for the most part very fit; I have rock hard muscles in my legs, my arms are really shaping up, I can feel my curves coming back to their original shape. And speaking of fitness, I can run for an hour or longer without stopping. If one is not fit, that is certainly not possible.

I want to have a life too. I want to enjoy my friends, my family and YES, I want to enjoy food and drink. I’m not going to apologise for that and I’m going to stop freaking worrying about how many hours in the gym or running I’ll have to spend to work off that session I had at the Hard Rock Café or from this upcoming football (soccer for the North Americans) and concert weekend I’m about to experience. I’m going to run and go to the gym because I WANT to and for no other reason. Sure, it helps, but I’m not going to do it because I HAVE to have RESULTS in some tangible form. What about results in the non-tangible form? Am I happy? Do I feel good? If the answer is “YES” then I have my result right there!!

I want to be in the present as much as possible. Sure the RIGHT voice will kick in now and again, but I’m going to listen more to the LEFT voice whenever possible. I feel a lot better listening to the LEFT, I’m content, I’m confident, I’m focused, I’m driven. That’s what I’m striving for. The goal is the here and now and doing the very best I can for this particular day.

The Road To Hell

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
2

Was paved with good intentions…

That’s what the past, oh, I don’t know, 10 days has been like. Lots of half-blogs written, goals jotted down, notes of “I’m going to fill-in-the-blank-here” but honestly, it’s all been just a cover-up of paving the road to hell.

Last week I was in London for work and before I left I wrote this brilliant post that I obviously did not publish about how I was going to tackle the fact that I was outside of my normal routine. I would eat well. I would use the hotel gym facilities. I would get up early and run in the Hyde Park. I would not drink tons of alcohol. Sounds like it was a great plan, right?

Fact is, I went to London on a Sunday evening with a colleague, and met up with another colleague (but also a friend, who was at my wedding, so he’s not *just* a colleague) to have dinner and *ahem* cocktails so that was basically 5 minutes into the plan before abandoning it. We made plans for breakfast the next morning and even stopped off at a convenience store for fruit supplies (so I could eat at least something when I woke up, since I am usually very hungry upon waking). The plan was: Breakfast at 7am, walking to the tube station, at work by 8.30.

The Hotel breakfast wasn’t too shabby. I managed to avoid the sticky buns and croissants and other sweet pastries that were available. I did have fruit, nuts, and protein. However, hotels seem to not take the low-to-no fat approach on anything – the yoghurt I had was full fat (and absolutely, divinely delicious), but I ate fruit and a few slices of toast and cottage cheese and I felt like that would hold me well until lunch time.

Lunches and Dinners were something else. You know how when you are with colleagues, sometimes you just pretty much go with the flow because you are not there long enough to just do your own thing. Or you are visiting another office and you don’t know what is in the area so you just follow along. That’s pretty much what I did. Two of my colleagues were around from Seattle, one was travelling with me from Amsterdam and the rest were the colleagues we went to visit. On Monday we actually went to a Thai restaurant for lunch (which, I might add, was fine for me, but my Dutch colleague was a little confused about it “What? Thai for lunch? Can’t we just get sandwiches?”) and Monday night we were in a pub for dinner. Tuesday was pub lunch and out for Italian for dinner. Wednesday was Fish and Chips (a must apparently in Jolly Old England), and dinner wasn’t really dinner at all since we were travelling back to the Netherlands (so beer at the airport with garlic bread and weird sandwiches on the plane).

I really wanted (and so did my friend from Seattle) to go for a run around the park, but there were three of us staying at the hotel and one didn’t want to eat too late so we opted to skip the workout and just go to dinner. I’m totally ok with this but it took me a little while to switch my brain from being selfish to being flexible. (On the other hand, why do I give up what I want when others aren’t always flexible with me?). I thought about using the hotel gym, but as it was I still had to get up at 6 (instead of 5) to get ready and be down for breakfast on time. I really thought I would do it Wednesday, and just order breakfast for in my room, but again, I gave up the selfishness and decided against it at the last-minute. Besides, Tuesday we went on the London Eye Experience and got back around 10.30pm. Not super conducive for getting up early, working out, packing the suitcase, eating breakfast and getting to work by 8.30 (considering the gym only opened at 6.30).

Thursday I tried to get back to normal, but wasn’t very prepared food-wise. That evening I ended up home just after 8pm, dropped by the supermarket and “accidentally” bought a bag of m&m’s. Hey they were the special “Oranje” ones to celebrate the World Cup. Obviously I *had* to buy them!

Friday things were fairly ok, but still had wine and m&m’s in the evening. I thought I would go for a run, but I was “too tired”

Saturday I was meeting with friends in Amsterdam. At the Hard Rock Café. No self-respecting patron of the HRC goes without having cocktails, a big-ass cheeseburger, fries and onion rings whilst at the establishment! Did I exercise before I went to off-set the damage? Oh hell no!

Wow. Check out all the excuses I had the last week!

On Sunday I *finally* ran. It was ok. 13.5KM in 93 minutes (that was 5 min warm-up, 85 min running, 3 minute cool-down). I’m not super impressed with myself right now though. There should be MORE kilometers in that time. It just seems like I can do BETTER now.

Sometimes I feel like I should be doing more, doing better, achieving more results. The results are not really showing physically on my body at the moment and that is frustrating, though I really strive to keep a good perspective on the whole thing. I guess once in a while I just feel like I have nothing to report and am one of “those” bloggers who just talk a lot and have nothing to show. I wish I could report every week what a great loss I had or that I ran more, faster, longer. But I can’t. So this is what you get. The real, honest-to-goodness-yes-I-make-tons-of-mistakes Pinky. One day you will see me reach my goals. Not just the number on the scale either. I hope you will stick around that long. It could take a while.

Where was I?

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
8

Oh, yeah.  That Project I was working on.  The exercise. The food.

I seem to have run out of steam.

And isn’t that funny, right after I finally broke under 80 Kilos.

Right after I went on a fabulous shopping trip, that scored me clothes that really show off how far I’ve come so far on this trip I’ve been on.

Right after I ran for 2 hours.

Right after I had been so diligent in tracking, weighing, measuring.

Right after my major epiphany that I honestly feel good about myself, that I’m OK with how things are going, not just physically but emotionally as well.

For the first time in weeks I did NOT take full advantage of the time I had to have a work out.

So, I’m tired and I need to take care of that.  Today I also ate completely out of whack.  At least tomorrow that will be back to normal.  If I get a decent night’s kip I think my energy level will be back too.  The plan, the project, the dedication continues, it’s just had a little blip.   This is LIFE, right?  It’s never perfect all the time.

I still need to tell you guys all about that Blog Award I received too -  and I will definitely do that very soon!

Three Days Past an Update and a Quarter Past Your Life

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
20

Normally on Saturdays or Sundays, I like do to the Old Project:42 update and re-cap basically what I intended to do vs. what I did do. You know what they say about intentions right?  Something about a road, and Hell… how does it go again?

 It wasn’t a bad week, not at all.  But it definitely didn’t end up the way I’d intended.  Going to the Dietician really kind of threw me off a bit and I ate differently than I thought I would have.  Going to Weight Watchers gave me a real boost.  I did the main things that I thought I would do and the things that I’m getting used to doing, the things that actually feel good whilst doing them.

 I went to the gym Monday as I was already there for the dietitian.  Wednesday I ran.  Thursday I tried to Vlog, Friday I intended to run with the hubs but he tripped down the stairs and hurt his foot so I took that as an excuse not to.  Besides I was bloody tired and we had a dinner party on Saturday to prepare for.

I wanted to be prepared for this current week by planning ahead and making some goals and you know what?  I’m totally ok that I haven’t done that yet.  I’m somewhere in a place of “I am totally OK” and “You have to keep going”.  The “I am totally OK” place feels really good, like, amazing.  And I don’t know if it’s hormones or what, but a couple of times I have nearly burst out into tears I’ve felt so good and amazed.

Like just two days ago, I went for a run.  I missed Friday and Saturday (and drank and ate a lot Sat. night) so I wanted to go for a good run. I thought to myself:  “I wonder if I can do two hours and how far would that take me?”  So I finally geared up, after taking care of hubs for a few hours (he’s officially ill; could be stress and/or travel related), and set out on this challenge I placed upon myself.

Wait.  I just said, “This challenge I placed upon myself”.  Already I notice this is a huge change in my attitude.  This is not the same Pinky from a few years ago.  This is not the girl who purposely avoided pushing herself further. Sure maybe 10 years ago, but with the big black depression and consequent weight gain (hello Mr. Bottle O’Wine, I shall have you for dinner) after that, I never ever thought I would be in this good place, not like this.

So I set out for two hours.  Two freaking hours.  And I ran.  And ran. And ran.  I ran for one hour and forty minutes without stopping.  Then I walked briskly for five minutes and then ran the last ten (I always start with a five minute warm-up).  When the Nike Plus Lady told me I completed my two hours I stopped my workout and looked at my results. 17.5 Kilometers.  17.5 Kilometers. I burst out into tears.  Why?  Because I never thought, EVER in my life that I could do something like this, almost with ease.  That, I, the girl who hated running from as far back as I can remember, purposely ran 17.5 KM.  I cried too because I absolutely had to bid adieu to the voice that says I “can’t” do something.  Guess what?  I CAN DO ANYTHING.  I can do anything I set my sights on.  This wasn’t just a physical accomplishment; it was an emotional and mental one as well.  No one can ever tell me or even think that I CAN’T do something, because I can.  One year ago I was on C25K Week Four.  I wasn’t even running 10 minutes straight yet.  I remember being in Berlin during week 5 or 6, feeling like I couldn’t do it.  I was struggling with my breathing.  Didn’t know the terrain. I cried in the Tiergarten because I felt like a failure.  Like I would NEVER be able to do it. I’m thinking I should do the Berlin marathon at this point!!

The very next day I set out on my bike to ride to Nijmegen, a city 20KM away.  I packed my sandwiches and my water (but forgot my sunscreen like an idiot) and took off.  It was gorgeous out and I’d wanted to do this for years.  I ended up getting lost a few times, but I was cycling through the countryside and tiny villages that I’d never been to and it was fine, great even!  By the time I finally arrived it was 35KM later.  I sat out on a terrace and had an ice cold pint of beer.  I sat there, in the sun, thinking about what I just did and once again I wanted to cry from sheer happiness and feeling of accomplishment.  Later, I thought it would be better to take the train home so I wouldn’t be too late or too tired.  The universe had other plans for me because she knows I am more than able to ride my bike back to Arnhem!  I arrived at the train station only to find out there were no trains, only buses (work on the tracks).  So when I left I thought “OK, you can go the direct route now, it’s 20KM, piece of cake!”  Within one hour I was home again.  Tired, yes.  Sore, yes.  Hungry, no doubt.  But I did it!  An actual total of nearly 64KM.  Hubs, though sick, made a huge plate of pasta and homemade sauce for me that was ready when I arrived home.

But let me talk about this “you have to keep going” place.  There’s these little niggling feelings that come, usually every day still, that want me to go back where I was. Eating junk. Being lazy, not wanting to do this anymore.  I just want to wake up sometimes and have this fat suit gone and be able to eat, drink and be merry without the consequences, then things happen that push me back into “You have to keep going”.  I got one of those things last week too.

In the past 5 years four people I have known, one very close, two good friends and colleagues and one old boyfriend from the past have died.  Three have just dropped dead.  One unfortunately had cancer.  All of them were close to my age (one even younger).  I am forty-one years old.  I know people die and people get sick and people give up and fall into drinking and drugs but this reality is still absolutely mind-blowing when it happens so close.  My friend Michael, who died last year absolutely catapulted me into getting healthy.  He was just a wee bit younger than me.  That could have happened to me.  I have to keep going.  There is NO CHOICE now to go back.  None.  I can drop dead like Michael or Rob (who recently died of a heart attack, at the age of 44) or I can keep going. Wow, that’s a no-brainer choice, right?

So.  When you think that you are sick of this.  That you “can’t” or you just don’t want to or it’s too hard or, or, or… any other thing you can think of to try to stop yourself, just remember,  it’s a quarter past your life – don’t let the time waste away any longer.  Do this for yourself, but also do it for the people who love you.  I am still grieving for Michael and I don’t know that I’ll ever get over it.  Don’t do that to the people who love you.  But really?  When you do this for you, you will find out how capable you are.  How strong.  How determined.  How AMAZING you are.  Feel amazing! Feel accomplished!  Cry some tears of joy at just how great your health, your body and your life can be.  I know I’m not holding back any longer. I’m totally OK! I am definitely going to keep going!

Vlog Fail and The List

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
5

Yesterday I made another Vlog.  I decided I would try to do this for a while, do a vlog and try to connect using this medium instead of just writing.  Hubs goes to school on Thursdays, so it was a perfect opportunity for me to do the vlog at home without him doing something to distract me or jump behind me making weird faces.  Yeah, he would totally do that.

 So I made this Vlog and I uploaded it to YouTube even though I still am very critical of myself (I think I look tired, weird and need a makeover, but I probably see it worse than others do – oh and on a side note?  I think I need those injections they give you to make your lips fuller.  I’m officially a Muppet.  What happened to my upper lip???) And what happened?  It’s too long!  I did not know that there was a 10 minute limit on uploads to YouTube.  It shows you just how much I need to learn about blogging, vlogging, etc.  So.  No Vlog.  Sorry guys.  I am definitely not going to have a chance to do it again until next week and unless I become savvy overnight with video editing, then that vlog is pretty much going in the bin.

I wanted to tell you guys a bit about the list – and because I need to translate a few things I don’t have the list to show you just yet (or I could do w/out the translations, simply because I probably wouldn’t eat those things anyway and therefore don’t need to know what they are) – there is a “Preferred” column and an “optional” column on the list.  There is also an “only if necessary” part but that column the Dietician crossed off completely.

What I find very odd are a few things:

1)      Under fats and oils, there is nothing listed.  Nothing.  Like, not allowed.  I don’t get this because from what I understand, a body needs good fats.  Keeps the factory working smoothly.  You don’t drive a car around without oil, why would you cart your body around without any oil? It is allowed when cooking, but not as a part of a salad dressing, for example.  Certainly the linseed oil I was using in my yoghurt is a no-no.  Oh and nuts, seeds, avocado, peanut butter.  Definitely NOT on the list.

2)      For someone who was insistent upon me eating bread and crackers, there is no grains section on the list.  So I’m eating bread that I think is acceptable and whole-grain knakebrood (Swedish Crackers like Wasa).  He did say I needed to eat “thick, dark, heavy” bread, so I’m eating German Rye Seed (not allowed) bread.  It costs me 9.5 ProPoints for this bread which I think is a LOT (my protein/grain/veggie salads usually cost me around 8, including fats and maybe even feta cheese on top of protein/grain).  So no bread listed, no rice, no couscous, no pasta (does this mean it’s not allowed??)

3)      Under meats there is a lot of pork.  I don’t really eat pork and not for any other reason than I don’t really like it.  I was a vegetarian for about 9 years (quite a few years ago) and I am still just not really interested in pork on the whole.  There are occasions that I do, but they are very rare.  Bacon in an English breakfast whilst IN the UK, Ribs out with friends, the occasional piece of salami or pepperoni.  I’m more open to it when I’m in other countries if that’s the main type of meat people are eating or that is available in restaurants (or hey in Spain?  Spanish tapas anyone?  In Germany too – the sausages are divine…).  So yeah.  I’m definitely not going to eat ham or pork chops or any other type of pork on purpose, at home.

4)      There is fish on the “optional” list that is deep fat fried.  This I do not get AT ALL.

5)      Chocolate sprinkles are also totally allowed, though on the “optional” list.  Same with honey, jam, apple and/or pear syrup.  These are bread toppings.  Sugar Sandwich anyone?

6)      There is no real list of legumes.  I can not live without my kidney beans and chickpeas.  So, again, not allowed?

7)      I’m also instructed to vary what I eat as much as possible.  I do not know how this is possible when I have such a short list.

Anyway – I’m on Day Three of a sort of modified plan.  I’m still eating my fats. I have had Philadelphia Cream Cheese (Light version) the last couple of days.  I’m trying to eat a kind of cheese “product” (yeah, cheese spreads always make me think they can’t be totally real), but the other cheeses I’m allowed, I’m not sure I’m going to go there, just because of the lactose thing (let alone the trigger).  I have been eating fruit first thing in the morning, waiting a half an hour, then eating my crackers + toppings, and then drinking coffee.  I’m still pretty much totally ravenous 3 hours later when I arrive at work, but I’ve armed myself with gum which takes the edge off until I can eat my yoghurt and fruit.  I do this now at my desk ask I’m logging in and checking my emails that came in while I was sleeping.

I’ve been hungry again around 10, but I try to drink enough water to push me through to 10.30 and then I get a really large (Venti) tea.  By 12 I am really hungry again so I go to lunch.

Here’s the funny thing.  Eating this particular bread with the toppings I’ve had has been all right.  And I haven’t even really gotten hungry again for at least a good 3 hours, whereas there were days that I’d have my salad and be hungry an hour later.  So, maybe there is something to eating bread at lunch.

I’m having more yoghurt in the afternoon (0% fat) and a banana.  I haven’t eaten bananas in at least a year so it’s kind of funny to be eating them again.  And of course I have my veggie snacks for the way home, but the last several days I’ve also bought a fizzy mineral water to drink in the train.  I used to drink Diet Cokes when I was hungry – the fizz made me feel less so – but I don’t really want to drink pop, especially not caffeinated pop after 5pm.

Tonight we are going running – which means I will most likely have a snack of crackers and peanut butter beforehand.  I know… I’m such a rebel ;-)  Hey, I have to find my own way, taking in all of the information I get and seeing what works for me, right?

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Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
7

After going to the dietitian Monday evening and feeling very pissed off and frustrated about the advice I was given, on Tuesday I went to my Weight Watchers meeting as planned.

I hadn’t weighed in at a meeting since sometime in December. In fact on November 24th we were presented with the new ProPoints program and right after that I had my foot operation. I was still on crutches when I went to the last meeting. My weigh-in at that point was 84.2 KG or 185 lbs.

Before I go further I just want to say, I really love my WW Leader Ellie. I’ve been going to her meetings since 2007, though not consistently. The first time I went to a meeting was in Amsterdam and I think it was August. The meeting was packed! As soon as I heard her speaking I knew it must be purely because of her personality that there were so many people there. When I started going back in Feb 2009 I found out that her meeting was moved to a bigger location to handle all the members. So I went to that location and have been going ever since. I also went for a time in Arnhem and in Amersfoort; Arnhem when I could actually make it on time, though I didn’t really like the leader or the members that much and Amersfoort because my friend J lived there and we were going together. I mentioned to her that maybe it would be even better if we just went in Amsterdam after work so that’s when we both went (back) to Ellie’s meeting.

Ellie remembers everyone. She remembers names, details, when/if you went on vacation, what your personal situation is (depending on what you tell her of course), and she is always available if you need to talk after the meeting. Ellie once even sent me a card in the mail that said “I miss you! Hope you come back soon!” These things really give me a great feeling about her.

Also, Ellie didn’t just lose like 10 lbs and become a leader. No, she lost a good chunk of weight (if I remember correctly it was 60-70 lbs) and has kept it off and been a leader since the late 80’s. This is not just some fun thing that Ellie is doing on the side, this is what Ellie does.

So when I walked in last night, for the first time since December and she saw me her face completely lit up. As I approached the scale she said “I hardly recognize you! You are so thin!!” Followed by, “Where have you been? Were you sick? I’ve missed you!” She was almost giddy with excitement! I got on the scale to show a 2.7 KG loss (6lbs) which I pretty much knew was coming (as I thought it was around 3KG in the last 6 months) and she got really excited again, gave me a sticker and congratulated me on 17.5KG lost so far (since end March 2009) (38.5 lbs).

Then the meeting; Ellie always asks how things went for everyone, especially the new members and then there is often conversation with members about their losses or struggles or anything that is going on to get people inspired or thinking. And Ellie did not hesitate to bring up the fact that I hadn’t been around for 6 months, that I went through a pretty rough couple of months with my operation and my back but that I kept going. She asked me what my result was for the past 6 months and when I answered she said “You really are so slimmed down that I could have sworn you’d lost around 8 Kilos” and I said it was true; the number on the scale wasn’t telling the whole story, I really feel like I’ve lost quite a bit on my hips and bum. She asked me to tell everyone how much I’d lost so far and lots of “ooohs” and “ahhhhs” and “wows” came from several different directions in the room. Ellie also occasionally brings up the fact that I live so far away yet I always have time to plan, prepare and to exercise and even come to a meeting once in a while. This helps people put things into perspective when they think they don’t have time, yet they certainly don’t lose 4 hours a day just in commuting alone.

So, I’m pretty frustrated with the slow rate of weight loss and even more frustrated with the advice I’ve been given, but Ellie gave me a giant boost last night. I’m really grateful and appreciative of the fact that I have such an amazing leader. I’m going to try a variation of the Dietitian’s advice and crank up my exercise up notch and see what happens.

Honestly though, I am still more and more feeling that it’s not just the number on the scale. This morning I put yet another old pair of jeans on and they fit. In fact, a few months ago I was trying to wear them but felt a bit like my belly was protruding and I had a camel toe to boot, but now they are loose even. There is really so much more to all of this than the scale results.

Now if I could just find a way of eating that keeps my hunger at a minimum that would really just complete things. Oh, yeah, and a new wardrobe would help too ;-)