Comments on: Permanently Different On the Outside

By: Joanna

Joanna — Sun, 29 Jul 2012 11:52:29 +0000

I’m actually choking back tears because family are with me in the same room, but I feel the words you wrote speaks to my soul, Pinky.

You have as always my admiration, and respect for the courage to write as honestly as you do. You inspire in the way, I wish I would be able to. You are courageous and strong in the way, I am still working hard on to consistently be.

We do not have the same details of our journey but nonetheless I am on the same journey myself. Thank you for being a constant beam of positive energy and inspiration.

By: Heather

Heather — Sat, 07 Jul 2012 17:49:02 +0000

Good insight :) Enjoy your visit to the U.S.!

By: Renée

Renée — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 17:41:00 +0000

You will Em! You really will, I promise you that! Just never ever give up!

By: Renée

Renée — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 17:40:32 +0000

:) thanks Tammy! Most of them have seen me since the last time I was there (last year) but some haven’t. I tend to avoid family as much as possible when I don’t feel good, but let’s see what happens this time around!

By: Renée

Renée — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 17:39:22 +0000

ah Sarah, thank you so much! After I hit publish I wondered if I wasn’t coming across the right way… I hope people don’t think that ALL of us overweight people use the weight as a shield or comfort eat out of only unhappiness. When I was 22 I was already joining weight watchers and back then I probably weighed what I do now. I lost weight and then a couple years later it came back in a similar fashion – work, school, rushing around, grabbing anything there was to eat and usually not healthy. When I came here I was already more than I weigh now, but not quite my highest (that was 1994). In 1999 back to WW and finally lost a good chunk of weight (no pun intended) AND kept it off and funnily enough I met Tammy at a time that I was also what I would consider for myself to be “skinny” but more like just at a normal weight range. I seem to ALWAYS put weight on when something BAD or very stressful happens in my life and then it’s really more not caring or can’t be bothered rather than comfort eating. I have never been much of a binge eater though admittedly on occasion I have eaten packs of cookies or whole bars of chocolate. This last big weight gain, that got me up to 100 KG was really an all time low in my life. By 2006 I’d already been in the deep end of it for almost 2 years. It took me another 3 just to say “enough” and get my self-dignity back. Has the weight made me unhappy? Definitely. I honestly can not say I will ever accept my weight at more than it is now again, it would mean giving up on everything I believe in, literally turning away from myself. We are all different and we do things for different reasons, so I can appreciate where you are coming from for sure. In the end it IS healthier for you (me, us) to be NOT overweight, plus we want to be around for our families as long as possible, right? We owe it not only to them, but to ourselves too. It has to be the right time though, or it will be tough to find that motivation and discipline that you really do need. I think it’s great too that you have happiness here, because it is SO important for our emotional well being!

By: Sarah Turley

Sarah Turley — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 11:08:19 +0000

Renée, you are an inspiration! Somewhere on your blog I read you “used to be a little pouffy”, or something like that, and I was never quite sure what that meant, because some people say they’re overweight when they’re 3 kilos over their target weight, and I’d be happy if I was 10 kilos over my target weight, and I’ve got a looooong way to go to reach that. I never met you when you looked like you did in these photos, but I’m sure you were the same bubbly person you are now, because that is the real you. Yet I recognise that many people gain weight while unhappy. I initially put on weight without really realising it, when I was unhappy in Hamburg and not eating properly because I was always rushing out the door to school and back and grabbing junk at the station and in the school cafeteria. I’ve never felt as if I’m a comfort eater, though, unless my kids were really obnoxious and took far too long to go to bed in the evening; then the only solace was chocolate and a cup of tea. I do enjoy eating and food, and not necessarily healthy stuff, and for me, the weight isn’t a shield, it’s just something that’s crept on and is hanging around, enjoying the party. I gave up on being unhappy about my weight years ago and decided to have fun and enjoy my life anyway, wear the clothes I want to wear (not necessarily covering up the wobbly bits). I do want to lose weight because it’s healthier, but unfortunately, being happy isn’t the key for me; more exercise and better food choices and self-discipline are, and I know you do all of that too. And I guess that’s where the happiness comes in, because it’s difficult to be disciplined when you’re unhappy. I’m glad you’ve found happiness in Holland, because I have too!

By: Tammy

Tammy — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 07:01:45 +0000

Wow what a difference in you -both- mentally and physically! I hope you have a wonderful time on your trip, your family are going to be shocked! :) Glad you are happier now, it really really shows!

By: Emilie Smith

Emilie Smith — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 22:27:31 +0000

Loved reading this post. I so hope I achieve that level of self acceptance within the next year or so. Thanks for being so inspiring! XX