Monthly Archives: July 2011

I just wanna know

Posted on by Renée
6

is this what it’s going to be like?

are there no others out there who share my experience?

I mean, you read and hear all of those people who for example:
1) started running and shed loads of unwanted lardy pounds
2) ate low carb/ joined Weight Watchers/ did calorie counting / shakes/ other diets and shed loads of unwanted lardy pounds
3) found they “just didn’t have much of an appetite anymore” after shedding loads of unwanted lardy pounds.

Me? I lost some weight after I started running.

I lost weight with Weight Watchers, for sure.

But.

Everything stopped. Everything. No more weight loss (I started running at 95KG, goal was 70, I’ve not moved below 79). ProPoints didn’t work at all once I made the switch and I tried people. I tried.

I’m seriously having a constant battle with myself. Every day I wake up and I think “I can do this today.” Some days I do. In fact, the last time I weighed in at My Fitness Pal I actually was down to 80.9KG. So, this calorie counting shindig seems to be going all right. Just one little thing though… or maybe two…

I am hungry. This is not the first time you’ve heard this from me. I AM HUNGRY.
Every time I weigh-in (which is NOT weekly) I completely overeat that day. I am trying to find a weigh-in day where there is no risk of being carted away by colleagues for beers or bitterballen. Friday is NOT a good day to weigh in.

Oh? What’s that you say? You shouldn’t be hungry. You should plan for these things. Exercise and use those calories to combat any need for extras. You should eat more protein. Complex Carbs. Fill up on veggies. Get your fibre in. Drink tea and lots of water! Get your good fats. Stay away from processed foods.

Anyway. Last week I weighed in and saw that number 80 again. OK, 80.9, fine. That evening I had beers and bitterballen, on Saturday I had a wine tour and tasting arranged with friends (you don’t want to know how many glasses), dinner out with half of those friends (you don’t want to know what was consumed), Sunday was supposed to be my bike ride to work off all of my sins yet it was “about to rain” any minute (I finally went for 1 hour/ 15KM), then more feasting on beer, wine, pizza and ice cream.

No, not every weekend is like that.

Yesterday I was eating for my countrymen.

Today, I am just empty. Hungry.

I have tried everything! (or have I?) I can’t run. I’m hungry (sorry, am I repeating myself). There’s no loss of appetite. My sins are only alcohol and normally only on the weekends. I admit it, I’m not making excuses or trying to say I’m perfect. I don’t eat junk (*there are emotional moments, I attempt to log everything on MFP*), refined sugars, simple carbs, MSG, etc. I eat well. Really well.

Do I just accept this is the way it’s going to be now?

Part II::What to do when you can’t do what you do

Posted on by Renée
1

I went to the physio. I was definitely not happy with the outcome. In fact I went home and I broke down and sobbed on my husband’s shoulder. What the hell was I going to do now? What about my races? I had a race on the 3rd of July! What about the Dam to Dam??? The Seven Hills???? What was I going to do without my races? These are the things that keep my focus, the things I look forward to. Now I have nothing!

But that’s not the truth. I don’t have “nothing”. The physio says I can cycle, I can walk, I can go to the gym. I just can’t run. No heavy impact on the knees. That cycling I was doing since January and more seriously since May was about to begin again.

After the no-running news I just happened to get sick (and by the way, I never get sick, so I have no idea what happened, but I was out for the count). I spent the entire weekend in bed with fever, cough and a sinus-cavity that felt like it would explode at any moment.

On the Monday I stayed home from work as I wasn’t feeling 100% and at some point I got sick of lying in bed so I went to lie on the couch. I switched my television on and started flipping through the channels. I ended up on a Dutch cable channel where a documentary was showing about Leontien van Moorsel. I’d heard the name before and quickly googled her on the Blackberry; aha, of course, only one of the most amazing Dutch WOMEN cyclists ever. I watched the documentary and was amazed. She’s this incredibly talented cyclist who struggled with her weight – who became ill because of the obsession to lose the kilos to be more fit for cycling. And when she was well again she went on to win gold medals in the Olympics. Watching the footage, seeing how real she was, knowing about my own demons with weight and performance, I cried as I watched her. I cried as I saw her parents at the finish crying, hugging her, feeling so proud. I cried because I know there have been times where I felt I would do anything to lose weight, just so I could perform better.

I started to look further on the internet for Leontien. Wouldn’t you know it? She’s got her own website here in the Netherlands. And guess what else? She organizes Ladies Rides a few times a year. You know what else? There’s one in September, in Den Bosch – 70 KM. I can’t run but I can BIKE! I signed up immediately. In fact I think it’s the same weekend as the Dam to Dam. This gives me a goal again. A focus. Something to look forward to!

While I don’t think it will be a piece of cake, I also am really confident that it will go very well. I’m not a stranger to long bike rides, nor am I a stranger to hills (should there be any. I think there are but I’m not super knowledgeable about that area). I’ve done a few long bike rides recently:

Oss – Nijmegen (Hubs and I went to Oss in June to see our new kitten we are taking home in August)

The Loenermarkroute (this is fairly close to us, in the Veluwe Zoom)

To the German Border and loop back around

This Sunday we’ll ride to Nijmegen and back – that should be minimum 40KM

I’m glad to have something to strive towards – in the meantime I’ll go to the gym and the physio as well and hopefully after these 3 – 6 months I’ll be done with this knee problem for the most part for GOOD! I’m looking forward to running again, for sure, but I’m going to make the best of this time off!

Part I:: What to do when you can’t do what you do

Posted on by Renée
4

Shhhh. Did you hear that?

Wait, there it is again!

Crickets! That’s right, crickets!

It’s been awfully quiet around here. I didn’t mean for it to be like this but the truth is a lot has been going on, and sometimes nothing has been going on and well other things were taking the focus.

The last time I posted was June 5th. June 5th! It’s now July 13th. I started writing a post a few weeks ago and never completed it. While I know this is my blog and it should be for me blah blah blah it’s kind of disheartening to know that this little place on the interwebz is never really going to be that awesome sort of little place that people like to visit and interact. So, there, I said it. It’s fine. Moving right along.

After my semi-pathetic Half Marathon in April (yes I know, “get over it”) I really was having a lot of problems with my left knee. In fact before the Half; every time I would train for more than an hour it would really hurt and hurt for days afterwards. I didn’t train well for the Half and there were two main reasons for that 1) time and 2) my knee. I learned valuable lessons from the experience so I wouldn’t trade it or not do it if I could do it all over again (I would do it differently of course).

Once that was over and I was trying to get over the result, I started cycling a bit more. Mostly commuting but occasionally I’d go further or longer or purposely set out on a specific route – something to do that was physical, enjoyable and not hard on my knees. I had a few races planned; one I dropped out of (the Zuidas) and one I participated in on June 19th, the Adidas Ladies Run.

A few days before the run I had a running group (work team) session with our trainer – my knee was killing me. In fact I was talking to my trainer and the combination of my knee, her asking me about the Half, and the upcoming race had me in tears. She was so sweet – she sent me a pep talk email a day later and told me most importantly to stop being so hard on myself.

On the 19th, I had my regular race day routine, got ready, ate, and so forth and drove to Rotterdam with my support crew (Hubs and M), but I was feeling a bit nervous. Not for the 10K. Not for the race itself. Mostly about my knee.

To cut a long story short, the race was good. I felt good for 90%. My knee hurt from the start all the way to the finish. I probably shouldn’t have run on it but I did. It was raining but it didn’t bother me, I felt like I was running a good race. When I finally crossed the line, I wanted to burst out into tears – my knee hurt so bad, yet I just ran just less than 1 minute faster than my fastest 10K in February at Groet aan Schoorl. I knew that 10K was really going to be my distance, something I could really work towards getting faster, stronger. I couldn’t WAIT to do my next 10K and start training for the 16K in September (Dam to Damloop) and the 15K in November, maybe even find one or two more for before the end of the year.

Reality is that after that race I had to go to the physiotherapist. The pain was just too much. After checking me out and doing a few physical tests the verdict was in: No Running for 3 – 6 months.

Running is my therapy. It’s what clears my mind. It makes me feel like I can actually accomplish something (this is pretty all-encompassing when you are a person who can be happy and accept their life 90% of the time, there is still 10% that feels like there is a lot of failure), It makes me feel strong, confident. If I can’t run, what CAN I do?

Stay tuned for Part II.