Monthly Archives: March 2011

Zandvoort II

Posted on by Renée
3

(I realize now I haven’t even done a race re-cap for Groet aan Schoorl, the race I did in February…)

This past Sunday I participated in the 4th annual Zandvoort Circuit Run, a race near and dear to my heart as it’s the first race I’ve ever participated in last year. That’s right, my very first race wasn’t a 5K or a 10K, no I had to go straight for the 12K. I remember being extremely nervous about it, not knowing what to expect, except for being freaked out about the 3KM I would have to run on the beach. I remember also at that point, I had only been running for about a year AND I’d had an operation on my foot just four months prior to the event. I was (and still am) on my company’s running team and we were ALL doing the 12K and raising money for charity.

This year, my anniversary race, was a different experience. First of all, I have I think 8 or 9 races under my belt, so I don’t feel super nervous anymore. Secondly, this year my team was split up, some of us doing the 5k and some doing the 12K. I remember last year I had too much stuff with me and I felt uncomfortable leaving things behind (even though we had a special place to put everything). This year I could bring whatever I wanted because Hubs decided he was well enough (untrained) to do the 5K and I was signed up for the 12. These races started at different times so we didn’t have to leave our stuff anywhere. Last year I didn’t even think about bringing dry clothes with me, or extra food, this year I was fully prepared, plus I was able to bring my camera!

Team Photo

Hubs at Left, M with sunglasses

A tiny part of the circuit

Getting ready in our corral

This time was also different because the weather was AMAZING! Last year was grey and cold and windy, but Sunday was blue skies and sun! It was still a bit cool out, but while running it was pretty darn hot! We started on the racing circuit (the 5K our guys ran the hour before, but we only did 4K of it) which I still found rather challenging. I notice that people generally start off at the speed of light and last year I felt kind of intimidated by it all… now that I know myself and I know what my pace is, I just went at a pace I could handle up and around the curves of the track. I was already incredibly hot just after even 10 minutes and dying of thirst (which rarely happens!!) so I knew I had to pace myself to make it through to the first water station without losing it!

The Masses before the start

Last year the beach was impossible, really; people were falling all over the place, even one of my team mates was pushed down (and she got up, chased after the guy and punched him in the face…). I had to walk a lot of the beach part just because it was so difficult and I’d never run on the beach before. This time the beach was perfect for the most part! Packed sand and pretty easy to maneuver. It was so gorgeous and I felt really privileged to be taking part of this event at that very moment.

Beach Running

I ran the whole beach part (approx 3 KM) until the dune at the end that we had to go up and that I had to walk (I may never know what it’s like to RUN up a sand dune!). I caught my breath at the top and carried on, passing the 8 KM mark noticing the time was pretty favourable at that point. Then we ran through the town – this is my favourite part of the course; people everywhere, cheering, marching bands playing, such a great vibe. A few times I “ran into” one of my team mates, checked in with each other (thumbs up, question mark look on face, thumbs up in return, nods) but around 10K he was walking a bit and I decided to just go for it. 2K to go it had to be a piece of cake from there… 11K home stretch, and then crossing the line at 12K at 1:25:23 exactly 3 minutes earlier than last year. YES!

Afterwards we caught up with several team members and had a look at the charity we had raised money for this year, Shelter Box, in which our team personally obtained 10 boxes (and 800 are going to Japan this week) AND I ran into a couple of girls who also had skirts on from www.runningskirts.com, but found out they actually sell those skirts here in the Netherlands at Hiphardlopen. No more having to order from the States! Whoo Hoo!

We headed off to the boulevard to enjoy post-race beers and a chat (me, Hubs, my running inspiration M, his boyfriend and another colleague from work) and too soon we had to leave the West again to return home.

Next race is the Half-Marathon in Utrecht, which I’m totally unprepared for, but am going to do anyway. There is something I am also coming to terms with; I really can not go much faster than I did one year ago (I can run for longer periods, but not really faster), and I’m sure it’s my weight that keeps me from that. In accepting this, the importance becomes more about doing it rather than having amazing time. If I finish the Half within 2:30 I will be happy with that. The point is to keep going. I can be angry and hate my body for giving up on me (in not losing any more weight) or I can embrace and be amazed that my body can run, bike, walk. I’m active, I’m enjoying it and I’m committed and that’s what counts, right?

Other races: Zuidas in Amsterdam (8K), end of May, Westervoort (10K) in July, Dam tot Damloop in September (16K), Seven Hills (15K) in Nijmegen in November. I’m actually considering other races but haven’t signed up and/or committed in my head yet to them. I think it would actually be nice at this point to do a race a month. Stay tuned.

******************

Sunday, Running Sunday

Posted on by Renée
2

It’s been quite a while since my regular Sunday afternoon runs and I have to say, I’ve missed it. I did run whilst in New Mexico, that was a totally different experience. Prior to my holiday I’d lost a bit of that “oomph” that I normally have to go running and I think it’s now safe to say that my “oomph” is back!

This week I actually did a bit of cycling, but haven’t made it back to the gym. I think the cycling has kept my legs and perhaps my whole body at a good enough condition to not have to start over too much with running. As I’m totally burnt out by the park, I decided to go to Westervoort again, a village that’s only about 2KM walk from my apartment. It was an absolutely gorgeous day for it and I wanted to experience the dikes in a different light (the last time was in serious winter conditions).

The Bridge from Arnhem to Westervoort (image courtesy of de groene rijnwaarder)
image taken from http://degroenerijnwaarder.web-log.nl/de_groene_rijnwaarder/wandelen/page/30/

I started off by walking about 1.5KM to get properly warmed up. As I crossed the road over to the side where the bicycle path is on the bridge I started my run. I told myself that if it was too much that it was totally ok to walk a bit. Before I even reached the end of the bridge I’d hit 1 KM. My goal was to do 8KM.

Because it was so nice out there were tons of people out as well! lots of walkers and bicyclists along the dikes – I loved it! I cut through some farms at one point to head back as I had already reached halfway point by then. I couldn’t believe I was still running at 5KM and then 6KM! As I approached the bridge to go back I was feeling it in my derriere. I had to cross the busy road again so at that point I decided to walk. That was at 7.5KM so I cooled down for the rest of the 8K training and walked another 1KM home.

It feels good to run again. I was starting to panic a bit about the Zaandvoort Circuit Run 12K that I’m signed up for next week, but now I know it’s really going to be fine. This is a special race for me, it’s the very first one I did one year ago and now I’m really looking forward to it!

I haven’t done any real training for the Half-Marathon in April and to be honest I’m not so sure I’m going to be able to do a real proper program at this point. I’m just going to keep running, building up to long runs, dropping back, doing some cross training. It won’t be ideal, but the fact that I’m doing it is way better than not doing it at all.

Running in Westervoort has inspired me to sign up for the Westervoort Midzomerrun on the 3rd of July – I’ll participate in the 10K. Why not? It’s practically like running in my back yard!

*************

What to do when you are not dieting

Posted on by Renée
2

I’m officially not dieting, though my brain is still in diet mentality. That’s years and years of conditioning. Like growing up Catholic and then giving it up, the rituals stay with you regardless of whether you want them there or not.

So I’m not dieting. What do I eat if I’m not dieting?

I feel like I’m eating a lot of food sometimes. I guess in some cases it’s ok, because we’re talking about a lot of fruit and vegetables for the most part. Yesterday I had:

Two Knackebrood crackers with filet americain
A Half a sandwich with smoked beef and mustard
A Half a sandwich with chicken and mustard
A Triple Grande One Pump Sugar Free Vanilla Non-Fat Latte
Two more Swedish crackers with 30g goats cheese and 40 g avocado
A Venti Herbal Tea
100g of rice, three tomatoes, oil, vinegar, shallot, cucumber, tuna
A Double Espresso
Steamed beans, sun-dried tomato,50g lean bacon, bit of onion and garlic, oil, vinegar, Italian cheese
A mini Nuts Bar
A Double Tall Non-Fat Latte
175g non-fat yoghurt with strawberries, blueberries, and one mandarin and about one Tbsp All-Bran
The other two half sandwiches from above
A grilled cheese sandwich with mayo and two slices of turkey salami
A couple of glugs of Diet Cassis soda (maybe one glass in total)

Yesterday I was hungry all day, but I’m certain it was lack of sleep that did it. I woke up at 3.30am and could not go back to sleep. I was definitely a wreck by the time I left work. I had the mini Nuts around 3pm, which makes sense – nearly 12 hours after I’d been awake and I was probably feeling like I needed sugar so I succumbed to my Nemesis, the Candy Jar (just one though, in fact, never even thought about it again after I’d had the one – which is a victory in my book!)

Today I am not as prepared food wise as I was yesterday, meaning, I have snacks but no lunch . They key here will be to just choose wisely and not overdo. What I have had or have with me are:

Two double espressos (what can I say? I love my coffee)
1 egg, 3 egg whites, mushrooms, spinach, olive oil, garlic, Italian Cheese (yummy breakfast)
Apple, Banana, Kiwi
Strawberries, blueberries, one mandarin (need to buy yoghurt)
Swedish Crackers
Goats Cheese and Avocado
Approx 100g cottage cheese, five green olives

I’ll need to get lunch at work – could be a sandwich or a salad, just depends on what’s available and what I’m feeling like. Hubs already has decided to make hamburgers for dinner (we do them ourselves from very lean beef, usually a ciabatta, cheese, sautéed onions and mushrooms).

Did check the scale this morning: Holiday gain was 900g, so far after a couple days back home, down 700g. Now I just need to get my running groove back. I have a 12K race next Sunday (*gulp*) and of course the Half-Marathon at the end-ish of April that I’m now officially totally unprepared for. Ah well, I’m sure I’ll get through it all.

************

Now that we’ve got that out of the way

Posted on by Renée
4

How about an update?

My vacation was fabulous for the most part. I had not been back to New Mexico for nearly 5 years though I had a slight taste of the Southwest 2 years ago when Mr. Lowfatpie and I got married (we went to Arizona, Nevada and California). I have to say – each and every time I go back I am reminded that there is absolutely nothing like the endless sky found in New Mexico. I miss that and several other non-tangible things (and some tangible food items) and it’s actually hard to describe to people who have never been there. In some ways it’s still very much like the Wild West. In other ways, it’s modern, hip and cool. Plus the wide open spaces and natural beauty that is literally all around you. I would really like to go back at least once a year from now on and have to find a way to make that work.

My main purpose of the trip was to see my dad and get a feeling for myself whether he was OK or not. He’s a very positive, pragmatic guy and I didn’t expect that he would tell me over the phone if things were not going well with his treatment. I wanted to just go and make sure I saw him in case godforbid the treatment didn’t work or it turned out to be worse than he was letting on. Dad is fine, he’s even officially finished with the radiation now and while there were a few side effects I truly believe he is going to be ok. He was also really grateful that we came, even though there was no emergency – it meant a lot to him. To actually hear him say that made me feel very good (normally he doesn’t say those kinds of things) and I knew then I absolutely made the right decision to go.

I have a different relationship with my mom than I do with my dad. Not bad, just different. When dad saw me he exclaimed “You’ve whittled down to nothing! You’re just a wisp of your former self!” and he mentioned it every single day I was there that I had lost weight (because in fact I was around 95KG when I saw him last). My mom on the other hand said nothing, but talked about her weight loss (and yes she had lost weight and she looks quite good and fit for a 62 year old woman). It’s not a big deal, it’s just a difference that I don’t really understand.

I think also over the years I have discovered that being more and more like my dad personality wise makes me less of myself when I’m with my mom. Again, this is not bad, just different. I love both of them, just differently. And for the record if my mother were ill, had cancer or whatever I would also go to her and stay with her, make sure she was ok (and maybe even stay for the longer term if necessary).

So anyway, we stayed at my dad and stepmom’s most of the time we were there, in Albuquerque’s Nob Hill Neighbourhood. We ate out, a lot, but we ate at home too. We shopped at the local Import Supermarket so that Hubs could arrange the ingredients for a homemade curry (as that is his thing). Food shopping has always been an experience with my dad – I’m certain my love of good food and drink comes from him and I remember HOURS of food shopping when I lived in Chicago and he was in the suburbs with his 2nd wife and stepson (stepmom now is number 3).

I did bring my running gear with me but boy was running difficult! There is such a huge change in elevation that I am definitely not used to! On the Sunday that I was at my dad’s, before we even went to breakfast (they go to a local diner every Sunday!) I was up and running early in the neighbourhood. I literally mapped out a square so I would know exactly how to get back to the house. I ended up running about half and walking the other half (total of just over 8KM). Right near the end, I was running on the sidewalk because it was a busy road and I tripped over a crack and went flying! Ugh! It hurt, but it was more embarrassing than anything (someone did see me and screeched up to the sidewalk to see if I was ok. It was all very dramatic). I made it back home without any real injury but I spent the rest of the day with a killer headache that I eventually had to go and sleep off (I think it was a combination of the elevation and the eating of the sidewalk).

I also ran with Katie at Fit Living Daily! What a real treat! Katie lives near my mom and on Monday and Tuesday I was in that area so we made plans for Tuesday morning at 7am! Hubs and I drove to the Starbucks near to where we were going to run and Katie and I left him behind to enjoy his multiple espressos while we headed out to the desert! I can’t tell you enough what an honour and a pleasure it was to meet such a genuine person, that I only previously knew from the internet. Katie, I miss you and I wish we lived closer!

(Katie Hope you don’t mind I took this from your blog?)

So those were my two running days, I had some shopping days, a tourist day and a day that I spent going down to Alamogordo to see my grandmother. She’s 88 and a little bit mad (she’s a hoarder and her house is a disaster), but she’s still very, very clear. She is another reason why I want to go back more often; I have no idea how much time she has left. While her house is a disaster, it’s also a wealth of history – she has photos all over the place, in boxes, bags, frames, taped to the walls. These photos are my family, all that is left of it, and I was able to get a few more of them home with me for safe keeping (sometimes she gives them to me, but generally she wants to keep everything, like this photo of when she was in the Navy, taken when she was 22).

Mary Margaret (wilson) Shortz 1942

Hubs did make dinner for us on Wednesday evening and I invited an old school friend over as she lives and works in Albuquerque as well. We have known each other since we were 10! We have had periods where we were out of touch but when we are together it’s like everything falls back into place. I love that so much. After I left she and her husband went and had breakfast with my dad and stepmom at their Sunday Morning Diner, which is think is just awesome!! It’s like I’m still kind of there and frankly this happens to me all the time. I bring people together and it’s as if I’m actually with them.

We did spend also an afternoon driving up to Jemez with my mom and stepdad. This was a really nice day as well. It’s such a beautiful area – I’m so amazed every time I’m up there. Since food was involved in almost everything we did, we couldn’t resist to stop off at a café at Jemez springs for coffee and pastries… nom nom!!

jemez trip (30)

jemez trip (33)

jemez trip (75)

jemez trip (66)

jemez trip (62)

jemez trip (61)

One thing I am totally amazed about is the portion size of food. I can totally understand why people struggle with weight and with the choices that one can make when eating out. One night we were out to dinner at a place called Street Food Asia – we had a couple of appetizers between the 4 of us, then the chef, who knows my dad quite well, brings out something else for us “on the house”. By then I was already full but I’d ordered a fried rice dish and knew it would be on the way. I had no idea what to expect but when it arrived I swear it must have been like 6 portions! Every time I took a bite I felt like it was multiplying within the bowl! I did not eat it all but I still managed to stuff myself to the gills. Then afterwards, dad and stepmom wanted to go for frozen yoghurt because well they always go for frozen yoghurt afterwards. Seriously I thought I was going to vomit on the road and yet, by the time we got to Olo, I joined in the yoghurt eating festival. Ugh. Not normal!!

Gaining “only” 900g during this vacation is a true miracle. While I’m trying not to worry too much about the number (though as I expressed to you yesterday I still think about this stuff all the time) I felt like a stuffed pig by the time we left. It seemed we were always eating! And the way back was no exception. Food in the morning at the airport, lunch at the next airport. Snacks. Food in the plane. Food at arrival airport. Ugh.

I am sad to be away from my family and friends, the blue skies and the big white puffy clouds, but I’m happy to be home where I can get my schedule back in order. Food-wise, movement-wise, it’s time to get back in the groove.

jemez trip (9)

***************

The Diet Mentality

Posted on by Renée
20

Disclaimer: This is not a happy post, but rather a bitter one. It’s something I realized, while I was on holiday in the States, that I am still completely brainwashed from following Weight Watchers for so long. I know the program does work for most people, and it even worked for me a long time ago when my circumstances were different. Quitting WW has not been the liberating experience that I thought it would be. It’s sort of like breaking up with someone you’ve had a relationship with for a long time; you know ultimately they are not right for you, but it’s incredibly painful and the thought of living without them really scares you. Ultimately you have to do the right thing and walk away. That doesn’t stop the pain but you generally learn something in the process. If you are following the program and you’ve had success, I am truly happy for you, however, that doesn’t mean I think you are exempt from what I believe.

***********
As you all know, I’ve been on this weight loss thang for a long time now (ok, maybe you don’t know, but now I’m telling you). I have never, ever been on a “diet” per se, because I don’t believe in “diets”, but I have been a Weight Watcher on and off for a very long time (the first time I joined was in 1992). From my experience Weight Watcher members have always claimed that what they were doing was “changing lifestyle” or simply having a different “way of life” that we were not in fact dieting at all. “Dieting” meant a short-term solution to the problem – whether it be calorie-counting, South Beaching, Atkinsing, Low GI, Jenny Craig, you name it, those things are “diets” and therefore NOT sustainable for the long term. I mean who can live the rest of their life without bread or pasta, right?

Dieting meant something negative, it meant restricting yourself, punishing yourself almost, due to the fact that you were whatever version of Fatass that you believed yourself to be. Dieting could mean fasting, or going very low calorie, or even using pills to shed the unwanted lard from your body. Dieting was what you had to do to get into those jeans again, to go to that 20 year reunion, or to get naked in front of a member of the opposite (or hey for some people the same) sex again. Dieting was a means to an end but not, my friends, a “way of life”.

My experience as a Weight Watchers Member made me better than “those people” because this was the way I was going to live for the rest of my life and see how great it works? Totally sustainable! I was totally smug to you “dieters” out there.

So now I’ve quit Weight Watchers. And yet I am totally programmed, as if I am on a diet. How many points in this, what is a serving of that, which one is the better choice, how many pieces of fruit should I eat, ohmygod I had too much rice now I have to exercise for an hour to earn activity points.

Weight Watchers is ACTUALLY part of the diet mentality. Weigh-ins, measurements, food scales, control, loss of control, disappointment, unhappiness, holding back on “real life” until… until … until… I finally get to size X or weight Z.

I am still thinking of this shit every single day. That’s the diet mentality.If it WASN’T the diet mentality, I could have just quit Weight Watchers and moved on with my life, but my reality is totally opposite.

Every single day – did I eat too much? Ohmygod the scale went up again. Jeeze I haven’t moved enough today. I shouldn’t have had that (fill in the blank). I’m never going to be at my goal weight again. I’m so fat. I’m such a failure. I hate my body and it hates me.

You think that because you are “changing lifestyle” that you are NOT part of the diet mentality? You are. Until you truly accept you for who you are RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE you will be a part of it. You are a part of it every time you compare, every time you weigh your food, every time you add up calories, every time you calculate ProPoints (or PointsPlus), every time you restrict yourself, every challenge you join, every new idea (or old idea) you buy into. Weight Watchers is the Diet Mentality as well. I was wrong. I am sorry I was so smug to all of you Non Weight Watchers out there, I am totally programmed and even though I’ve let go of the rope I keep thinking this way.

I am certain many people out there could be offended by what I am saying now. I think many people still believe that Weight Watchers is truly different. You’ve had success, you may even be a lifetime member (well, hey, so am I), you worked hard for where you are at, surely I must still be doing something wrong, clearly I am not working the program properly and now clearly I’m looking for someone or something to blame. But no, I’m not. I have just come to realize that I bought into it. I believed in it. At the end of the day it didn’t work. What am I left with? The reminder of all the stuff I “learned”, all the tricks, all the tips I followed and am thousands of euros poorer because of my belief in a program that at the end of it all really didn’t care whether I stayed or quit.

I spent years counting, weighing, measuring. Some days were great, some days turned into weeks and months. Success was MINE! Some days sucked. Some days I couldn’t eat enough. Sometimes I just had too much. Some days I cared and some I didn’t. Some days I really believed I could do this forever. But honestly, who can count points forever? It sucks thinking about it, it sucks tracking it, it sucks when you do everything in your fricking power and the mechanical beast tells you that you actually suck and you are even heavier than you were last week. I spent years being pulled in by the charms to ultimately get a slap in my face when I wanted to walk away. “Go ahead. Walk away. We don’t need you anyway” Years of my life in this DIET MENTALITY. I thought it would be easy to just quit. Seems it’s actually going to be more difficult to step away than I had originally thought.

**********