Limbo

I knew I hadn’t written for a while, but I didn’t actually realise just how long until this weekend. I tried to write on the weekend, and now I’m glad I didn’t publish, because, well, it’s not completely what I wanted to say.

I’m not even totally sure what I want to say now.

I’m totally and completely in limbo at the moment.

I’m officially not following Weight Watchers anymore. In fact 5 minutes ago I pressed the button to cancel my membership completely. The one thing that I need to do and have needed to do for months and months now is accept my body the way it is, exactly as it is.

So. No dieting. No counting points. No trying to reach daily limits. It’s all over.

Now what do I do?

I feel lost. I feel stuck somewhere in the middle. I don’t fit into any group now. I want to be excited for friends having success but I can’t help but have a twinge of envy. And don’t think I don’t know that envy is no good for me, I know this, but honestly I’m still a little bitter.

And through all of this, I’m bitter that people I thought were more than just an online contact have dropped me in the mean time, a time when I actually needed support the most. I have been told more than several times to just “get over it” and “don’t take it personally” and actually saying these things don’t help me get over it at all, it makes it worse! We are all different and we all react differently to things. The fact remains that my reaction is taking it personally (not everyone, only specifically a couple of people), and I am not going to apologize for that or pretend like I’m not bothered.

So, I’ve got no new goals. No new plans. I am feeling quite blase about everything. I’m still trying to get my activity in more regularly, but I haven’t even really bothered to stick to a running plan, nor have I gone to the gym. I’m maintaining my weight so clearly I have learned something in this whole eating / Weight Watchers process. I’m just not excited. I guess that means the next thing I need to do for myself is create my own excitement to really move forward.

That’s it. I wish I had something more, but that’s it.

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7 thoughts on “Limbo

  1. seattlerunnergirl

    Renee, I am hoping for many good things in your future, health-wise! I do think that finding *something* to be excited about would make things feel “easier” or better for you, so maybe that can be your “next thing” to focus on – finding something that gives you joy. Keep us posted – I am still following and hope to continue hearing your story!

    Reply
  2. Fran

    I think you need to find something new that you can be excited for like signing up for a race or maybe even for something totally new like a duathlon.

    I can’t tell you what to do about feeling lost. I’ve given up everything concerning calories, counting Points and so on too but for me it feels good.

    I don’t know if you feel I have let you down, could be. But I have to say that also in the blogging community things work two ways, just like in real life. I have commented a few times on your blog in the past few months but I haven’t seen you on mine in the past few months.

    If this happens to me in ‘real” life I take a step back because I don’t want to be any relation a one-way relationship. I also do this in blogland: I still read your blog but don’t feel the need to comment every time because you like comments on your blog but so do I. Do you understand what I mean? Don’t want to offend you or something but this is how i feel about it.

    I hope you find something to be excited about again soon and won’t feel that lost anymore.

    Reply
  3. Georgia

    Hi Renee,

    I followed WW 6 years ago in London when i was just 18. At the time it was brilliant and I lost 4 and a half stone bringing me right down to healthy weight. It was great, I was excitied, but then I decided I had a life to live. So I stopped going, because it is not condusive to travelling the world, meeting new people and having a relaxed time at uni.

    I used all the things i had learnt and ate healtily over the years. However now, 6 years later, I am 24 and about a stone heavier and last week I joined again.

    I got the excitement back from it, from being in control of something that was bothering me. But I am only doing it agian because it is the right time. I wouldn’t give up the last 6 years of freedom from diets for anything.

    Just spend some time away from it, stop following everything you eat and stop writing about it all for a while. It’s not a failure and you can just pick it up again like I did when point counting appeals again.

    There is so much more to life.

    Reply
  4. Meegan (redstar5)

    Hi Renee,
    Sorry to hear that you’re finding yourself in limbo these days. I know about that feeling. It can be daunting and frustrating to feel stuck there. For me what worked was writing out a training plan for myself that included things I was ready and willing to actually do:
    I literally wrote out my game plan for the month, including my strength training session, my Cardio workouts (I go to a morning bootcamp), things I love to do – what brings me joy (for you maybe that’s your running?), my rest and recovery day. It helped give me something in the interim to focus on that keep me in the health and fitness zone without having to worry about a “Program”.
    Not sure if it will help you out, but I thought I would share what helped get me over the limbo-hump.
    Be kind to yourself and don’t fall into that compare and despair trap – its evil and tough to escape from!

    Reply
  5. Katie Johnson

    Doesn’t it feel like you have a J-O-B to do and you feel you’re not quite finished but it doesn’t matter, they close the books and call the job done. And you feel like you’re wandering around in the hallway looking for another door to walk through, while all around you people are flying out their doorways? What do you DO when you’re done? It’s like your life FOCUS and then it’s just done. Disorienting and confusing. And maddening. But…maybe this is part of the gig. Part of the discovery of who you are and where you’re going and what it will look like?

    You have such an amazing life and it’s obvious you’re a good friend to all who love you. You travel, you adventure all over the place. I know this may sound odd, but have you ever thought of starting your own small running/biking club? You know, looking really hard at what you’ve created through your fitness and stepping further into a completely new life in a way you might not have imagined previously? You have such a zest for life-it’s one of your gifts.

    I’m not sure if you truly know it, but part of what people take away from you is that you are far more than a weight loss blogger. It’s hard for me to articulate, but it’s there. People who blog/photograph what they eat are so boring. You bike, travel to other countries, go to concerts and restaurants with friends from all over the world and you managed to lose a lot of weight while doing it. You aren’t a wimpy cartoon version of a woman, like so many bloggers are. I love your “everyone else can go to hell, I’ll do things the way I want” attitude. It’s one of your finest qualities! I’d love to see you take what you’ve developed and see what you can do with your life by thinking outside of the box. Truly, you’re such an inspiration.

    Reply
  6. Alexa

    Hello! Well you can try join Sparkpeople. It’s free. This site has support groups, a calorie calculator, even dvd-s, and success stories.

    Or you can checkout Zuzana Light. It’s free. Bodyrock site.She has daily workouts of 15 minutes each.Lots of pictures. And a support group.

    Or you can check out Transformation.com a site of Bill Phillips. It’s free and has support groups and success stories. Bill Phillips it’s the author of Body for Life method. I have seen amazing transformations of women who shed weight and made a fitness model body with his method. Try to see Valerie LaFontaine success story from his site.

    Anyway, success!

    I tried them all and all I can say, I learnt a bit from each of them. You can see what’s good for you from these sites. Good Luck in your weight loss journey.

    Reply
  7. Emilie Smith

    It sounds like you need something to strive for :) I think a lot of people find it more motivating to have something to focus on. What happened to training for half-marathons and the like? You were SOOOO into your running 2 months ago! I hope it’s just a lull and that you get your game back. I do know how you feel though as I have previously “given up” weight watchers and it takes a while to adjust to not being “on” all the time.

    Did the sports doctor tell you to do something different you can track/measure/analyse?

    Reply

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