Monthly Archives: November 2010

Learn Something? Like What?

Posted on by Renée
17

Why is it that every single time things just get TOO TOO much, I go for sweets and junk?
from http://www.lowdensitylifestyle.com/health-and-wellness/stress/
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Seriously. You would think after SO MANY YEARS of doing this, I would get a real handle on things. Like, NEVER EVER going that route again. Why is it that I can quit smoking, and NEVER TOUCH ANOTHER CIGARETTE AGAIN but I can not keep out of the candy jar at work when things get really, really bad?
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I had two great weeks on Weight Watchers, following ProPoints again. I had a great run on Sunday a GREAT run! Then I went back to work where it was nothing but stress all week. Working overtime, stupid trains, irritating issues, etc. I am so very tired of it! I managed to get all the way up to Thursday when I decided somehow that eating my weight in Chocolate would not only solve my problems, but quite possibly bring world peace as well. Hmmmmph.
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Then I went out, ate a burger the size of Texas, drank 4 Mojitos and then got on a train to go home, where my loving and amazing (like I’m really, really, lucky and I tell him every day how much I appreciate him) husband picked me up at the train station at Midnight. We raced home and I was asleep by 00:30, only to get up and do it ALL over again on Friday (I went in late one hour and left one hour early as well. Take that, deadlines and people off sick!). Of course I ate like hell on Friday because I wasn’t home Thursday evening to plan and prepare and was left to survive on my basics at work plus whatever they had available when the need to eat came upon me.
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My weigh in on Saturday? Back to 81.4 KG. Yes, folks, exactly where I was when I re-started. F*ck.
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I feel like I have to be on program ALL the time, 150% or it just doesn’t work. Of course I didn’t expect to lose weight, but I didn’t expect to GAIN 2 kilos either! I mean, really? And I read constantly people who are NOT on plan, not even 50% it seems, who do NOT follow all the “fit formulas”, who do NOT eat all their fruit and vegetables and who DO eat nutritionally empty junk quite possibly on a daily basis and they lose weight.
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http://www.invictus1.net/bang_head_on_desk_til_unconscious.html
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There is a lesson in all of this, I am willing to learn it. I just don’t know anymore what it is. Maybe it’s patience and acceptance, since I have been saying that all along. Maybe it’s accepting who I am in the package I come in and then moving forward with that. I don’t know. I’m like a little kid having a tantrum at the moment though. Have I not said it loud enough?? I DON’T WANT TO WEIGH MORE THAN 80 KILOS!! I don’t even want to weigh more than 70 Kilos. Why must I stay overweight? You know I don’t even care about my size (clothes) anymore, you know what bothers me the most? That I can not run faster or be stronger as long as I have this extra weight. It doesn’t feel comfortable running at times. Maybe it sounds weird but the jiggling bits really do bother me. It’s like I’m running and 30% of my body is lagging behind. I’m not asking for perfection. I’m not asking for thin. I just want to be a healthy, non-overweight weight and a kickass runner.
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Sheesh.
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Run To the Hills. All Seven of them.

Posted on by Renée
16

On Sunday, the 21st of November I participated in the Zevenheuvelenloop or Seven Hills Run in Nijmegen. Where, you ask? Nijmegen. I know, most of you have probably never even heard of it, but this run is a major event – approximately 25,000 participants including world class/ world record holders and breakers. And they don’t call it the Seven Hills for nothing, that’s for sure.
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Usually when people think about the Netherlands (if they know where it is in the first place), they think of flat landscape, dykes, windmills, the sea, tulips, cheese and let’s not forget, dope. But dope has nothing to do with anything here folks. Most of the Netherlands is at sea-level and the Dutch are so innovative that they built some serious dykes and dams to protect the land, people and animals from flooding – so much so that other countries consult the Dutch often when it comes to this kind of thing.
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In the west, it is flat. Flat as a pancake. Flat as a board. No real elevation to speak of. In fact, some areas are even BELOW sea level. Makes things like cycling really ideal. That’s why people cycle everywhere. Young and old. It’s so easy to get around here. In fact I prefer my bicycle to the car. Because in this tiny country, with 17 million people you can imagine what traffic gets like – major traffic jams. Why take the car when you can take a bicycle? It’s faster and you even have your own paths and traffic lights. Awesome.
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The flatness also is great for running outdoors. I mean you can just head out and go from your front steps practically. No wonder it feels so easy (and sometimes boring and unmotivating, to be honest) to just go and run for 30 – 60 minutes. It’s not really hard work. At least not right in my neighbourhood. There’s one spot with a little bit of elevation but I’m used to it so I know how to run it. I didn’t really train for the Seven Hills. I thought, hmmm, how bad can it be?
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Then I watched a few videos and checked out some photos. What did I get myself into?
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Where I live we have hills. In Nijmegen we have some serious hills. Well, what could I do? I was just going to go for it.
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I did what I’ve been doing the last few races – loading up on carbs the day before and not eating many vegetables and fruit (because let’s face it – who wants to suddenly feel the urge to go to the bathroom mid run???). Turns out I had to do this anyway since I was not really at home Saturday and I had no food with me (I was stuck in Den Haag due to issues with the trains), so I relied on getting sandwiches whilst underway. Hubs made our favourite spaghetti alla norma (so a few veggies), and we hit the sack around 11pm to be sure we were well-rested for the race.
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I woke up on Sunday morning around 8.30 and even had a shower (even though I knew I would get sweaty and stinky; I just wanted to be fresh) and made a big, yummy bowl of oatmeal with pumpkin, banana and flax seeds to be sure I was properly fueled. Hubs also made some peanut butter sandwiches to take with us and we packed a bag with our race packets, water and a change of clothes. After searching high and low for safety pins (the last time we participated in a race I had to do this as well and then I put them somewhere and said to hubs “Don’t forget – this is where the pins are now.” Of course- we forgot) and finding them finally twenty minutes later, we found out way to the bus stop to get to the train station. Whilst in the bus I started feeling that familiar monthly “tingle” in my belly. Oh, no, this can’t be the day I’m going to get my period, is it???
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We arrived at the train station and I decided to go to the drug store to buy some emergency materials, just in case. We jumped on a train a few minutes after that and arrived in Nijmegen twenty minutes later.
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We had arranged to be able to use the facilities at our local running store Run2Day (our store is in Arnhem of course, but our customer card is valid at all Run2Day stores) to not only drop our bags off, but to have a cup of coffee and some typical Dutch treats beforehand (gevuldekoek), plus we were able to use the toilet facilities and just hang out and relax before we had to go to our starting places. Hubs and I were in the last corral, purely based on the fact that when I registered both of us, I put that our expected finish time would be two hours (I had no idea to be honest, so I just put down two hours) so we were definitely put in with the slow runners (which is fine, I’m not fast and am not bothered in my placement). This meant that our actual starting time was nearly one hour after the official start. So we hung out for quite a long time in the shop before going out. And good thing, because I did indeed get a visit from my Aunt Flo wearing her Big Red Hat (and took some ibuprofen because the cramps hit me already when we arrived at the shop).
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pre-race relaxation


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We couldn’t have asked for better weather really. Well, maybe it could have been a wee bit warmer but the sun was shining and it was dry and in November in the Netherlands that’s pretty darned good weather. I have to say I was nervous but really excited and pleased to be running on such a gorgeous day. I had no idea what was ahead of me.
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I loved the first 2 kilometers, since these were purely through town and there were loads of people on the road cheering, playing music, holding signs up for their family and friends, and then came the first hill… I thought “OK, if this is what the hills are like I can handle this.” My legs felt great, my hips, and the ibuprofen was working – everything was going really well. We approached hill number two, more difficult than the first but still fine. People were already starting to walk, which I was kind of surprised about. There were at least two more hills before the first water station and I decided to take an energy drink (they only give out probably about 3 sips to a cup), which I did slow down and walk to drink it so I didn’t accidentally choke on it. A couple more hills and we were at kilometer nine when we made a pretty big drop in elevation – I thought OK maybe the worst is over… but no, ahead of me, I saw the hundreds of runners ahead of me climbing a giant hill and I my brain said to me “You have GOT to be kidding me!” I honestly thought I was going to cry. And these wouldn’t tears of fear or sadness, but more amazement. Could I do it?
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Nederland / The Netherlands
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I hit the hill and my pace slowed. I think I pretty much waddled up than hill more than anything. It wasn’t running, it wasn’t walking, it was the most I could do, was waddle like a duck to get myself up and over. Finally when we started to go down again I actually ran like hell to catch up my pace a bit. Though I know running downhill is hard on your joints, I just kept a good focus on how I was hitting the ground and how my knees felt and had no issues. At kilometer ten was another drink post and at 11 and 12 were the last hills. Finally at 13 we were on the stretch back into the centre of town. I picked up my pace yet again. I noticed at kilometer ten I was coming in around 1:06 – which was a really good sign; I can usually do nine kilometers in one hour, so I was a bit ahead of myself. I kept going and I finally passed a few ladies that had been just ahead of me the whole way. The last kilometer was really hard to keep going at a faster pace but I pushed it and crossed the line. Hubs was there yelling for me which helped get me over the finish. When he greeted me on the other side I had to grab hold of him; I felt a bit nauseous and thought I was going to pass out. I couldn’t believe it. I looked at my iPod and it said I made it in 1:41, while I was going for around 1:45 – 1:50. I couldn’t wait to find out my real official time.
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We got through the crowd and picked up our medals and made the walk back to Run2Day. We were drenched in sweat and now really cold and all we could think of was getting into a warm bar and having a COLD BEER! After picking up our stuff we left and dropped into the nearest bar and relaxed for a bit, and eventually changed clothes and headed back to the train station.
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On the way back, we looked at our times. Hubs was 1:29:56 (he was going for 1:30!! And he trained a lot less than I did!). I made it at 1:39:26. I was really, really chuffed. Did I really run that fast?
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We did a quick on our last race results at the Dam tot Damloop in Amsterdam; I remembered they had taken our official time also at the 15KM mark – I was at 1:45 that day. So that means I was an entire 6 minutes faster this time!
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I will most definitely be doing this race again. Now that I know what to expect I will also be training a bit more for hills. What an amazing race!
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Results since Re-Commitment

Posted on by Renée
8

I decided last Monday to recommit (Well I decided Sunday really) and start using my Weight Watchers ProPoints program again. I committed to logging in everything regardless of the numbers and the games they play with me. I’m not an angel, but as I mentioned before, I actually enjoy and do my best every day to eat healthily and mindfully. You may notice that there is not a lot of junk (until Friday *ahem*) either. You may also notice that I get all my fruit, vegetables, dairy (a little) and good fats in, every day (until Friday *ahem*). These are the pillars in which Weight Watchers calls the Fit Formulas – hydration, calcium, fruit and vegetables, and good fats.
*I realise that not everyone likes to read food journals and on top of that mine are in Dutch, but if you have the gumption to look, I’m also going to create a little list of the food translations.


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I have to say I was already kind of annoyed Monday at the end of the day when my daily total was over my target of 29. I know that the weekly free points are there for that reason, but you have no idea how diligent I was, weighing and measuring everything, making sure I was using small amounts for flavor and not overdoing at dinner (and believe me, I WANTED to eat more of my dinner that I had made, but I did NOT). It’s really a mind game and I wish it would just stop, but… apparently Sadist-Brain is not ready to give that up yet.
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Tuesday was better at 29 points, though admittedly I was hungry when I went to bed and very hungry when I woke up Wednesday (Tuesday I did go to the gym, where I had a creepy/flattering gym-guy experience, my first ever!). Wednesday I was over 5 points, but I earned 4 with just doing my Cooper Test at lunch. Thursday I was over again at 34.5 points, but even then I am not sure if it’s correct as I kind of guessed my dinner (it was leftover homemade Indian chicken with spicy lentil sauce).
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And Friday. Well. It was a total wash. I woke up hungry and I had no plan or preparation. So I Planned to Fail.. Friday’s total is at 73.5 points.. Why? I woke up hungry, I didn’t eat enough breakfast so I got something at work… it was the day after Sint Maarten and someone had brought in candy (it’s like Halloween), so I helped myself to a Mini-Nuts. It was downhill from there really. Lunch was with my team and food was provided. Then I had the commute on the way home which was completely disrupted by an accident (so there was the stress of figuring out how I was going to get home). Oh don’t these excuses sound divine! And hey! There are two croissants in my bag! I’ll shove them down my throat! So once I was at home, hubs and the kids arrived, he was ready to cook the lean ground beef hamburgers that were on the plan and … they were still frozen. Can you imagine that someone, at some point said “Screw this, we’re getting pizza!” and then other had already logged on to the local pizza place’s website? None of which were me of course … *looks around nervously because she is a terrible liar*
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After all that I did see a change on the scale again (what’s new, updownupdownupdown) – Monday Morning was at 81.5KG, Saturday morning (even after pizza) was at 80.8KG which is a loss of 800gr or 1 3/4 pound. If you can’t get your head around metrics, it’s 178 lbs give or take.
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I did run last week and I did go to the gym once. I really wanted to go this weekend, and I thought I could go this morning early, but I had to stay home with my stepdaughter – my stepson had a swimming test that Hubs brought him to and since SD was still sleeping I couldn’t just leave her and have her wake up with no one in the house. (Wait. Does that sound like an excuse too?). I thought they would be back at 9 and they were back at 10. That means I stayed in bed until 10… the gym closes at 12 and I wasn’t exactly ready to go when I got out at 10…
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So here’s the deal for this new week (Weeks are Sat – Fri on the program)
1) Run – 15K is next Sunday. I’m crapping myself. Totally unprepared.
2) Gym – Twice
3) Yoga DVD (didn’t manage this on Thursday – was at work until 7pm)
4) Track everything
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This is Not a Weight Loss Blog

Posted on by Renée
8

Wait. What?
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If this is not a weight loss blog than what am I doing here? What are YOU doing here?
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I started this blog so I wouldn’t bog down my “normal everyday life” blog with weight loss stuff. And now? I rarely blog on the other site because this whole quest for health seems to have taken over my life.
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I AM only about weight loss stuff. And I don’t like that very much.
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To be fair I don’t have loads of time for much else and well, let’s face it, sometimes life just gets a wee bit boring in a steady pace and not a lot happens outside the norm.
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The “norm” – wake up, get ready, commute, work, deal with stress, commute, eat something, work in some form of exercise, sleep, rinse repeat.
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This weight loss stuff is also pretty boring.
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And yeah, there hasn’t been any weight loss so I’m kind of even a fraud! *gasp*
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Or not?
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Nah, I am just a girl trying to figure this stuff out. For years I had it in my head that I had to be “doing something” for life to be exciting. This is why, my dear friends, I had problems with commitment and a slight issue spending money (ha! slight.) constantly trying to find that excitement in my life. Friends, social engagements, last minute trips, buying things I couldn’t afford. All to fill up some space somewhere that was empty.
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The emptiness? That was me. So who am I now? Because I’m most certainly not empty. I’ve grown up. Learned from mistakes (still suffering some consequences, but ok). And now life is boring.
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I’m trying to work out if perfecting myself is going to make things more exciting. Suddenly I’ll have all those social engagements again. I’ll have less commuting. More friends. And I’ll look fabulous in my clothes. Hmmm. No, I think not.
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Because I have to go much deeper than that. At the risk of sounding way to philosophical for a Saturday morning, I’m pretty sure that part of this NON weight loss thing has something to do with my brain as well.
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I read blogs that are inspirational, that offer deep insights or even just tips and tricks to get you in the right mindset and I think to myself “But I do that already!” Because mostly, I do.
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I have to tell you, 90% of the time I do not eat crap. I eat natural foods, I cook with fresh ingredients, use good fats, seek out alternatives to animal protein, watch my portions (I still weigh and measure almost everything). I do not eat processed foods. I look at my labels and I won’t buy things that have 70 listed ingredients, 65 of which I can not pronounce. I can spend hours in a health food shop just reading labels and opening myself up to try new things. Anything in the name of good health.
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I watch people all around me (virtually of course) losing weight regularly, who frankly DO eat crap (or whatever you want to call it – I know this stuff tastes good, but there is no added value; crisps/chips, chocolate, sweets, fast food) and they lose weight. They reach mini-goals, milestones, even their own personal goal weight. I know, that’s them, that is not me. I get that and it’s ok.
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But can you understand it makes it more and more difficult to believe that I will be there too one day. Maybe. I accept that I am how I am right now. In fact, I was walking home the other day thinking “It’s not so bad. Two years ago you were miserable, smoking, drinking a lot, eating nothing but crap on a regular basis. You were not a runner. You were not anything really. And now? 80 kilos. That’s really GOOD. You are healthy, fit, feeling more and more confident.” The part of my brain that likes to belittle me has nothing to do with that acceptance. It wants to niggle at me every single time I read about others great success. Nice huh? Maybe I can get a lobotomy for just that part?
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So, yeah. This is not a weight loss blog. There is no weight loss going on here people. Pack up your bags and look for inspiration elsewhere. I’m not ever going to exclaim about my great loss on the scale week after week even though I drank two bottles of wine on a Friday night and ate pizza and KFC all in the same weekend. (which by the way, NEVER KFC thanks to Salmonella poisoning from the KFC at Howard Street near the El in Chicago in 1987). You will not be inspired by my kilo of fruit and vegetables that I nearly every single day, or the Friday night I fell asleep on the couch by 10:15 because I was so exhausted and opted to be horizontal instead of going to the gym.
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You may however be inspired by my determination to never, ever, give up this fight. This will go on to the finish. And we all know, weight loss is the easy part, but it’s never really “finished”. Anyone can lose weight. How many can keep it off? I couldn’t though I gave it a good shot. I can tell you right now though, if this takes me the rest of my life I swear I will still be on a quest to be the best healthy self that I can be.
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This is just my life. A part of it. But a “weight loss” blog? Not so much.

I’m Not a Weight Watchers Leader

Posted on by Renée
13

Nor do I pretend to be.
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There was a time though, that I was at my goal weight of 68KG or 150lbs, that I went religiously to my meeting every week, brought friends with me, had online “clubs” (remember Yahoo! Clubs?), and supported and cheered on new and old friends as we each worked on our health and fitness goals. There was a time when I had a personal trainer and a fancy schmancy gym and had very low body fat and felt really good about my physical self. There was a time when I “coached” people I through hard times of their own weight loss goals and helped them get through rough patches. And then there was a time that I actually applied to be a Weight Watchers leader, and asked specifically to do a class of Non-Dutch Speaking members as I knew so many in the Expat community I belonged in who would have joined had there only been someone who could explain it in English. My application letter was probably one of the best letters I’ve ever written in my life (in Dutch of course!). It was beautiful. It was clear and specific. It was so good they couldn’t say no. But guess what? They said “no”.
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I have never really understood why. They had a whole other group of people out there they could make a profit from, yet they were not interested, not “at this time”.
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So, OK. I believe in the program. In general. I believe it’s the most realistic and the most flexible. It teaches you how to actually LIVE and make choices for a better life, rather than following a plan that maybe isn’t realistic at all (fasting? juicing? cabbage soup diet anyone?). We all know after trying several different ways of losing weight that short term “dieting” leads to short term success. Am I wrong? How many of you out there have lost then gained then lost then gained then lost? Each time telling yourself “THIS time is different!” “This time I’m really going to do it!”. I like Weight Watchers because I can eat WHATEVER I WANT as long as it fits in the plan.
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Or can I?
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Seems like the new program is telling me, telling us, something different. Seems like the suggestion is out there to choose nutritionally sound foods that are worth more in points to reach your daily targets. Because now it’s not about calories and fat anymore (and fibre? I guess in North America you were counting fibre) Maybe this is my problem? Most of the things I eat are fruit (0), vegetables (0), proteins, superfoods, whole grains, good fat fish, yoghurt, and lean meats. I can tell you right now, I have no problem looking for and eating foods that are really beneficial to me. I like to try new and different foods, different combinations and I’m totally open to suggestions.
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I have 29 ProPoints a day. I can also tell you, it’s not rare at all for me to go OVER that total. I’m eating foods in the right portion sizes, weighing and measuring everything out and as you have heard from me (maybe) before, I’m often hungry. So part of what I’m doing now is accepting and not feeling bad about dipping into my 49 weekly points (which will drop to 42 when I get under 80KG). I’m working on working out for extra points to enjoy my wine and maybe a meal out in the weekend, instead of the letting the guilt and anger fester up and frustrate me.
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But WHY do I always go over my points? How can I get under? I already eat buttloads (literally, people!) of fruit and vegetables, this doesn’t always help me when I’m hungry. I’m working with a dietitian ,who is trying to work out some food combinations and times to eat to help me with this issue I have. More importantly (yes, mother, I know I shouldn’t compare), why is it that others don’t seem to have this same problem?
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I’m not a Weight Watchers Leader. Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me. BUT, I’ve been a Weight Watcher long enough (and I was at my goal for 3 years and I AM a lifetime member) to know that I can help. I can help others, who in turn may just help me!
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What I do know, from ProPoints is to go with the green foods -
potatoes (natural! not french fries, or potato chips/crisps)
heavy/whole grain bread
certain kinds of pasta and rice
starchy veggies, beans (legumes/pulses)
eggs, kwark, yoghurt
tofu, tempeh, quorn, seitan
fish and shellfish (and a focus on the good fats)
lean meats, poultry, organs -kidneys and livers (yeah, not gonna do it)
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I’m of the opinion that you do not have to “eat green” all the time. I mean, I do love my rice and my pasta, but I always try to combine it with something nutritionally sound and use good fats (olive oil, coconut oil) to cook in. I eat oily fish at least once a week. Hubs and I have at least 2 vegetarian dinners per week as well. Moderation, planning, control but also living life. Now if I can just get my points in line, stop my hunger or at least stifle it a bit and work this program like it’s meant to be done, I may even lose some weight too.
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I’m not a Weight Watchers Leader. I don’t even play one on TV. But I can help. So let me help you. Trust me you will be doing me a huge favor as well. We can do this together. We can totally SUCCEED together.

And, we’re Back

Posted on by Renée
15

After nearly one year of being on ProPoints (well, let’s face it I took a break for a few months because it was doing my head in), I can’t help but have mixed feelings now that the US/ North America will be using the program soon (and the UK already started apparently).
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Why mixed feelings? Well, it’s just funny that I have been talking about ProPoints, bitching about ProPoints, moaning about ProPoints but my cries have gone to a limited audience. In some ways it feels good because finally we are all on the same plan – and it’s never been like that since I started in 1999 – I won’t be talking mumbo jumbo or vice versa, I may even be able to exchange recipes, ideas, plans with others. It feels less good when I think about how much I have struggled with it, the fact that I still don’t know how “they” come up with my daily / weekly points, the fact that I can never seem to just hit my daily and not dip into my weekly free points every day. I struggled for months and months with hunger (and now that I’m running less I am in fact less hungry) and no one could really explain anything to me. It was sending a really negative message to my brain – going over points = eating too much, trying to eat less+ hunger = total frustration. And as you all know I have NOT really lost weight on the ProPoints plan. I have no idea if it’s me or the plan, so let’s say it’s me until I can scientifically prove otherwise.
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One of the things I wanted to do this month was decide yay or nay if I was going to continue with Weight Watchers or not, since my credit card was about to expire and I normally follow online rather than go to the meetings (I would love to go to the meetings, but it’s highly unlikely to get to a meeting if I want to run, go to the gym, be social, hey, maybe even get some sleep every once in a while) and I have decided in fact to start over again. I’m not really sure why, except that I really hate to give up on anything and I don’t feel like I really gave it 100% the last six months. It’s time to do it without any excuses, without letting the numbers get to me, and WITH a full commitment. So there you go. New credit card, extension made on my program.
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Admittedly I was already slightly irritated last night when I noticed my totals of the day were way over my 29 points, and even though I earned activity points from running, watching my weekly free points go down by 12 was really disheartening. I thought about what I ate, how I prepared my foods, how I weighed and measured everything out. I wanted very much to eat another enchilada after running and decided against it but then I felt angry as I stared at the number 41 looking back at me from the screen. If I just keep going, I can get over this number thing I seem to enjoy arguing with internally. So, I’m keeping going.
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Day two on ProPoints has been much better, hit my daily of 29, though am admittedly hungry – I think this may have something to do with the fact that we had dinner fairly early and that I went to the gym. I just want to be sure to have enough activity points from this week to not have a deficit in the weekend when I want to have a couple of glasses of wine or a homemade thai curry. Enjoying my life is still important to me and I’m not going to apologise for having food and drink fall into my enjoyment category. Now I just have to be a bit strategic about it.
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So, here’s the deal – I see a lot of traffic coming in from searches for ProPoints like:
Can I carry over my points?
How many points for walking?
How are daily ProPoints calculated?
How many ProPoints in pizza/ almonds / basmati rice/ add your favourite food here?
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Well you get the gist, right? The thing is, I know some answers, and some I don’t. And our food is different here than in North America. And our exercise might even be calculated differently. I’m happy to help in any way. To answer any question anyone asks me directly. So just ask. I have learned some tricks and certainly some tips and I would love to help. But honestly, I think if you follow Weight Watchers, just read your materials and be patient and do whatever you need to do to make it work for you.
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We all have ways to improve our health. Some people count calories, some people follow Weight Watchers, Atkins, Slimming World, Body for Life, etc. I choose Weight Watchers because in the past it has really helped me learn about a healthy balance. I’ve learned about nutrition, portion control, and have actually figured out that I LIKE eating healthy and trying new new things. I definitely need structure and I am committed to making this work regardless of how long it takes.
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Are you following Weight Watchers? What do you think of the new program? Are you nervous? Excited? Scared? What questions do you have about the program?
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and just a PS: please drop by Endurance isn’t only physical for Tricia’s Moving Comfort Sports Bra Giveaway. I don’t know if you guys remember when I first discovered Running Skirts . Com but it was Tricia who had a coupon code on her blog that introduced me to the company and I’ve been checking out her blog ever since. Everyone has a chance to win, and goodness knows we ALL need to be wearing proper sports bras! Drop by and enter the giveaway!

I’ll take a Re-do for $100 Alex

Posted on by Renée
8

Even Alex Trebek would have kicked me of his show for my behaviour last week.
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So I’m asking for a do over. All the whinging in the world is not going to get me through my life. I need to buck up and just do it. I’m talking about my health, which is directly related to my life, work, etc.
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Let’s talk about a few things then:
1) Weight Watchers – do or do NOT, but nothing in between. So I’m going to go back to point counting and logging online daily to keep track.
2) Reducing stress levels – have already discussed the working from home thing; is 99% sure to be a go. Already next week I work from home on Tuesday (dentist appointment), week after that I’ll be at home on Wednesday (dietitian appointment).
3) Exercise and Food Planning. More on that in a bit.
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Last week, despite my stress levels through the roof and the apparent lack of time for exercise I actually clocked 18KM running. Of course 9.6 of that was my race in Wageningen, but that detail doesn’t matter. 18KM is 18KM! Right? The race itself wasn’t really hard, but it wasn’t easy either. I think the most difficult parts of the race were the pitch darkness about midway through the course (my way was lit only by other runners with small head-flashlights) and the wind. It was raining and while I don’t really mind running in the rain, a lot of muddy puddles were on the course, puddles that I could not see, therefore puddles I regularly splashed in. I was cold all the way to the bone by the time I finished.

And speaking of finishing, I was 24/27 of my age group and 122/126 of all the women in the 9.6KM. Which means… I’m not very fast! If you guys have been following along though, you know I really don’t care about speed much, but lately I have the feeling that I don’t really want to be one of the last ones in anymore. I would definitely like to do this race one more time, simply to beat my time and placement. Lucky me, they have it again in April :)
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A little about point 3 above; yesterday Hubs and I made our dinner plans and shopping list again like we did a few weeks ago. I’m learning (and totally “listening” to Fran here as she is a planner and that clearly works for her) that planning is really key – well, wait, in fact I already knew that, and am a preacher of planning, but I haven’t been doing too well in that area, so it’s time to kick it up a notch again. Plan, plan, plan, plan, plan!
Dinners are planned, even already pre-cooked the meal tomorrow so I can just throw it in the oven when I arrive home. Will also premake a few other meals whilst cooking or preparing lunches/snacks for work. Lots of healthy stuff for lunches too. Am kind of looking forward to food this week!
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Exercise plans as well this week; Tomorrow running, Tuesday gym (spinning maybe?) Wednesday running (at work – I have a Cooper Test whatever that is), Thursday my yoga DVD that I received and haven’t taken out of the package yet, Friday rest, Saturday morning gym.
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I’m going to get through this. I’m going to stop thinking how unfair it all is or how much I’m struggling to lose weight. Really, maybe I’m not doing everything I possibly can. So, unfair or not (and who is to say, everyone is different), I’ve just got to move on, stop comparing myself to others and work on the only body I’m going to get in this life.
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So that’s me. A re-do commences now.

Chances Are

Posted on by Renée
11

Chances of ever learning: 0
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Chances of ever seeing the back of 80KG: 0
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Chances of not feeling jealous when others lose 3,672 lbs in less than a year while I only lose 5lbs: 0
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Chances of not feeling fed up with this whole fucking thing: 0
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Chances of ever getting regular and consistent sleep: 0
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Chances of moving and having less of a commute: 0
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Chances of not hating my body just for one day: 0
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Chances of not being angry at myself for one reason or another: 0
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Chances of not feeling jaded, bitter and envious: 0
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I’m really, really, really fed up right now. The only reason I don’t quit is because I’m too stubborn to quit. I’ve put too much into this. Even though MY BODY REFUSES TO FUCKING COOPERATE WITH ME. I’ve spent too much money on clothes that fit and gotten rid of all my fat clothes. I’ve put myself out there and claimed to be an athlete. Yeah. A FAT athlete. What a joke.
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I’m stressed and MY BRAIN REFUSES TO FUCKING COOPERATE WITH ME. When am I going to learn that JUNK WILL NOT HELP ME!! IT WILL NOT SOLVE MY PROBLEMS. IT WILL NOT DO MY WORK OR THE WORK OF THE PERSON WHO REFUSES TO COME TO THE OFFICE. Seriously. I’m 42 years old. WHY is it so difficult to get this through my thickass skull?!!
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I’m angry. I’m bitter. I want to be happy for others. I want to not compare. I want to accept myself and who I am, regardless of my body size or shape or weight. But I don’t get it! Is there something wrong with me physically, biologically??
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I’m sick of being positive. I’m sick of finding all of the good things. I have given myself all of the pep talks I’ve given to others. I’ve listened endlessly to advice. I’ve focused on other things. I’ve said eleventy billion times that it’s not the number on the scale. I KNOW ALL OF THE THINGS I’M SUPPOSED TO KNOW. I’m tired, people. Tired of congratulating. Tired of being excited for others. I want some of that too. I don’t want this to just be about me maintaining this stupid weight, WHICH BY THE WAY IS STILL IN THE OVERWEIGHT BMI CATEGORY, who just happens to run. Who runs but never improves because she is FAT.

I don’t want to be fat anymore. Give me a fucking break here. I want to lose weight and reach my goal too. Why is that so much to ask?

These Last Few Days

Posted on by Renée
9

Perhaps we are on the brink of our regularly scheduled programming in Pinkyland.
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After two very hard weeks at work (and I know, I shouldn’t complain, other people have it harder and longer that’s what she said than just two weeks of stress, but I have experienced all that before to the point where Hubs said “It’s that really large coffee company or me, you choose” and guess which one I went for?) and with yesterday looking to be the beginning of a third week, I really had no idea that I would be feeling as “normal” as I do right now. While today wasn’t easy, and I still have my challenges in front of me, I was able to leave the office at 4.15pm to be home at a decent hour. Bliss.
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My plan is to leave at 4.15 again tomorrow. My working hours are generally until 5pm but seeing how I put in oh about 15 hours extra last week I have myself now to take care of and I already talked to my boss about it who is in total agreement with me… tomorrow and Thursday if all goes well I will be out the door before 5 and on a train home. Friday I have the day off. It’s all arranged.
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My boss is also in agreement with my proposal, but only has to speak to our boss about the arrangement of me working from home one day a week. *Sigh* That’s me taking a big sigh of relief. Maybe I am going to get more sleep and have time for gym and running on a regular basis in my life?
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Am currently journaling my food and a few thoughts from the last few days. Because I’m not really weighing and measuring everything, and I’m not logging my food into the WW online program at the moment, I would like to be really aware of what I’m putting in my body. I’m not going to bore you all with food entries (yet), but I will tell you what I wrote down yesterday:
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Had an absolutely crappy day BUT was not willing to eat my way through the stress. I know the situation at work is temporary but being in the moment of it absolutely sucks. I am currently not able to push my way through it to try and be positive. too much bullshit going on and my feeling of responsibility prevents me from throwing my hands up as if to say “screw this”. The lack of having time for myself and my health is seriously making me feel depressed.

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When I arrived home last night, Hubs picked me up and gave me a silly but sentimental thing. The fact that he thought of me and picked up Woody (the stuffed version) from Toy Story “to cheer you up” caused me to burst into tears. It was probably the sweetest thing he could have done and yet I was reduced to a pile of snot, water works and black streaks of mascara running down my face. Stress. It ain’t pretty. I needed that cry though, as I mentioned on twitter and as many people mentioned back to me, crying isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
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Got my run on tonight, but it wasn’t super easy. I’m tired. I could feel that I was tired because I didn’t run tonight like I did on Sunday when I was rested. I had to walk quite a few times during the hour. I really believe that having the day off Friday is going to help me for the run in the evening. It makes such a huge difference on a good nights sleep.
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Fingers crossed this is the trend upwards again. I can’t take much more of the negative stressful stuff.

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Made a new playlist that spans the decades, initially inspired by Fran’s Running Playlist Page; how’s this for more eclectic mixing?

No(more excuses)vember

Posted on by Renée
8

I love it when a fresh month starts, don’t you? And funnily enough, today is the 1st anniversary of this particular blog (I have had others but this is the one that has actually lasted this long – the others either petered out or I got way too much spam). So the 1st of November and the 1st Anniversary… a good sign or what??
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I actually wanted and tried to get my shit together a couple of weeks ago and have had the wonderful challenge of too much work to do and too little people to do it. I know exactly what my weak spots are – get too stressed = emotionally eat. The good thing about recognizing these moments is that, while I may still stick my hand in the candy jar, I stop much sooner than I would have a few years ago. Baby steps.
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So a few weeks ago I also planned out some dinners and some exercise time. I’m happy to say that both went about 80% to plan. This is a good thing. Having a plan really helped. I’m sure I’ve said it about eleventybillion times before – planning is a major part of all of this. Some people like to be spontaneous and not be stuck to a certain schedule, but I know myself and I know that planning makes more sense for ME.
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I did get to the gym twice – I went and did my circuit one day and I went to spinning the other day. My intention was to do that again last week, but as it was I got home every night at 8pm or later so that wasn’t going to work at all (gym’s open until 10pm). I can’t say I loved spinning… but I liked it and I feel challenged enough to go again until I can do all of the specific movements required. Maybe eventually I will love spinning… but I did find it extremely hard and I did feel like I was going to pass out during the first 10 minutes! It was really intense! I had asked a girl beforehand who I could see was also attending the class if I needed to bring my towel in and not only did she answer my question, she also took the bike next to me and explained a few things and told me to take it to my own pace (which is what the instructor also said) and then even checked with me occasionally to see how I was doing. Turns out she even lives around the corner from me and usually goes to spinning on Mondays. IF I can get myself out of work on time today there is a possibility I will go tonight to check out that class (different instructor). (latest update is, nope, it’s 8 pm and I’m just home)
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I wanted to go running as well and I did do that – I went with hubs to do some interval training and I went with my running group at work as well. I also went last night and will probably go again Tuesday or Wednesday. Friday is my night race – which I am looking forward to, except for the fact that I didn’t realize it starts as late as it does (10pm!). Usually I’m passed out by this time on the couch after a whole week at work, but I’m going to arrange that I have Friday off so I can sleep in a bit!
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I was trying to think of some goals for the month and I’m not quite there yet, but they include the usual… running, eating well, and dare I even ask for some weight loss???? I weighed in this morning again and of course I am back up to 80.8KG because for some reason my body likes being there. *sigh* there are a few things I want to focus on for sure:

1) drink enough water
2) take multi-vitamin every day
3) food journaling
4) make the decision whether to fully stop Weight Watchers online or not (Credit Card expires this month so I’ll have to set my account up with the new credit card if I’m really going to “go back” and commit to it).
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I originally signed up for Drop Dead Gorgeous by December but to be honest, while I have not given up on myself, I am just not a challenge person and I prove this again and again by joining and then promptly not participating in the challenge. One good thing can be said from signing up though – one of my goals was to finalize (as in make it legal) my marriage in the Netherlands and we have a date set for that of the 19th of November. Hubs and I got married in March 2009 in Las Vegas and we have yet to take our papers to the Town Hall where we live to register, but on top of that because it’s considered an “international marriage” we have to register in The Hague as well. So we literally need to take a day off to do this. And it’s a good excuse to see some friends too. The date has particular meaning – it’s the day we actually committed to be in a relationship exclusively with each other AND it’s the birthday of my friend Michael who sadly died in April 2009. Happy and Sad times. That about sums up my life in a nutshell.
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November will be a good month. I’m ready to have a really good month. Please, universe, can I have a good month?