Monthly Archives: March 2010

Old Skool – Retro Post from March 31, 2009

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6

Fact:  People don’t care what you ate or plan on eating today

I read this once  -  OK so maybe it’s not a fact per se. just the general consensus.

Whatever.  I need to write it down.  I need to figure out the points values based on Weight Watchers here in the Netherlands.  Today is over.  I’ve cried over my frustration, my half-assedness, my tiny little pound lost in the last two weeks.  I want to give up. Yet I don’t.  So, it’s nearly 11pm and here I’ve prepared my food for tomorrow:

B – egg and laughing cow sandwiches - 6 points
2 HB egg whites
2 triangles Laughing Cow
4 slices of bread
cucumber slices
wee bit of Hellmans Fat Free dijonnaise

apple

L – tuna and whole wheat pasta salad – 7 points
1 tin of tuna
whole wheat penne
3 roma tomatoes (approx 180g)
steamed broccoli (approx 150g0
Hellman’s FF dijonnaise (approx 20g)
Calvé Very Light Mayo (approx 50g)
balsamic vinegar
el tapatio hot sauce
spinach (approx 80g)

1 can of Diet Coke

Snacks – strawberries (approx 180g) with 125g 0% Fage Yoghurt – 1 point
3 mandarins with 1 kiwi
1 carrot stick
1 Triple Tall NF latte – 1 point

D- 150gr chicken, 100g rice, green beans, 2 tsp olive oil, sweet soy – 9 points

 

Total points per day allowance: 23/ consumed 24
Water: 1 litre
Exercise: 25 min walk/jog 5am – 1,5 activity points
Attitude: snarky but awake

An Update and an Update

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
8

On Monday I totally had a post ready to write.  I was going to tell you all about my Plan for the week.  That plan included hanging in there, eating right and exercise. I’ve been hanging in there AND exercising, but I’m not super sure on the eating right thing.  It’s Thursday now, so clearly I haven’t had time to post that amazingly witty and insightful journal entry I had ready for you.

So the eating right thing – like, chocolate.  Really, who came up with this shit!?  Why am I able to resist it *most* days and then other days I’m shoving it in my face.  Maybe, just maybe, the shoving of chocolate has something to do with the brain still being in “screw it” mode and the fact that I simply have NOT been tracking.  I need to rectify that – STAT.

It hasn’t been all bad, but it hasn’t been all good.  I am not sure but I think part of the reason I’m also eating things I don’t normally eat (like chocolates and ohmygod the crepes I had this morning with whipped cream *slaps self* ) is because I’m HUNGRY.  Yes, I’m going to continue saying it, I’m hungry people.  Maybe I’m not starving, but I’m empty.  I am suffering a bit. Still.

As I mentioned before, I have cut out my mid-morning snack and have been drinking tea instead, but this is not sustainable.  This is not going to the be the way that I live my life, for the REST of my life.  So I gotta figure this out.  I just don’t know what to do yet.

I have also not had any eggs this week!  I was eating a lot of eggs (I still love them so much) but this week I had none.  The result on the scale was 1.4KG less than last week.  Was it the lack of eggs and fruit in the morning?  I really don’t know to be honest! 

Something happened on Monday (which makes me think about this thing I have of having to eat every few hours) that really bugged me.  I mean, I know these girls didn’t mean anything by it but it went like this.  I made lunch for myself and for two of my colleagues (last week they both gushed over how gorgeous my lunch was and to make a long story short they begged me to make it for them as well and even gave me money!) which was the following:

100gr wild rice
80g chick peas
3 small tomatoes
some steamed green beans (maybe 90-100g)
30g avocado
30g light feta cheese
a dressing of lemon juice and Dijon mustard
sea salt, black pepper and some fresh coriander

Now let me make it clear: I do NOT feel that this is a huge amount of food. I eat a lunch similar to this daily. Well at least I change out the protein and the dressing if it doesn’t fit. I told them I would make the exact same thing for them on Monday. Which I did.

One ate about 3/4 of the lunch and to be honest I have never seen her eat that much EVER. So, ok. Even another colleague said he thought she would explode because she’s so skinny and just really never eats that much.

The other one ate less than half. I made a joke as if she didn’t like it and she said “No, I loved it! I just don’t eat so much food!” This one I would also classify as “skinny” but was dieting this summer because apparently she was a kilo too heavy. (Don’t get me wrong here people, I KNOW it’s all relative and when people feel like they have weight to lose it doesn’t matter how much, the feeling is still there. I’m sure there are people out there right now who scoff at my *only* 30 Kilos to lose in total. Whatev.)

“I just don’t eat so much food!”

Oh. But *I* do.  That must be why I’m a fat pig and you are skinny.

So if I don’t eat very much I will be skinny?  (For the record I do not want to be “skinny”.  My goal is to be at the teetering edge of overweight and healthy BMI)

If I eat less I’ll lose weight?

What if I’m already eating less?

It makes me wonder… do “normal” people feel hungry too and they just don’t eat?  Do they feel fueled?  Do they have enough energy to exercise, with so little food?  Is my brain and my body so effed up at this point that I simply can not eat less food?

I do not recall this being such a struggle the last time I was actively losing weight.  Really.  It’s hard and that’s ok.  I am in this for not only the goal but for the rest of my life.  I’m in this for my health.  I’m healthier now than I have been in a really long time. But damn, cut me some slack now!  How can I even celebrate a loss this week when I know I didn’t exactly do it in the right way?  And if I keep shoving chocolates in my mouth, well, it’s not going to stay off either now, is it.

Last bit of news, got my number of my first race Sunday – I’m nervous as hell, but I just have to get through it now.  I ran nearly 13K on Sunday, but only 6KM on Tuesday.  Tomorrow we are going again, maybe just for 7 or 8 KM.  Don’t want to push it too much.  I figure I’ll run 5KM, walk/jog 2KM on the beach and then run again 5KM.  We have 105 minutes to complete it.  Piece of lowfat pie :)

In case you missed it, I lost 1.4KG this week.  Ok, I’ll celebrate it a bit :)

The "Zone"

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
6

Have you ever just thought – Screw it?

I mean, honestly, my brain is completely whacked at this moment and I feel as though I’ve been taken over by aliens.  Or possessed.  Maybe it’s Jacob or the Man in Black taking control of my body or testing me.  Will I ever get off this island?  Oh, wait…

So I changed my weigh-in day to Thursday.  The last two Thursdays that I weighed in – both times less than the last three months.  This Thursday up from last.  I blogged briefly about it as you know so what I am saying here and now is not news.  But, hey, in case you didn’t see it, I lost.  I lost weight.  I believe a grand total of 500 grams.  Don’t know how much that is because you failed that Metrics System test?  It’s a little over a pound.  One Stinking Pound.  A Pound Gone.  Good Riddance I say!

What did I do differently?  Not much really.  This is my issue.  What can I do differently?  I haven’t posted my food journals as of late but really?  I think I already eat really well.  The argument is that maybe I’m eating too much?  Maybe I’m eating too little? So a few things I did:

1)  I changed my Triple Tall Non-Fat Latte in the morning to a Double Short. Less Milk, Less calories, etc., Less ProPoints (2.5 vs. 2).
2)  I’m eating less fruit on the whole for snacks. I was having a few pieces of fruit between breakfast and lunch. I had or nothing or just an apple. The rest of the time I’m suffering. YES. I am suffering.
3)  Instead I’m having tea. Large tea. Black. Herbal. No milk, no sugar (I like plain tea anyway).
4)  I’m not having my fruit after lunch every day.
5)  I’m having less fruit in my fruit and yoghurt (I used to do blueberries, raspberries, mandarin, now just mandarin and a kiwi).
6)  I am also measuring out my dinner components instead of using the vezadigde porties because I think this is where it goes wrong.

There are days when I’m totally in the Zone.  Not the Diet called the Zone, but you know, the “Zone”, where everything is good and you feel good and food is good, that Zone.  I’m in this zone more days than not.

There are days when I’m near the zone, I can see it.  We wave to each other and hey, I think the Zone just said something to me, I could see its lips moving but can’t quite make it out… You know those days?  Those are the ones where you bravely accept that you had those M&M’s or 3 more beers than you planned and you say “Tomorrow’s a better day. Back on Track then.”

And then very occasionally, or perhaps even once a month you have those days where you just think “Screw it”.  You look down at your trash bin at work and you find way too many chocolate wrappers in there yet you don’t remember even shoving them in your face.  You have three colleagues at work who are having cake for their birthday, two goodbye parties and a pizza party for the department for lunch and you think “Screw it”.   Oh, you have cookies on offer too?  What, only an entire pack of butter in each one?  I’ll have a half – If I break up the cookie there are no more calories, right?

I want to be in the Zone.  And I want it to be totally normal. And I wonder then if it goes back to accepting myself right at this very moment and THEN it will feel normal and natural and I can stop being terribly annoyed in my head.  Annoyed about a stupid little pound. Annoyed that I have to say no, or stop eating when full, or weigh and measure my food out.  Maybe, just maybe, acceptance, 100%, is what is going to put me there?

My Favourite Podcast

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If you haven’t checked it already, please tune in to

Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone

Episode 10

 

Heck, why not tune into all of their episodes?

There’s a lot of insight and experience, though they are not doctors or medical professionals, they are real women who have a lot to share.  I really look forward to each new episode (and yes, I’m the “Renée” mentioned…my 15 seconds of fame!).

Get Back, Negative Nelly!

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
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I’ve been arguing a lot with myself lately.  That and talking myself into things.  Had these conversations been out loud, I’m sure I would be writing you now from a padded room (providing I was allowed pen/paper/a computer/internet connection and my arms weren’t stuck in a funny white jacket of course). Thank goodness that is not the case.

I’ve actually had some outside help lately – you could say a therapist, but it’s not really – and have also been reading some fluffy books to assist me in transforming my life.  One of the main threads throughout everything is “acceptance”.

Acceptance is a brilliant concept. I can always talk myself through something, even if it’s only temporary acceptance.  You know – things don’t always go the way you would like them to,  but you still need to accept the situation at hand.  That’s the key – I can always accept a situation.

But how do I accept me?

I can be so incredibly hard on myself.  My internal dialogue is pretty bad at times, which is so weird – I would never, ever, speak to another person the way I speak to myself!  Sound familiar?

For example:  When looking in the mirror “Ugh.  I look like shit.  I have crazy-old-cat-lady hair.  My face! Why do I still have zits! This is ridiculous”  ”Jeezus, why can’t I just look like a normal person?”  ”My clothes make me look fat.”  ”That’s it, I’m throwing this shirt out.”  ”3 months later – you are never going to reach your goals.”  ”Ugly. Fat. PIG!”

Pretty harsh, right?

So how do I find acceptance right NOW?  I mean in this very moment?  I find it very difficult to accept what I’ve done to my body.  The abuse – weight up and down, overeating, bingeing, over-drinking – all of those things.  The weight I carry keeps reminding me of a time where so much in my life was a big pile of crap.  I wore my problems in the form of a fat suit, and part of that suit still hanging around, well, that depresses me.

So, acceptance – yeah, that’s hard.

But to continue being negative, that’s harder and frankly it’s absolutely doing my head in.

So, help me out here… what do others do to accept themselves, here and now, even whilst in the middle of their body and health project ?  Should I meditate?  Listen to positive affirmations?  participate in the Exposed Movement?

I don’t want to be negative and I do manage to fight off Nelly on a daily basis but I would really love to not have to fight her anymore.  I want acceptance and I want to move on and what I understand is that the Universe won’t hand me anything I can’t handle but seriously?  I need some peace in my head!

Start of the Breakdown*

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
6

*10 points to name the artist

 

I’m pretty tired of the nuclear melt-downs.  I mean from a completely objective perspective it’s nothing to get over the top upset about.  So my weight is staying the same.  End of the World?  Hardly. People get through plateaus all the time.

I guess the part that bugs me the most is the effort put in to see no change on the scale. It’s important to mention that the scale is what is upsetting me the most.  I’ve now heard from several people that the scale is not the only way to measure success.  I knew this.  I still know it.  So why is there a part of my brain being so stubborn?

If I simply look back to this time last year there is already a major transformation. I’m not talking only about my body but also about my mind, my spirit, my outlook on my life.  But, this is a weight loss blog and let’s face it, weight loss is still important to me.  So let’s recap again:

Sometime in March last year (after we returned from 2 weeks in the States and I weighed in at WW at a loverly 99KG), Hubs and I started the Couch-to-5K program.  If you are not familiar with this, it’s a 9 week program to get your arse from the couch to running 5K within somewhere around 30 minutes (which propels most people into wanting to do more, if they make it through the program).  The first week it’s literally something like walk 2 minutes, run 30 seconds, walk 1 minute, run 30 seconds and so on.  As a fatty-fatty-two-by-four it’s a normal reaction to feel like you are going to die during one of these 30 second intervals but no one does and the feeling of accomplishing the first week is really amazing.  I had tried a running program once before, years ago, but my head and my heart wasn’t fully into it, so I stopped.

I had a personal goal of hitting under 90KG and at that time I would get fitted properly for shoes and buy some workout gear (on a side note:  I love when Shauna of Dietgirl fame talks about the “Vampire Method”;  I only wanted to go running in the dark, early morning or late in the evening so no one would notice the time-delayed lumps of lard catching up with the rest of my body).  At the end of May, I hit this target and got my shoes and gear with the money I’d saved from quitting smoking the December (Christmas) previous.  I ended up with Nike + shoes.

Since the moment I opened that shiny white beautiful transmitter and placed it carefully in my shoe my life has been altered. With Nike + I’ve been able to record all my running activity and I’m completely addicted!  Being the numbers nerd that I am, I love the charts and graphs  and statistics.  Nike + tells me how far I’ve run in distance, time and calories burned, totals to date and when I run faster or longer a well-respected (and in some cases not so respected anymore, hey, Tiger?) athlete comes on to tell me what a great job I’ve just done.  Yes, Lance Armstrong congratulates ME.

So I ran all through the spring and summer, here at home but also in Berlin and in two different places in Belgium that we went to, collecting mileage and data on my Nike + which has really inspired me to go much, much further.

During the summer something else changed.  I was still losing weight and gaining confidence  and I spent a lot of time riding my bike as well.  Not just to and from the station either.  We were purposely going out for a bike ride.  One day we even cycled 50 KM in total, our main purpose being to visit my mother-in-law who lives in care in a few cities away from us..

There is also, of course, the improvement in my confidence and self-esteem.  It’s not 100% but it’s better.  I feel good most days and even when I’m complaining about weird crap that seems to only happen to me, I still feel good. 

So. OK.  I haven’t lost any weight in 3 months.  These things I’m mentioning – I can’t even compare the value they have compared to seeing the number on the scale.  But I’m struggling, you know.  Especially lately.  I KNOW these accomplishments are great and YES I am proud of myself.  NO the number won’t make me a better person.  But I don’t WANT to be 82 KG.  I want to be less.  I don’t even want to be skinny, people! In fact my goal weight?  Yeah, technically it’s even in the “overweight” category if you look at BMI charts.  I don’t care about all that stuff.  I don’t like my clothes for example.  Some clothes are just hanging off of me.  Some are just old.  I have one really fairly decent pair of jeans.  I have smaller clothes waiting, begging to be worn.  The much bigger clothes?  Those are gone.  I’m not going back.  I want to go forward.

I have been discussing and tweaking and thinking and rethinking and trying new things and reading books and writing and talking and frankly it’s doing my freaking head in.  I’m having a breakdown here people!  My poor husband has to listen to the explosions as well.  Imagine your wife/girlfriend/partner having a tiny little H-Bomb going off inside of them without any warning whatsoever.  That’s me.  Send sympathy greetings to the Hubs, he could use them.

I haven’t been to WW for a while.  Not since November.  Yes I need to go.  I know this.  I have only so much time.  I’m spending time already working, traveling to and from work, planning my food, preparing my food, eating my food, thinking about food, exercising, going to the gym, sleeping.  Please tell me when I can go to WW and still plan and prepare for the next day?  I can’t.  That’s the problem.  I then have to get up the next day at 4.30 to prepare my stuff.  What? 4.30 you ask?  4.30.  You know why?  Because I know myself and I can not function on taking a cucumber sandwich to work for lunch.  No. Sigh.

OK this is basically a whinge but that’s the current situation of Le Pie.  I’m not giving up.  I recognise my accomplishments.  If I’m a little bit bitchy in the meantime, please try to understand.

Ek Lek Tik

Posted on by Pinky @lowfatpie
2

Before my 12K (!!!) Run Sunday – set my iPod up for 85 minutes of success. Until Sunday, the most I’d done was a little over 10K. I guess I can stop worrying about the possibility of failure on the official 12K I’m participating in at the end of the month.

Anyway I was just thinking – if someone got a hold of my play list they would wonder how someone could be so indecisive about music. It’s really all over the place as far as styles go. Fact is, though, I love music- many different types – and I can not go one day without listening to something.

With that, my 85 minute playlist:

Catch 22 – Pink
Your Honesty – Madonna
You’re Not Alone – Olive
Just Dance- Lady Gaga
Big Time Sensuality – Björk
Uprising – Muse
Tearin’ Up My Heart- N*SYNC
Halleluja – Rammstein
Poker Face – Lady Gaga
Breathe – Ministry
This is Love – PJ Harvey
Wise Up! Sucker – Pop Will Eat Itself
Name of the Game – The Crystal Method
Personal Jesus – Depeche Mode
Fired Up – Funky Green Dogs
It’s No Good (Club 69 remix)- Depeche Mode
The White Room – KLF
Go – Moby
One of a Kind – Placebo
Come to Me – Björk

What Music inspires your running or your workouts?